Tuesday Review v7.3
Okay, so it isn't Tuesday. That doesn't mean we can't get together and reminisce about Week 7 in the 2008 PPFFL season, does it? Cool. This review will be late, but it will be everything you've come to expect when it comes to summarizing the week in owning a fake football team.
When looking back at Week 7, it is appropriate that this summary comes about 36 hours later than usual. The highest scoring team for the week was The Outlaws, who barely topped the century mark. Close behind were the Cyclones, meaning they held onto their hold of the top spot. After those two teams, it was pretty weak...as in, every other team scored fewer than 84 points. Because of this being the weakest week in PPFFL history, the standings are virtually unchanged from Week 6.
Official Standings (Week 7):
Cyclones 782.54 (103.67)
Gnomies 750.65 (80.39)
The Dragons 743.38 (64.67)
Team STY 729.20 (83.82)
The Maestro 687.37 (75.38)
The Dominator 670.19 (71.11)
The Outlaws 615.80 (104.77)
Week 7's "I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy" Award goes to The Dragons who, when trying to decide which tempermental prima donna WR to play, chose Terrell Owens (3.55) over Randy Moss (20.45). That choice led to the only movement in the standings, as it pushed this team down to 3rd and out of the 2nd place position they were in last week. It's tough to find fault here, though, as neither choice seemed to be a stone cold lead pipe lock. T.O., who hasn't produced since about Week 11 of last season, is now playing with a QB who is a couple of years away from collecting Social Security and who can't throw the ball out of his own shadow, at noon time, when he's indoors. Moss, on the other hand, is finding out with the rest of America why Matt Cassel hasn't started a game since high school. In fact, the guy whom Cassel beat out in high school is now feeling like even more of a failure after watching Cassel steer the greatest regular season team in history right into an iceberg. The x-factor in this scenario happened to be the Denver secondary, who has made every QB on the schedule look like they are playing Arena Football. Cassel got to pick on these sad sacks on Monday night, leading to a big game for Moss and leaving everyone wondering if Brad Johnson, who can't keep the ball airborne for more than one-thousandth of a millisecond, would be able to have the same success against the Broncos, or if Denver would be able to defend a series of 6-inch passes.
Leading off the team by team summaries again are the Cyclones. In an odd week, this team was led in points by a defense that gave up 41 to the Gus Frerotte-led Vikings. Even while getting lit up, the Bears (22.00) defense and special teams managed to score 2 TDs while intercepting 4 passes, collecting 2 sacks, recovering a fumble, and blocking a kick. Calvin Johnson (20.60) of the Tabby Cats had a great game in a loss, which is like saying all living creatures woke up today within 24 hours of the sun rising. His performance more than made up for the first bad game for Drew Brees (14.62) and weak performances from LaDainian Tomlinson (9.35) and Frank Gore (6.05). Dallas Clark (12.05) had his best game of the season (telling you something about how bad his season has been) and Hines Ward (13.00) played well in spite of the fact that a cheap shot may land him on the sideline, unpaid, for a week or two. In a weird week in what is turning into a weird season, it should be no surprise that a team that drafted JaMarcus Russell and Darren McFadden back to back in the 2nd and 3rd rounds would be leading the league.
Popping back up into second place are the Gnomies. Adrian Peterson (22.50) led the way in a week where most quarterbacks (with the exception of those facing Denver) were less than stellar. Brett Favre (12.69) and Steve Slaton (13.45) were the only other players to reach double figures for this squad, but it was enough to move up in the standings. These guys were hurt greatly by the surprising struggles of Favre and his main receiver, Jerricho Cotchery (1.00). It's not surprising that Favre would struggle, as he's always just minutes away from throwing 5 picks, even if he just threw 3 TD passes. No, this was surprsing because it happened in the Oakland/Alameda County Coliseum. The Raiders have had a hard time stopping every QB they've faced, with the notable exception of Tyler Thigpen, so it's a little odd that D'Angelo Hall & Company suddenly figured out how to cover people. They're definitely not Denver, so they've got that going for them, which is nice. And, with one more injury, they might get to face Thigpen again when the Chiefs come to Oakland.
The Dragons easily suffered their most painful week of the season. Their fortunes closely mirrored those of their most recognizable player....you know, the one who alternates between dressing like a color blind pimp and wearing nothing but a pair of Youth XS compression shorts. Andre Johnson (21.05) was the leading scorer for the week, and was the main reason this team didn't challenge the Week 1 futility of The Outlaws. Marshawn Lynch (14.60) contributed some hard earned points and was followed closely by Derreck Anderson (13.42), who actually had one of his better weeks of the season. Reggie Bush (4.80) was hurt in what was a bad game all around for the Saints, while T.O. and Vernon Davis (1.25) were doing a lot of useless running around. Come to think of it, that might be too harsh for Davis, who did catch a pass, making Week 7 a virtual bonanza for him and almost justifying the high first round pick the Niners spent on him. Listen to Mike Martz and he'll tell you that Davis is a freak of nature that runs like a wide receiver with the size and strength of a defensive end. It's too bad that he has the hands of a clock and is counting on a QB who has been sacked 29 times, thrown 10 interceptions, and has lost fumbles 5 times to get him the ball. Add it all up, and Vernon is the frontrunner to win an award that we graciously named in the dishonor of Antwaan Randle-El.
Staying in the geographic center of the league is Team STY. Steven Jackson (31.80) ran wild against a Dallas defense that seemed to take a cue from T.O. and mailed the game in as soon as it became apparent Tony Romo wouldn't play. Romo's absence also hurt this fake team, as they had to turn to Eli Manning (17.52) who became the first NFL QB of the new century to fail to find a way to make the Niners secondary look like a group of special needs kids on a field trip to a museum. Marion Barber III (13.65) decided to play hard enough to get decent stats, which is good because he's the only eligible receiver on the Cowboys that Brad Johnson could reach without the help of a Howitzer. Jerry Jones must be beside himself right now, which might not be far from the truth. Think how much plastic surgery the man has had. If he kept even half of all of the skin he's had removed from his body, he would easily have enough to create a mini version of himelf. Can't you just picture Jerry putting little Jerry (not to be confused with Little Jerry Seinfeld, the fighting rooster) in a little box on the nightstand beside his bed, then waking up every day to gaze at the perfection that is the mini him? Yeah, I can, too. And, I'm sure little Jerry would also be telling Wade Phillips how to coach that team.
[Sidebar]: Watching Game 1 of the World Series right now, in a break during Carl Crawford's at bat in the bottom of the 9th, the Fox cameras panned the crowd and focused on a rather large gentleman in a Phillies shirt. While on camera, the guy belched right into his Phillies rally towel. Knowing that's not the first time that towel has been used for not only that purpose, but much worse ones as well, can you even begin to imagine what that thing must smell like? And to think, there is some poor soul that will have to clean out that guy's hotel room after he and his beer stenched towel go back to Philadelphia, or wherever the heck he came from.
Failing to do something never done before in the PPFFL was The Maestro. Late in the 3rd quarter on Monday night, Wes Welker (18.30) caught a short pass and carried it inside the pylon, giving his fake football team their first touchdown of the week. That TD kept our defending champ in 5th place for another week, which is nothing to really brag about. Sort of like the rest of his lineup for Week 7. Until Monday, the highest scorers were the Pittsburgh defense (13.00) and Sebastian Janikowski (12.00). An immutable law of running a fake football team is: Shall your leading scorers be a kicker and a defense; Ye shall be captaining a hopeless squad. Ronnie Brown (2.40) and the Wildcat were given a beating by Baltimore's defense; Devin Hester (5.90) somehow managed to get hurt and not run a kick back for a TD, even though everyone but Chicago's offensive players were scoring; and Darren Sproles (5.55) was picked up and started seemingly during a period of time when yours truly was blacked out, but still able to operate a computer. On the bright side, SeaBass kicked the longest overtime FG in NFL history (a 57 yarder that was good by at least 10 yards), giving us all hope that he'll get the chance to attempt, and possibly make, another 70-plus yarder later this season.
The Dominator's struggles continue, even though Clinton Portis (17.15) is delivering and justifying the undying loyalty The Big Guy shows for him. Fellow Redskin Santana Moss (15.45) also did well, but that was about it. Jay Cutler (18.76) banged up his throwing hand, then gave everyone who doesn't get to watch J.T. O'Sullivan every week a taste of how adept the Niner signal caller is at turning the ball over. Tony Gonzalez (10.85) got into duoble figures, something which his real team won't be saying much this season. In fact, if Herman Edwards shows up to Chiefs headquarters before noon every day and puts any thought at all into his gameplan, then I'm the Queen of England. Herm stands on the sideline looking like he couldn't care one way or the other which way the game is going. He seems to be very comfortable collecting tons of money while putting in the level of effort normally expected out of a mall security guard. But, hey, it's great work if you can get it.
The Outlaws were one of only two PPFFL teams to break 100 for the week, but, as with everyone else, the week was less than stellar. Still, with the struggles of everyone else, this team is trying to work its way up from the depths. Aaron Rodgers (27.62) didn't exactly put on a clinic, but he was much better than his opponent, Eli's brother. Brandon Jacobs (16.75) ran all over the Niner defense, while the Giants defense (18.00) was taking the ball from J.T. O'Sullivan like...well, like NFL defenses take the ball from J.T. O'Sullivan. Eddie Royal (12.95) and Brandon Marshall (10.20) were able to both hit double figures, even though their team was getting slaughtered in Gillette Stadium. It wasn't a close shave for the Broncos on Monday. In fact, it looked like Mike Shanahan might have left the transcript for his pre-game motivational speech in a tanning bed somehwere. The NFL is a tough league and every game has the potential to be a real battle, so it's disappointing to see a team come out with as little energy as the Broncos did Monday. When that happens, in the paraphrased words of Emmitt Smith, "You get guys like Sammie Morris running all over you. The Kevin Faulk did his thing at the end. And, in the middle, there was that guy that got the ball....and ran...because he's a running back that knows how to run....because you can't never have enough guys who know how to run." Well said, Emmitt. I'm truly sorry for not watching you very much this year. I never knew how important it was for professional sports teams to find guys who knew how to do something as complicated as running. I love you Emmitt, because you're a sports "analyst" that knows how to talk. Unlike Steve Young, who sometimes goes mute for mysterious reasons. You are in a class of your own, Mr. Smith.
Notes:
Okay, so it isn't Tuesday. That doesn't mean we can't get together and reminisce about Week 7 in the 2008 PPFFL season, does it? Cool. This review will be late, but it will be everything you've come to expect when it comes to summarizing the week in owning a fake football team.
When looking back at Week 7, it is appropriate that this summary comes about 36 hours later than usual. The highest scoring team for the week was The Outlaws, who barely topped the century mark. Close behind were the Cyclones, meaning they held onto their hold of the top spot. After those two teams, it was pretty weak...as in, every other team scored fewer than 84 points. Because of this being the weakest week in PPFFL history, the standings are virtually unchanged from Week 6.
Official Standings (Week 7):
Cyclones 782.54 (103.67)
Gnomies 750.65 (80.39)
The Dragons 743.38 (64.67)
Team STY 729.20 (83.82)
The Maestro 687.37 (75.38)
The Dominator 670.19 (71.11)
The Outlaws 615.80 (104.77)
Week 7's "I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy" Award goes to The Dragons who, when trying to decide which tempermental prima donna WR to play, chose Terrell Owens (3.55) over Randy Moss (20.45). That choice led to the only movement in the standings, as it pushed this team down to 3rd and out of the 2nd place position they were in last week. It's tough to find fault here, though, as neither choice seemed to be a stone cold lead pipe lock. T.O., who hasn't produced since about Week 11 of last season, is now playing with a QB who is a couple of years away from collecting Social Security and who can't throw the ball out of his own shadow, at noon time, when he's indoors. Moss, on the other hand, is finding out with the rest of America why Matt Cassel hasn't started a game since high school. In fact, the guy whom Cassel beat out in high school is now feeling like even more of a failure after watching Cassel steer the greatest regular season team in history right into an iceberg. The x-factor in this scenario happened to be the Denver secondary, who has made every QB on the schedule look like they are playing Arena Football. Cassel got to pick on these sad sacks on Monday night, leading to a big game for Moss and leaving everyone wondering if Brad Johnson, who can't keep the ball airborne for more than one-thousandth of a millisecond, would be able to have the same success against the Broncos, or if Denver would be able to defend a series of 6-inch passes.
Leading off the team by team summaries again are the Cyclones. In an odd week, this team was led in points by a defense that gave up 41 to the Gus Frerotte-led Vikings. Even while getting lit up, the Bears (22.00) defense and special teams managed to score 2 TDs while intercepting 4 passes, collecting 2 sacks, recovering a fumble, and blocking a kick. Calvin Johnson (20.60) of the Tabby Cats had a great game in a loss, which is like saying all living creatures woke up today within 24 hours of the sun rising. His performance more than made up for the first bad game for Drew Brees (14.62) and weak performances from LaDainian Tomlinson (9.35) and Frank Gore (6.05). Dallas Clark (12.05) had his best game of the season (telling you something about how bad his season has been) and Hines Ward (13.00) played well in spite of the fact that a cheap shot may land him on the sideline, unpaid, for a week or two. In a weird week in what is turning into a weird season, it should be no surprise that a team that drafted JaMarcus Russell and Darren McFadden back to back in the 2nd and 3rd rounds would be leading the league.
Popping back up into second place are the Gnomies. Adrian Peterson (22.50) led the way in a week where most quarterbacks (with the exception of those facing Denver) were less than stellar. Brett Favre (12.69) and Steve Slaton (13.45) were the only other players to reach double figures for this squad, but it was enough to move up in the standings. These guys were hurt greatly by the surprising struggles of Favre and his main receiver, Jerricho Cotchery (1.00). It's not surprising that Favre would struggle, as he's always just minutes away from throwing 5 picks, even if he just threw 3 TD passes. No, this was surprsing because it happened in the Oakland/Alameda County Coliseum. The Raiders have had a hard time stopping every QB they've faced, with the notable exception of Tyler Thigpen, so it's a little odd that D'Angelo Hall & Company suddenly figured out how to cover people. They're definitely not Denver, so they've got that going for them, which is nice. And, with one more injury, they might get to face Thigpen again when the Chiefs come to Oakland.
The Dragons easily suffered their most painful week of the season. Their fortunes closely mirrored those of their most recognizable player....you know, the one who alternates between dressing like a color blind pimp and wearing nothing but a pair of Youth XS compression shorts. Andre Johnson (21.05) was the leading scorer for the week, and was the main reason this team didn't challenge the Week 1 futility of The Outlaws. Marshawn Lynch (14.60) contributed some hard earned points and was followed closely by Derreck Anderson (13.42), who actually had one of his better weeks of the season. Reggie Bush (4.80) was hurt in what was a bad game all around for the Saints, while T.O. and Vernon Davis (1.25) were doing a lot of useless running around. Come to think of it, that might be too harsh for Davis, who did catch a pass, making Week 7 a virtual bonanza for him and almost justifying the high first round pick the Niners spent on him. Listen to Mike Martz and he'll tell you that Davis is a freak of nature that runs like a wide receiver with the size and strength of a defensive end. It's too bad that he has the hands of a clock and is counting on a QB who has been sacked 29 times, thrown 10 interceptions, and has lost fumbles 5 times to get him the ball. Add it all up, and Vernon is the frontrunner to win an award that we graciously named in the dishonor of Antwaan Randle-El.
Staying in the geographic center of the league is Team STY. Steven Jackson (31.80) ran wild against a Dallas defense that seemed to take a cue from T.O. and mailed the game in as soon as it became apparent Tony Romo wouldn't play. Romo's absence also hurt this fake team, as they had to turn to Eli Manning (17.52) who became the first NFL QB of the new century to fail to find a way to make the Niners secondary look like a group of special needs kids on a field trip to a museum. Marion Barber III (13.65) decided to play hard enough to get decent stats, which is good because he's the only eligible receiver on the Cowboys that Brad Johnson could reach without the help of a Howitzer. Jerry Jones must be beside himself right now, which might not be far from the truth. Think how much plastic surgery the man has had. If he kept even half of all of the skin he's had removed from his body, he would easily have enough to create a mini version of himelf. Can't you just picture Jerry putting little Jerry (not to be confused with Little Jerry Seinfeld, the fighting rooster) in a little box on the nightstand beside his bed, then waking up every day to gaze at the perfection that is the mini him? Yeah, I can, too. And, I'm sure little Jerry would also be telling Wade Phillips how to coach that team.
[Sidebar]: Watching Game 1 of the World Series right now, in a break during Carl Crawford's at bat in the bottom of the 9th, the Fox cameras panned the crowd and focused on a rather large gentleman in a Phillies shirt. While on camera, the guy belched right into his Phillies rally towel. Knowing that's not the first time that towel has been used for not only that purpose, but much worse ones as well, can you even begin to imagine what that thing must smell like? And to think, there is some poor soul that will have to clean out that guy's hotel room after he and his beer stenched towel go back to Philadelphia, or wherever the heck he came from.
Failing to do something never done before in the PPFFL was The Maestro. Late in the 3rd quarter on Monday night, Wes Welker (18.30) caught a short pass and carried it inside the pylon, giving his fake football team their first touchdown of the week. That TD kept our defending champ in 5th place for another week, which is nothing to really brag about. Sort of like the rest of his lineup for Week 7. Until Monday, the highest scorers were the Pittsburgh defense (13.00) and Sebastian Janikowski (12.00). An immutable law of running a fake football team is: Shall your leading scorers be a kicker and a defense; Ye shall be captaining a hopeless squad. Ronnie Brown (2.40) and the Wildcat were given a beating by Baltimore's defense; Devin Hester (5.90) somehow managed to get hurt and not run a kick back for a TD, even though everyone but Chicago's offensive players were scoring; and Darren Sproles (5.55) was picked up and started seemingly during a period of time when yours truly was blacked out, but still able to operate a computer. On the bright side, SeaBass kicked the longest overtime FG in NFL history (a 57 yarder that was good by at least 10 yards), giving us all hope that he'll get the chance to attempt, and possibly make, another 70-plus yarder later this season.
The Dominator's struggles continue, even though Clinton Portis (17.15) is delivering and justifying the undying loyalty The Big Guy shows for him. Fellow Redskin Santana Moss (15.45) also did well, but that was about it. Jay Cutler (18.76) banged up his throwing hand, then gave everyone who doesn't get to watch J.T. O'Sullivan every week a taste of how adept the Niner signal caller is at turning the ball over. Tony Gonzalez (10.85) got into duoble figures, something which his real team won't be saying much this season. In fact, if Herman Edwards shows up to Chiefs headquarters before noon every day and puts any thought at all into his gameplan, then I'm the Queen of England. Herm stands on the sideline looking like he couldn't care one way or the other which way the game is going. He seems to be very comfortable collecting tons of money while putting in the level of effort normally expected out of a mall security guard. But, hey, it's great work if you can get it.
The Outlaws were one of only two PPFFL teams to break 100 for the week, but, as with everyone else, the week was less than stellar. Still, with the struggles of everyone else, this team is trying to work its way up from the depths. Aaron Rodgers (27.62) didn't exactly put on a clinic, but he was much better than his opponent, Eli's brother. Brandon Jacobs (16.75) ran all over the Niner defense, while the Giants defense (18.00) was taking the ball from J.T. O'Sullivan like...well, like NFL defenses take the ball from J.T. O'Sullivan. Eddie Royal (12.95) and Brandon Marshall (10.20) were able to both hit double figures, even though their team was getting slaughtered in Gillette Stadium. It wasn't a close shave for the Broncos on Monday. In fact, it looked like Mike Shanahan might have left the transcript for his pre-game motivational speech in a tanning bed somehwere. The NFL is a tough league and every game has the potential to be a real battle, so it's disappointing to see a team come out with as little energy as the Broncos did Monday. When that happens, in the paraphrased words of Emmitt Smith, "You get guys like Sammie Morris running all over you. The Kevin Faulk did his thing at the end. And, in the middle, there was that guy that got the ball....and ran...because he's a running back that knows how to run....because you can't never have enough guys who know how to run." Well said, Emmitt. I'm truly sorry for not watching you very much this year. I never knew how important it was for professional sports teams to find guys who knew how to do something as complicated as running. I love you Emmitt, because you're a sports "analyst" that knows how to talk. Unlike Steve Young, who sometimes goes mute for mysterious reasons. You are in a class of your own, Mr. Smith.
Notes:
- In a decision as easy as shooting fish in a barrel, the Pillow Fight of Week 7 was Washington 14, Cleveland 11. You know, if the aptly named Browns were to play the Tabby Cats, we would defintely have the makings of the Pillow Fight of the Century. That being said, this weeks frontrunner for the honor goes to Seattle @ San Francisco.
- Speaking of San Francisco, the Board of Supervisors and Mayor there are only about three moves away from having a city that recognizes no laws whatsoever. If you want to see what a true liberal's view of Utopia is, wait a few months and travel to The City where you'll no doubt encounter an army of homeless people showing you where all of their favorite public places to relieve themselves are.
- The Phillies beat the Rays 3-2 in Game 1 of the World Series tonight, which is way better than either the Dodgers or Red Sox playing in the Fall Classic.
- It will be McCarver all night for at least the next few days. As we all know, Tim McCarver know how to talk, and that's what you want out of your color commentators. In fact, McCarver knows how to talk so well that getting facts wrong and talking waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much don't ever get in the way of him doing his job.
- In closing, and in honor of Timmy Mac, here's a little story about Fox's favorite blabbering former catcher. In Game 7 of the 1967 World Series, McCarver went to the mound to counsel a tiring Bob Gibson in the 9th inning. With one out to get before the Cardinals were champs, McCarver was no doubt rambling on to the point where Gibson probably wanted to strangle him. When McCarver finally took a breath, Gibson told him to "Get the {bleep} off my {bleeping} mound. The only thing you know about pitching is that you can't hit it. Now get back over there so you can tell everyone how I carried you to a World Series."
With that, remember that Cole Hamels has a change up that's so good, he can't throw it to lefthanded hitters, because lefthanded hitters can hit anyone's....great, now I have McCarver on the brain. I'm going to have a McCarver ear worm until about a month after the World Series is over. The cross I must bear to make this a top notch site.......
Have a great week and do great things.
The Commish
posted by Patrick Zalasky at 7:57 PM
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