Tuesday Morning Review #7
The Dominator broke out the belt and helped us reminisce about the days when we would fight and cause trouble as kids. He once again took the leather to our backsides, this time in a fantasy football sense. His squad shattered the one week record for points, which had stood for exactly one week. Had it not been for a questionable call on personnel (more on this to follow) he would have an even more commanding lead. Let's just say that his subpar Week 5 has been buried under the avalanche of points that followed in Weeks 6 and 7. And to think he has been out of state during this monumental charge. The rest of the league is hoping things start going south when he has more time to think about his team.
The official standings (Week 7):
The Dominator 762.44 (165.74)
Cyhawks 725.02 (98.06)
The Dragons 698.05 (103.74)
Plan Z 684.48 (113.15)
The Spongebobs 629.97 (104.28)
"The I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy Award" for Week 7 goes to the man at the top. The Dominator decided to play Jeremy Shockey (9.15) at TE this weekend, following up on his great Week 6 performance. This meant that Alge Crumpler (32.85) was riding the pine. Unfortunately for The Dominator, Ron Mexico decided to have his best passing game in ages while using Crumpler as his primary target. Three TDs and over 100 yards receiving were wasted. Those points would have given The Dominator a commanding 60 point lead over the 2nd place Cyhawks and an unthinkable 155 point cushion over The Spongebobs. He still has a commanding lead, but at least we get to poke fun at him for sitting out Crumpler when he had the best game of the season.
To fully appreciate the numbers that some of The Dominator's guys posted, consider that starting RB Willie Parker (0.35) basically sat out the week. Peyton Manning (53.79), Hines Ward (37.55), Darrell Jackson (22.80), and the Bucs defense (21.00) more than compensated for Parker's no-show. Even serial underachiever Ronnie Brown (11.10) scored in double figures. Notable about the performance of the Bucs D was Ronde Baber's 2 TDs off of interception returns...those returns give him exactly 2 more TDs than his twin brother Tiki, who happens to be the NFL's rushing leader (A certain team in the PPFFL is not happy at all that Tom Coughlin lets Tiki carry the ball from 10 yard line to 10 yard line, then puts someone else in to get the glory and 6 fantasy points...you're an evil man, Coughlin!). The Dominator was living so right that he even got something positive out of the Cardinals' brutal trip to Oakland: Kicker Neil Rackers (10.00) booted 3 FGs, two of them over 40 yards. Let's join the Cardinals Nation (each and every one of the 6 of them) and ask, "Where was that last week on your home field, Neil?" This was just aother week for us to bow to our league leader and accept the fact that whoever has the #1 pick in next year's draft will be taking Peyton Manning.
The Cyhawks, Week 6's bully, were bitten by the injury bug and failed to reach the century mark for Week 7. Matt Hasselbeck (10.54) got off to a decent start, but was knocked out for at least 3 weeks with a knee injury. Fortunately for our Midwesterners, the Chargers played a shootout at Arrowhead, allowing LaDanian Tomlinson (23.92) and Antonio Gates (18.15) to pick up the slack. The baddest man in the NFL, Steve Smith (17.30) had a solid point total, as did T.O. (16.90) on Monday Night. Something tells me that T.O. will be happy with Tony Romo at QB as long as the passes keep coming his way, no matter how many picks Romo throws, or how many games the Cowboys lose. Terry Glenn was obviously Bledsoe's main target, so T.O. has to feel good that his antics and the crappy Cowboys o-line got Bledsoe banished to the bench. Back to Week 7 for the Cyhawks, the poor performance of the Jaguars against Houston was almost as bad as Hasselbeck getting injured. In a game that promised to be a mismatch, it was, but in the wrong direction. Playing kicker Josh Scobee (1.00) and the Jags defense (1.00) looked good on paper, but turned out to be a big disappointment.
The Dunavun McNabb Show (40.34) continued to bring smiles to the faces of The Dragons. Even while throwning 2 picks that got returned to The House, he still posted numbers that are like cotton candy for a fantasy owner. Consider that only Corey Dillon (14.35) and the Giants defense (22.00) joined Dunavun in double figures, and it's obvious that The Dragons would be lost without #5. Coming off of stellar Week 6 performances, Anquan Boldin (7.15) and Clinton Portis (7.20) both were less than stellar in Week 7. The balky groin of Matt Jones made him a late scratch, meaning he didn't have to take any blame for the egg the Jags laid against the Texans. Even semi-reliable Pfc. Kellen Winslow, Jr. (4.70) was MIA on Sunday, meaning that it could have potentially been a disaster of a week for the boys from Yolo County. On a side note, Antwaan Randle El (20.60), who was referred to in last week's review as the worst player, hands down, in the PPFFL, returned a punt for a TD and posted by far his most points of the season. This, considering the injury to Matt Jones, would have normally had The Dragons in the running for the "ISWIWHPTGA", but it's not rational to think ARE would ever have a game like that, so they were never even considered for the award.
Lost in the glow of The Dominator's record setting week was the fact that Plan Z posted the #2 point total for the week. This is kind of like saying you ran a 6-minute mile and finished second in the race to someone who ran it in 3:50...nevertheless, it's still something to feel good about coming off of Rex Grossman's colossally bad game last Monday night. Super good looking and All American guy Tom Brady (29.50) led the way and was joined in the "Good Game Club" by Marvin Harrison (22.65), who finally figured out it was okay to actually catch the ball in the painted area on the other side of the goal line. The Broncos defense (15.00) predictably had a solid day against Cleveland. This made up for the crap game that was had by Santana Moss (4.00). It's uncertain what's to explain Moss' down 2006: Is it that he was a flash in the pan in 2005, or is QB Mark Brunnell just too crappy to get him the ball? In the "Fantasy Scoring Head Scratcher of the Week", Tiki Barber's (12.30) solid game in Dallas produced fewer points than Maurice Jones Drew's (17.65) performance that produced fewer than 20 yards rushing. It just goes to show how far scoring a TD will take you, reminding me that Tom Coughlin is a bitter old man for not letting Tiki carry the ball the last few yards on a touchdown drive.
True to form, The Spongebobs followed up a subpar week with a nice, solid week. Brian Westbrook (29.70) continued to be the MVP in Bikini Bottom, with another monster performance. Receivers Donald Driver (20.95) and Javon Walker (17.35) also did very well, somewhat offsetting the off weeks of Fred Taylor (4.15) and Alex Smith (1.30). That Alex Smith, by the way, is the TE for Tampa Bay. Eli Manning (18.83), once again, looked less than good against a team that doesn't reside at the bottom of the league. It is becoming apparent that Scrooge Coughlin has decided that the best way for the Giants to win games is to keep the wraps on Eli. Some say it is smart football to almost exclusively run the ball with a lead; in this case, it looks like the coach has no faith at all in the QB and doesn't want to give him the chance to make some bad throws that let the other team back into the game. Eli's 2nd half passing in the last two games consisted of dump offs in the flat, passes way downfield on 2nd and short (passes that double as punts if they are picked off), and play action passes inside the 10, where the whole defense is keying on the RB.
Notes:
The Dominator broke out the belt and helped us reminisce about the days when we would fight and cause trouble as kids. He once again took the leather to our backsides, this time in a fantasy football sense. His squad shattered the one week record for points, which had stood for exactly one week. Had it not been for a questionable call on personnel (more on this to follow) he would have an even more commanding lead. Let's just say that his subpar Week 5 has been buried under the avalanche of points that followed in Weeks 6 and 7. And to think he has been out of state during this monumental charge. The rest of the league is hoping things start going south when he has more time to think about his team.
The official standings (Week 7):
The Dominator 762.44 (165.74)
Cyhawks 725.02 (98.06)
The Dragons 698.05 (103.74)
Plan Z 684.48 (113.15)
The Spongebobs 629.97 (104.28)
"The I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy Award" for Week 7 goes to the man at the top. The Dominator decided to play Jeremy Shockey (9.15) at TE this weekend, following up on his great Week 6 performance. This meant that Alge Crumpler (32.85) was riding the pine. Unfortunately for The Dominator, Ron Mexico decided to have his best passing game in ages while using Crumpler as his primary target. Three TDs and over 100 yards receiving were wasted. Those points would have given The Dominator a commanding 60 point lead over the 2nd place Cyhawks and an unthinkable 155 point cushion over The Spongebobs. He still has a commanding lead, but at least we get to poke fun at him for sitting out Crumpler when he had the best game of the season.
To fully appreciate the numbers that some of The Dominator's guys posted, consider that starting RB Willie Parker (0.35) basically sat out the week. Peyton Manning (53.79), Hines Ward (37.55), Darrell Jackson (22.80), and the Bucs defense (21.00) more than compensated for Parker's no-show. Even serial underachiever Ronnie Brown (11.10) scored in double figures. Notable about the performance of the Bucs D was Ronde Baber's 2 TDs off of interception returns...those returns give him exactly 2 more TDs than his twin brother Tiki, who happens to be the NFL's rushing leader (A certain team in the PPFFL is not happy at all that Tom Coughlin lets Tiki carry the ball from 10 yard line to 10 yard line, then puts someone else in to get the glory and 6 fantasy points...you're an evil man, Coughlin!). The Dominator was living so right that he even got something positive out of the Cardinals' brutal trip to Oakland: Kicker Neil Rackers (10.00) booted 3 FGs, two of them over 40 yards. Let's join the Cardinals Nation (each and every one of the 6 of them) and ask, "Where was that last week on your home field, Neil?" This was just aother week for us to bow to our league leader and accept the fact that whoever has the #1 pick in next year's draft will be taking Peyton Manning.
The Cyhawks, Week 6's bully, were bitten by the injury bug and failed to reach the century mark for Week 7. Matt Hasselbeck (10.54) got off to a decent start, but was knocked out for at least 3 weeks with a knee injury. Fortunately for our Midwesterners, the Chargers played a shootout at Arrowhead, allowing LaDanian Tomlinson (23.92) and Antonio Gates (18.15) to pick up the slack. The baddest man in the NFL, Steve Smith (17.30) had a solid point total, as did T.O. (16.90) on Monday Night. Something tells me that T.O. will be happy with Tony Romo at QB as long as the passes keep coming his way, no matter how many picks Romo throws, or how many games the Cowboys lose. Terry Glenn was obviously Bledsoe's main target, so T.O. has to feel good that his antics and the crappy Cowboys o-line got Bledsoe banished to the bench. Back to Week 7 for the Cyhawks, the poor performance of the Jaguars against Houston was almost as bad as Hasselbeck getting injured. In a game that promised to be a mismatch, it was, but in the wrong direction. Playing kicker Josh Scobee (1.00) and the Jags defense (1.00) looked good on paper, but turned out to be a big disappointment.
The Dunavun McNabb Show (40.34) continued to bring smiles to the faces of The Dragons. Even while throwning 2 picks that got returned to The House, he still posted numbers that are like cotton candy for a fantasy owner. Consider that only Corey Dillon (14.35) and the Giants defense (22.00) joined Dunavun in double figures, and it's obvious that The Dragons would be lost without #5. Coming off of stellar Week 6 performances, Anquan Boldin (7.15) and Clinton Portis (7.20) both were less than stellar in Week 7. The balky groin of Matt Jones made him a late scratch, meaning he didn't have to take any blame for the egg the Jags laid against the Texans. Even semi-reliable Pfc. Kellen Winslow, Jr. (4.70) was MIA on Sunday, meaning that it could have potentially been a disaster of a week for the boys from Yolo County. On a side note, Antwaan Randle El (20.60), who was referred to in last week's review as the worst player, hands down, in the PPFFL, returned a punt for a TD and posted by far his most points of the season. This, considering the injury to Matt Jones, would have normally had The Dragons in the running for the "ISWIWHPTGA", but it's not rational to think ARE would ever have a game like that, so they were never even considered for the award.
Lost in the glow of The Dominator's record setting week was the fact that Plan Z posted the #2 point total for the week. This is kind of like saying you ran a 6-minute mile and finished second in the race to someone who ran it in 3:50...nevertheless, it's still something to feel good about coming off of Rex Grossman's colossally bad game last Monday night. Super good looking and All American guy Tom Brady (29.50) led the way and was joined in the "Good Game Club" by Marvin Harrison (22.65), who finally figured out it was okay to actually catch the ball in the painted area on the other side of the goal line. The Broncos defense (15.00) predictably had a solid day against Cleveland. This made up for the crap game that was had by Santana Moss (4.00). It's uncertain what's to explain Moss' down 2006: Is it that he was a flash in the pan in 2005, or is QB Mark Brunnell just too crappy to get him the ball? In the "Fantasy Scoring Head Scratcher of the Week", Tiki Barber's (12.30) solid game in Dallas produced fewer points than Maurice Jones Drew's (17.65) performance that produced fewer than 20 yards rushing. It just goes to show how far scoring a TD will take you, reminding me that Tom Coughlin is a bitter old man for not letting Tiki carry the ball the last few yards on a touchdown drive.
True to form, The Spongebobs followed up a subpar week with a nice, solid week. Brian Westbrook (29.70) continued to be the MVP in Bikini Bottom, with another monster performance. Receivers Donald Driver (20.95) and Javon Walker (17.35) also did very well, somewhat offsetting the off weeks of Fred Taylor (4.15) and Alex Smith (1.30). That Alex Smith, by the way, is the TE for Tampa Bay. Eli Manning (18.83), once again, looked less than good against a team that doesn't reside at the bottom of the league. It is becoming apparent that Scrooge Coughlin has decided that the best way for the Giants to win games is to keep the wraps on Eli. Some say it is smart football to almost exclusively run the ball with a lead; in this case, it looks like the coach has no faith at all in the QB and doesn't want to give him the chance to make some bad throws that let the other team back into the game. Eli's 2nd half passing in the last two games consisted of dump offs in the flat, passes way downfield on 2nd and short (passes that double as punts if they are picked off), and play action passes inside the 10, where the whole defense is keying on the RB.
Notes:
- Transactions will be handled in the following order this week: Spongebobs, Plan Z, Dragons, Cyhawks, Dominator.
- ESPN is really getting irritating. It's not bad enough that Stuart Scott continues to be prominently featured in all of their major programming. Now, they have introduced a feature as stupid as the "Jacked Up" segment. Who are they trying to appeal to with this? Is there really someone in America who watches the game until halftime, then gets fired up when he realizes Tom Jackson and Steve Young will be screaming "So and so got JACKED UP!!" while watching replays of big hits from the previous day? How old are the people who think up these things for the Worldwide Leader? It's cool if you want to show some of the bigger hits from Sunday's action, but do we have to have grown men screaming something stupid? You can't even get that kind of reaction out of the Special Ed kids at McClatchy High (the ones that don't shoot themselves in the hand with guns they brought to school).
- Continuing with ESPN, they did a good job bringing Tony Kornheiser into the MNF booth. Now they need to calm down with all of the ABC cross promotion. Was there any doubt that Emmitt Smith would be making an appearance to talk about "Dancing With the People Who Some People Might Recognize So We'll Call Them Stars"? Speaking of celebrities, how many brain cells did Hank Williams, Jr. (a REAL celebrity) lose after letting Joe Theismann wear his cowboy hat? My guess is that he lost more than he would have after spending the weekend with Willie Nelson. One thing is for sure, as soon as he put that hat back on he began talking non-stop about nothing in general in a condescending voice...oh, and his bald head was covered in the gel and hairspray residue left over from Joe's head.
posted by Patrick Zalasky at 8:41 AM
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