Tuesday Review v2.14
As stated yesterday, we may have a little excitement as we head toward the end of the season. The last 3 weeks will definitely determine who finishes 2nd in the standings, as The Dragons have made a huge move the last couple of weeks and now stand a little over 30 points behind the Kellogg Krushers. A little further back, The Outlaws have put together a couple of solid weeks and are within 50 points of The Bouncers. Moving on to teams who will not be involved in any drama, The Maestro was once again the high scorer for the week, while The Dominator again brought up the rear.
Official Standings (Week 14):
The Maestro 1,888.39 (160.98)
Kellogg Krushers 1,580.98 (82.07)
The Dragons 1,549.37 (136.59)
The Bouncers 1,466.89 (108.93)
The Outlaws 1,417.07 (136.79)
The Dominator 1,275.76 (76.80)
The Dragons win the "I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy Award" for Week 14, owing to their decision to keep Marques Colston (25.60) on the bench in favor of Terrell Owens (4.05). It's true that T.O. has been as hot a anyone the past month, so it would have been a questionable decision to keep him idle. Still, when a non-starter puts up the numbers Colston did while your main guy pulls a Harvey the Rabbit, you get the ISWIWHPTGA.
The Maestro basically played with 5 guys and was still able to put up the biggest number for the week. Tom Brady (60.18) and Randy Moss (28.75) decided to start playing again after taking the previous 2 weeks off. Jason Witten (28.90) set a Dallas record for receptions in a game, something that undoubtedly put T.O. in a bad mood, even though the Cowboys won. {Prediction: T.O. will pout this week if he catches anything less than 10 passes or scores fewer than 2 T.D.s...anything less and there won't be any jovial interviews with Ed Werder following the game.} Joseph Addai (25.05) and Larry Fitzgerald (15.95) rounded out the active roster for Week 14. Taking the week off were Adrian Peterson (0.15), Sebastian Janikowski (1.00) and the Dallas defense (1.00). For the record, The Maestro acquired SeaBass in the hopes he will kick the first ever 70 yard field goal. That would be the icing on the cake that has been this dominating season.
Sliding back for the second straight week are the Kellogg Krushers. Brett Favre (26.32) played it safe most of Sunday, which was more than adequate with the Raiders visiting Lambeau. Wes Welker (19.00) had a nice game, even with Randy Moss deciding to participate in the offense again. Devin Hester (12.15), though, was the only other player to reach double figures for the KKs. Steven Jackson (9.85) and the Rams have totally reached the point of irrelevance, for who knows how long (It ain't the Greatest Show on Turf anymore). Dallas Clark (1.75) was shut down by the Baltimore defense, which is nice because every other Colt was doing puddle angels in the end zone. And, Reggie Bush was put on the IR with a partially torn knee ligament. In news involving one of Reggie's biggest critics (and fellow Trojan), Mike Lamb sufferd a slight bruise of his mandible when he tried to eat a whole side of beef in one bite. Unlike Bush, who is out for the season, Lamb rested for a few minutes, then proceeded to eat a whole turducken and 17 pounds of fried rice.
Break up The Dragons! This team is on a major roll, even though they've basically played without a QB the last 3 weeks. Kurt Warner (36.74) was the stopgap guy this week, and put up nice numbers, even with the 5 interceptions he threw. LaDainian Tomlinson (28.65) and Brian Westbrook (20.10) were a dynamic duo in the backfield, and more than made up for the struggles of T.O. (4.05) and Alex Smith (3.95). The big surprise of the week...well not exactly a surprise because they were going up against the Josh McCown led Raiders...was the Green Bay defense (22.00). Returning a punt for a TD and recovering a fumbled punt for a TD are not things you expect to get from your defense, unless it is facing one of the Bay Area teams. Going into Week 15 we will all be anxious to see if The Dragons keep the strategy of randomly picking a mediocre QB to start (Kyle Boller is available and Kyle Orton has been tabbed to start for the Bears), or if they go back to the now healthy Dunnavunn McNabb. Stability and production at the QB position has always been a key in the PPFFL, up until the last couple of weeks where QB Roulette has worked really well for this team.
Fading back into the lower half of the league are The Bouncers. It looks as though the grind of the regular season has caught up with our youngest entry and they have hit the wall. Peyton Manning (39.98) was as sharp as ever against the Ravens, but saw little 2nd half action as the game was in hand before John Madden had finished his first bucket of hot wings. Chester Taylor (18.20) broke off an 80 yard run against the 'Niners and scored twice, while Greg Jennings (16.00) hauled in an 80-yard TD pass from Uncle Sam...err...Our Favrer...um...Brett Favre. T.J. Houshmanzadeh (11.00) reached double figures once again, but got no help from the likes of Marshawn Lynch (6.35), Heath Miller (5.40), or the suddenly pedestrian Chicago defense (3.00). It wouldn't be surprising if Lance Briggs wishes he were traded to San Francisco in the offseason. He would still be losing, but would at least be close to home. And, with the traffic caused by the renovation of the Bay Bridge so bad (even at 3:30 in the morning), he probably wouldn't have been able to get up enough speed in his Lamborghini to lose control and run it into a freeway ditch.
Putting together a late run in an attempt to avoid finishing next to last for the second straight season are The Outlaws. If it weren't for Tom Brady, the leading candidate for PPFFL MVP (and probably NFL MVP) would be Tony Romo (52.29). The guy makes the plays that matter, and even has a horseshoe up his rear end every now and then, evidenced by his fumble on Dallas' last drive that was treated like a flaming meteor by the Detroit defense. Brandon Marshall (31.25) was the rare WR to crack the 30-point barrier in a game that, honestly, the Commissioner's Office would have never been aware of if it hadn't been for the internet. Tony Gonzalez (16.80) was able to put up nice numbers in the same game that could have been played on Neptune for all anyone cared (and that includes the diehard fans of both the Broncos and Chiefs...in fact, the Chiefs fans probably wish the game had been played on Neptune). Ryan Grant (19.10) was huge against Oakland, making Bob's decision to go with the Raiders' defense (-2.00) a head-scratcher, to say the least.
Rounding out the team summaries for another week is The Dominator. This season has been forgettable, to say the least. Derek Anderson (23.35) and Braylon Edwards (12.15) were the leaders, again. They were joined in double figures by only Clinton Portis (12.10). The Single Digit Club was headed by the Washington defense (9.00), Edgerrin james (6.50), Kellen Winslow (5.70), Chad Johnson (5.00), and Neil Rackers (3.00). It's hard to comment on this team without sounding negative, so all that will be said this week is this: Only 3 more weeks until this team can disband and The Dominator plan for next year's draft. The most important thing to do in preparation for the draft will be figuring out how Jack rigged this year's draft and doing it next year. Second most important will be erasing Marc Bulger and Matt Leinart from the draft board.
Notes:
As stated yesterday, we may have a little excitement as we head toward the end of the season. The last 3 weeks will definitely determine who finishes 2nd in the standings, as The Dragons have made a huge move the last couple of weeks and now stand a little over 30 points behind the Kellogg Krushers. A little further back, The Outlaws have put together a couple of solid weeks and are within 50 points of The Bouncers. Moving on to teams who will not be involved in any drama, The Maestro was once again the high scorer for the week, while The Dominator again brought up the rear.
Official Standings (Week 14):
The Maestro 1,888.39 (160.98)
Kellogg Krushers 1,580.98 (82.07)
The Dragons 1,549.37 (136.59)
The Bouncers 1,466.89 (108.93)
The Outlaws 1,417.07 (136.79)
The Dominator 1,275.76 (76.80)
The Dragons win the "I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy Award" for Week 14, owing to their decision to keep Marques Colston (25.60) on the bench in favor of Terrell Owens (4.05). It's true that T.O. has been as hot a anyone the past month, so it would have been a questionable decision to keep him idle. Still, when a non-starter puts up the numbers Colston did while your main guy pulls a Harvey the Rabbit, you get the ISWIWHPTGA.
The Maestro basically played with 5 guys and was still able to put up the biggest number for the week. Tom Brady (60.18) and Randy Moss (28.75) decided to start playing again after taking the previous 2 weeks off. Jason Witten (28.90) set a Dallas record for receptions in a game, something that undoubtedly put T.O. in a bad mood, even though the Cowboys won. {Prediction: T.O. will pout this week if he catches anything less than 10 passes or scores fewer than 2 T.D.s...anything less and there won't be any jovial interviews with Ed Werder following the game.} Joseph Addai (25.05) and Larry Fitzgerald (15.95) rounded out the active roster for Week 14. Taking the week off were Adrian Peterson (0.15), Sebastian Janikowski (1.00) and the Dallas defense (1.00). For the record, The Maestro acquired SeaBass in the hopes he will kick the first ever 70 yard field goal. That would be the icing on the cake that has been this dominating season.
Sliding back for the second straight week are the Kellogg Krushers. Brett Favre (26.32) played it safe most of Sunday, which was more than adequate with the Raiders visiting Lambeau. Wes Welker (19.00) had a nice game, even with Randy Moss deciding to participate in the offense again. Devin Hester (12.15), though, was the only other player to reach double figures for the KKs. Steven Jackson (9.85) and the Rams have totally reached the point of irrelevance, for who knows how long (It ain't the Greatest Show on Turf anymore). Dallas Clark (1.75) was shut down by the Baltimore defense, which is nice because every other Colt was doing puddle angels in the end zone. And, Reggie Bush was put on the IR with a partially torn knee ligament. In news involving one of Reggie's biggest critics (and fellow Trojan), Mike Lamb sufferd a slight bruise of his mandible when he tried to eat a whole side of beef in one bite. Unlike Bush, who is out for the season, Lamb rested for a few minutes, then proceeded to eat a whole turducken and 17 pounds of fried rice.
Break up The Dragons! This team is on a major roll, even though they've basically played without a QB the last 3 weeks. Kurt Warner (36.74) was the stopgap guy this week, and put up nice numbers, even with the 5 interceptions he threw. LaDainian Tomlinson (28.65) and Brian Westbrook (20.10) were a dynamic duo in the backfield, and more than made up for the struggles of T.O. (4.05) and Alex Smith (3.95). The big surprise of the week...well not exactly a surprise because they were going up against the Josh McCown led Raiders...was the Green Bay defense (22.00). Returning a punt for a TD and recovering a fumbled punt for a TD are not things you expect to get from your defense, unless it is facing one of the Bay Area teams. Going into Week 15 we will all be anxious to see if The Dragons keep the strategy of randomly picking a mediocre QB to start (Kyle Boller is available and Kyle Orton has been tabbed to start for the Bears), or if they go back to the now healthy Dunnavunn McNabb. Stability and production at the QB position has always been a key in the PPFFL, up until the last couple of weeks where QB Roulette has worked really well for this team.
Fading back into the lower half of the league are The Bouncers. It looks as though the grind of the regular season has caught up with our youngest entry and they have hit the wall. Peyton Manning (39.98) was as sharp as ever against the Ravens, but saw little 2nd half action as the game was in hand before John Madden had finished his first bucket of hot wings. Chester Taylor (18.20) broke off an 80 yard run against the 'Niners and scored twice, while Greg Jennings (16.00) hauled in an 80-yard TD pass from Uncle Sam...err...Our Favrer...um...Brett Favre. T.J. Houshmanzadeh (11.00) reached double figures once again, but got no help from the likes of Marshawn Lynch (6.35), Heath Miller (5.40), or the suddenly pedestrian Chicago defense (3.00). It wouldn't be surprising if Lance Briggs wishes he were traded to San Francisco in the offseason. He would still be losing, but would at least be close to home. And, with the traffic caused by the renovation of the Bay Bridge so bad (even at 3:30 in the morning), he probably wouldn't have been able to get up enough speed in his Lamborghini to lose control and run it into a freeway ditch.
Putting together a late run in an attempt to avoid finishing next to last for the second straight season are The Outlaws. If it weren't for Tom Brady, the leading candidate for PPFFL MVP (and probably NFL MVP) would be Tony Romo (52.29). The guy makes the plays that matter, and even has a horseshoe up his rear end every now and then, evidenced by his fumble on Dallas' last drive that was treated like a flaming meteor by the Detroit defense. Brandon Marshall (31.25) was the rare WR to crack the 30-point barrier in a game that, honestly, the Commissioner's Office would have never been aware of if it hadn't been for the internet. Tony Gonzalez (16.80) was able to put up nice numbers in the same game that could have been played on Neptune for all anyone cared (and that includes the diehard fans of both the Broncos and Chiefs...in fact, the Chiefs fans probably wish the game had been played on Neptune). Ryan Grant (19.10) was huge against Oakland, making Bob's decision to go with the Raiders' defense (-2.00) a head-scratcher, to say the least.
Rounding out the team summaries for another week is The Dominator. This season has been forgettable, to say the least. Derek Anderson (23.35) and Braylon Edwards (12.15) were the leaders, again. They were joined in double figures by only Clinton Portis (12.10). The Single Digit Club was headed by the Washington defense (9.00), Edgerrin james (6.50), Kellen Winslow (5.70), Chad Johnson (5.00), and Neil Rackers (3.00). It's hard to comment on this team without sounding negative, so all that will be said this week is this: Only 3 more weeks until this team can disband and The Dominator plan for next year's draft. The most important thing to do in preparation for the draft will be figuring out how Jack rigged this year's draft and doing it next year. Second most important will be erasing Marc Bulger and Matt Leinart from the draft board.
Notes:
- Same transaction order as always, although there is a slight chance the order could change before Week 17.
- Due to the Denver @ Houston NFL Network Crud-o-Rama on Thursday that may, in fact, cause the earth to spin wildly out of control toward a distant galaxy, starting lineups are due by tomorrow afternoon.
- Speaking of Thursday's game, which is the official Pillow Fight of the Week, it will be played indoors at night. For that reason, Mike Shanahan will be spending the hours of 2:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. in a tanning bed set on nuclear. The man won't go out on the sideline with anything but a Thanksgiving turkey shade to him, even for a game that is only available on television to about 5 million people, 4.999999997 million of which who would rather be taking a bath in hydrochloric acid than be watching the game.
- The Commissioner's Office held its Holiday Party at Arco Arena last night, taking in the Kings/Bucks game. It was Winter Whiteout night, although only about 1/3 of the people in attendence actually wore white. As has been their custom lately, the Maloofs were too cheap to hand out 12,000 white T-shirts that would have cost them about $5 apiece to make.
- You haven't lived until you've spent the better part of 3 hours watching a sporting contest with legendary Sacramento area football coach Frank Negri. He is the neighbor of the Warners in Section 111, Row V at Arco and has no problem ripping on every single player in the home uniforms, while acting like every opponent is Jordan, Bird, Chamberlain, and Robertson. It's frightening to think what it must have been like for a teenager to play football for this guy. There's a good reason that Foothill High School didn't throw a huge retirement party for him when he left the school after 40-some years on the sideline: they couldn't find a single former player or assistant coach that wanted to come back and praise the bitter old SOB.
- To close this week, a tragic, but fitting story about the 2007 San Francisco 49ers. The season opened with enthusiasm and optimism that the progress and fight shown in 2006 would lead to the team carrying that momentum into 2007 and visiting the playoffs for the first time since Jeff Garcia was under center. The opposite has happened, however, as the team has looked awful, franchise QB Alex Smith has looked like Kim Alexis (only not as pretty), and the team traded its sure top 3 pick to New England in the offseason. The final chapter to the season, at least from the fans' standpoint, was written last Sunday when, during the beatdown being administered by Minnesota, a lifelong supporter of the team (some at first thought it was Joe Montana, others were hoping it was Randy Cross) felt it was time to go fetch yet another beer meant to dull the pain of watching the worst offense to ever attempt a forward pass. After drinking about half the beer, the man climbed up on a wall above the upper concourse at Candlestick and proceeded to execute a swan dive onto the cement about 20 feet below. The end was quick for this fan, almost as quick as it took Trent Dilfer to hand the Vikings a TD that day. Reports say that the fan's demise may be an accident, but almost every 'Niner fan, yours truly included, isn't at all surprised that someone had finally had enough and decided to end it all, rather than watch the team try to run another offensive play. This guy, who could have just walked out of the stadium, throwing all of his 'Niner fan gear in the garbage on the way out and vowing never to watch the team again, was so destroyed by the first 13 games this year that he decided it was best to just throw himself off of the high wall.
Have a great week, gentlemen, and for God's sake, don't climb onto any high walls when your favorite team is playing offense with the skill and grace of Britney Spears' MTV Video Music Awards performance. Please, please, please do not gimme more.
The Commish
posted by Patrick Zalasky at 10:19 AM
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