Tuesday Morning Review #6
Well, the standings are just as they were when play ended after Week 4. How we got there is, to paraphrase Joe Starkey, one of the most incredible, amazing, emotional, heart rending things we have seen in the short history of the PPFFL. Last night's epic Monday night battle produced a shift in the standings that was as major as it was unexpected. To quote from yesterday's notes regarding the Cyhawks hold on 1st place, "only a monster game from Rex Grossman (Plan Z) [is] a threat to keep them from finishing Week 6 in 1st place". Boy, oh, boy, did Rex ever have a monster game. Think Frankenstein. Going 14-for-37 and committing 6 turnovers will likely go down as the absolute worst performance from a QB this season in the PPFFL, where QB play is so important. His output of NEGATIVE 6.89 points pushed Plan Z from a solid 2nd place, all the way back to 4th. Not that a decent game from the Gross-man would have kept Plan Z from dropping. That's because The Dominator had Matt Leinart (29.64) and Neil Rackers (12.00), who both came up big, even though one contributed to the Bears comeback with a fumble that got returned for a TD and the other missed the potential game winning FG (right after Joe Theismann called him "automatic" from 40 yards and in...too bad the kick was a 41 yarder).
Deserving of their own paragraph in the discussion of last night's game are The Dragons. Having Anquan Boldin and the Bears defense, they were poised to make up some ground. Through the first 44 minutes of the game, Boldin was doing all of the heavy lifting. The Bears D had given up 23 points (mostly due to the turd being laid by Grossman) and had not forced any turnovers. Then came Mike Brown's fumble recovery and TD as the 3rd quarter was ending. Another fumble recovery and TD for the Bears followed an couple of exchanges of punts. Then, after Grossman threw his 4th pick of the night (the best thing that happened for the Bears because it got their defense back out on the field), the Bears held and forced a punt that Devin Hester returned to The House. An unbelievable turn of events that netted The Dragons 22 points from the last minute of the 3rd quarter through the end of the Cardinals' collapse. To put the icing on the 4th quarter cake, Leinart was throwing almost exclusively to Boldin in the 2nd half, getting The Dragons points whether the Bears defense was scoring TDs or not.
Trying not to let it get lost in the shuffle, let's award this week's "I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy Award". Officially it goes to The Spongebobs who sat Drew Brees (41.45) in favor of Eli Manning (22.10). Eli didn't pull his usual "stink it up in the 1st half and rack up tons of points in the 2nd when the game is out of reach" because the Giants actually had the lead and Tom Coughlin quit letting him throw the ball out of fear he would screw everything up. Unofficially, this award goes to Plan Z for choosing not to play without a QB this week. Leaving that spot in the lineup empty would have been much better than playing the former top rated QB in the NFL against one of the league's crappiest defenses.
Following are the updated standings, which we all can admit that nobody expected going into last night's collision turned collapse (Week 6):
Cyhawks 626.96 (151.72)
The Dominator 596.70 (133.74)
The Dragons 594.26 (119.89)
Plan Z 571.41 (85.66)
The Spongebobs 525.69 (81.05)
Overshadowed by last night's circus was the fact that the Cyhawks did, indeed, set a record for the most points scored in a single week. Most of the damage for them was done by their Fantastic 4: Carson Palmer (28.77), Terrell Owens (25.25), Steve Smith (26.45), and LaDanian Tomlinson (37.75). In all fairness, it must be pointed out that the Cyhawks could have been battling The Dominator this week for the single week scoring record had The Big Tuna not run up the score on Houston and stroked T.O.'s ego all at the same time. Garbage time TDs provided over half of T.O.'s points and probably pacified him for at least another week. Antonio Gates (14.90) had a nice week as far as tight ends have been going, albeit against a 49er defense that seemed to be only fielding 8 or 9 players on most downs. John Carney (9.00) kicked a game winning FG and the Saints D (7.00) were the first ones all season to keep Dunnnnnavunnnn McNabb under control.
The Dominator is back. His draft day maneuver to land Matt Leinart (29.64) was pure genius. In fact, it was more than that. It was as if Bill Walsh, George Halas, and Billy Bean had all been combined into one super GM. Accenting Leinart this week was a super balanced effort featuring Jeremy Shockey (20.75) giving his best performance this season; Willie Parker (18.90) and Steven Jackson (17.50) toting the ball consistently; and Darrell Jackson (14.70) and Hines Ward (13.95) doing what Darrell Jackson and Hines Ward do. The Dominator even got an above average night out of Neil Rackers (12.00) in a game where he choked away a victory for the Cards. Weeks like this show you why the guy has been near the top all season. Maneuvering to get Leinart; acquiring Rackers when his regular kicker went down; sticking with Shockey after a couple of bad weeks; and not panicking after last week's debacle. Need we say more?
What could have been a horrible week turned into a bonanza starting around 8:00 pm last night for The Dragons. Anquan Boldin (27.80) and Chicago's defense (23.00) vaulted these guys to the brink of 2nd place. They salvaged a below average week from Dunnavunnn (27.44) and disappearances from Antwaan Randle El (1.60) and Jason Witten (3.85). Had it not been for last night, Clinton Portis (20.75) would have been their only shining star. Reggie Bush (8.45) continued to be the "Ron Mexico of RBs". There is always the potential for something great to happen, but there is absolutely no consistency. The maddening thing is that, like last week, the great performances come when you decide to bench him for the week. Getting back to ARE, the colossal bust of a signing for Dan "I'm still taller than Jim Kozimor" Snyder, he is the worst performer of anyone on a PPFFL roster who hasn't been injured this season. It's really not even close.
Plan Z is shellshocked this morning. After the morning games on Sunday, they were sitting pretty. Solid performances from Torry Holt (36.70) and Tiki Barber (17.35) had them thinking they would be at the top for another week. In the five games that were played Sunday afternoon, evening, and last night, everything got turned upside down. To start, Larry Johnson (10.60), Tony Gonzalez (3.75) and the rest of the Chiefs got their asses handed to them in Pittsburgh. Then, the vomit inducing performance by Grossman last night had Plan Z only watching the game to see if the Cardinals could pull off one of the most memorable collapses of all time. It was debateable what made Plan Z's stomachs hurt more, watching Grossman hand the ball over to AZ like candy on Halloween, or watching the Cards find the most creative, humiliating, obscure, and painful way to lose. Dennis Green's explosion in the interview room last night was completely warranted. His crappy team played over its head for the whole first half. His offense did just enough to not lose the game for most of the 2nd half. And, his defense took advantage of the worst performance by a QB not named DeBerg in the last 40 years, yet they still somehow blew it. The volume of his tirade was great, but just what the heck was he talking about? "The Bears are who we expected them to be". Yeah, Denny, they are that football team based in Chicago. After having to watch his team give away games many times in the last 3 years, including the Rams and Chiefs games in the 2 weeks prior to last night, you would have thought that Denny would be well versed on postgame tirades. Let's hope he improves over the rest of the season, as it is becoming increasingly unlikely that his round, Grimace-like self will be on an NFL sideline for much longer.
That brings us to The Spongebobs, who would have had a decent week if the top 3 teams hadn't blown up. It was nothing spectacular, but Eli Manning (22.10), L.J. Smith (12.40), Nate Kaeding (13.00), and the Chargers defense (10.00) all did halfway decently. Unfortunately, Plaxico Burress (6.20) and the dinged up Brian Westbrook (6.75) didn't perform up to their usual standards. Burress' performance can be excused by the fact that Coach Coughlin told Eli that he would murder him on the sideline if he dared throw any passes down the field in the 2nd half. Lost in all of the hoopla last night was the fact that Mushin Muhammad (1.10) actually scored a point and a fraction on a night that his QB was negative (sorry, I just can't seem to get over that). If one trend holds true to form, Team Schizo will be big in Week 7, as they tend to alternate great weeks with less than stellar weeks.
Notes:
Well, the standings are just as they were when play ended after Week 4. How we got there is, to paraphrase Joe Starkey, one of the most incredible, amazing, emotional, heart rending things we have seen in the short history of the PPFFL. Last night's epic Monday night battle produced a shift in the standings that was as major as it was unexpected. To quote from yesterday's notes regarding the Cyhawks hold on 1st place, "only a monster game from Rex Grossman (Plan Z) [is] a threat to keep them from finishing Week 6 in 1st place". Boy, oh, boy, did Rex ever have a monster game. Think Frankenstein. Going 14-for-37 and committing 6 turnovers will likely go down as the absolute worst performance from a QB this season in the PPFFL, where QB play is so important. His output of NEGATIVE 6.89 points pushed Plan Z from a solid 2nd place, all the way back to 4th. Not that a decent game from the Gross-man would have kept Plan Z from dropping. That's because The Dominator had Matt Leinart (29.64) and Neil Rackers (12.00), who both came up big, even though one contributed to the Bears comeback with a fumble that got returned for a TD and the other missed the potential game winning FG (right after Joe Theismann called him "automatic" from 40 yards and in...too bad the kick was a 41 yarder).
Deserving of their own paragraph in the discussion of last night's game are The Dragons. Having Anquan Boldin and the Bears defense, they were poised to make up some ground. Through the first 44 minutes of the game, Boldin was doing all of the heavy lifting. The Bears D had given up 23 points (mostly due to the turd being laid by Grossman) and had not forced any turnovers. Then came Mike Brown's fumble recovery and TD as the 3rd quarter was ending. Another fumble recovery and TD for the Bears followed an couple of exchanges of punts. Then, after Grossman threw his 4th pick of the night (the best thing that happened for the Bears because it got their defense back out on the field), the Bears held and forced a punt that Devin Hester returned to The House. An unbelievable turn of events that netted The Dragons 22 points from the last minute of the 3rd quarter through the end of the Cardinals' collapse. To put the icing on the 4th quarter cake, Leinart was throwing almost exclusively to Boldin in the 2nd half, getting The Dragons points whether the Bears defense was scoring TDs or not.
Trying not to let it get lost in the shuffle, let's award this week's "I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy Award". Officially it goes to The Spongebobs who sat Drew Brees (41.45) in favor of Eli Manning (22.10). Eli didn't pull his usual "stink it up in the 1st half and rack up tons of points in the 2nd when the game is out of reach" because the Giants actually had the lead and Tom Coughlin quit letting him throw the ball out of fear he would screw everything up. Unofficially, this award goes to Plan Z for choosing not to play without a QB this week. Leaving that spot in the lineup empty would have been much better than playing the former top rated QB in the NFL against one of the league's crappiest defenses.
Following are the updated standings, which we all can admit that nobody expected going into last night's collision turned collapse (Week 6):
Cyhawks 626.96 (151.72)
The Dominator 596.70 (133.74)
The Dragons 594.26 (119.89)
Plan Z 571.41 (85.66)
The Spongebobs 525.69 (81.05)
Overshadowed by last night's circus was the fact that the Cyhawks did, indeed, set a record for the most points scored in a single week. Most of the damage for them was done by their Fantastic 4: Carson Palmer (28.77), Terrell Owens (25.25), Steve Smith (26.45), and LaDanian Tomlinson (37.75). In all fairness, it must be pointed out that the Cyhawks could have been battling The Dominator this week for the single week scoring record had The Big Tuna not run up the score on Houston and stroked T.O.'s ego all at the same time. Garbage time TDs provided over half of T.O.'s points and probably pacified him for at least another week. Antonio Gates (14.90) had a nice week as far as tight ends have been going, albeit against a 49er defense that seemed to be only fielding 8 or 9 players on most downs. John Carney (9.00) kicked a game winning FG and the Saints D (7.00) were the first ones all season to keep Dunnnnnavunnnn McNabb under control.
The Dominator is back. His draft day maneuver to land Matt Leinart (29.64) was pure genius. In fact, it was more than that. It was as if Bill Walsh, George Halas, and Billy Bean had all been combined into one super GM. Accenting Leinart this week was a super balanced effort featuring Jeremy Shockey (20.75) giving his best performance this season; Willie Parker (18.90) and Steven Jackson (17.50) toting the ball consistently; and Darrell Jackson (14.70) and Hines Ward (13.95) doing what Darrell Jackson and Hines Ward do. The Dominator even got an above average night out of Neil Rackers (12.00) in a game where he choked away a victory for the Cards. Weeks like this show you why the guy has been near the top all season. Maneuvering to get Leinart; acquiring Rackers when his regular kicker went down; sticking with Shockey after a couple of bad weeks; and not panicking after last week's debacle. Need we say more?
What could have been a horrible week turned into a bonanza starting around 8:00 pm last night for The Dragons. Anquan Boldin (27.80) and Chicago's defense (23.00) vaulted these guys to the brink of 2nd place. They salvaged a below average week from Dunnavunnn (27.44) and disappearances from Antwaan Randle El (1.60) and Jason Witten (3.85). Had it not been for last night, Clinton Portis (20.75) would have been their only shining star. Reggie Bush (8.45) continued to be the "Ron Mexico of RBs". There is always the potential for something great to happen, but there is absolutely no consistency. The maddening thing is that, like last week, the great performances come when you decide to bench him for the week. Getting back to ARE, the colossal bust of a signing for Dan "I'm still taller than Jim Kozimor" Snyder, he is the worst performer of anyone on a PPFFL roster who hasn't been injured this season. It's really not even close.
Plan Z is shellshocked this morning. After the morning games on Sunday, they were sitting pretty. Solid performances from Torry Holt (36.70) and Tiki Barber (17.35) had them thinking they would be at the top for another week. In the five games that were played Sunday afternoon, evening, and last night, everything got turned upside down. To start, Larry Johnson (10.60), Tony Gonzalez (3.75) and the rest of the Chiefs got their asses handed to them in Pittsburgh. Then, the vomit inducing performance by Grossman last night had Plan Z only watching the game to see if the Cardinals could pull off one of the most memorable collapses of all time. It was debateable what made Plan Z's stomachs hurt more, watching Grossman hand the ball over to AZ like candy on Halloween, or watching the Cards find the most creative, humiliating, obscure, and painful way to lose. Dennis Green's explosion in the interview room last night was completely warranted. His crappy team played over its head for the whole first half. His offense did just enough to not lose the game for most of the 2nd half. And, his defense took advantage of the worst performance by a QB not named DeBerg in the last 40 years, yet they still somehow blew it. The volume of his tirade was great, but just what the heck was he talking about? "The Bears are who we expected them to be". Yeah, Denny, they are that football team based in Chicago. After having to watch his team give away games many times in the last 3 years, including the Rams and Chiefs games in the 2 weeks prior to last night, you would have thought that Denny would be well versed on postgame tirades. Let's hope he improves over the rest of the season, as it is becoming increasingly unlikely that his round, Grimace-like self will be on an NFL sideline for much longer.
That brings us to The Spongebobs, who would have had a decent week if the top 3 teams hadn't blown up. It was nothing spectacular, but Eli Manning (22.10), L.J. Smith (12.40), Nate Kaeding (13.00), and the Chargers defense (10.00) all did halfway decently. Unfortunately, Plaxico Burress (6.20) and the dinged up Brian Westbrook (6.75) didn't perform up to their usual standards. Burress' performance can be excused by the fact that Coach Coughlin told Eli that he would murder him on the sideline if he dared throw any passes down the field in the 2nd half. Lost in all of the hoopla last night was the fact that Mushin Muhammad (1.10) actually scored a point and a fraction on a night that his QB was negative (sorry, I just can't seem to get over that). If one trend holds true to form, Team Schizo will be big in Week 7, as they tend to alternate great weeks with less than stellar weeks.
Notes:
- The Spongebobs are first in line for transactions this week, so get your requests in early. Bob likes to deal and he doesn't like waiting around for the rest of you to make up your minds. The rest of the order is Plan Z, The Dragons, The Dominator, and the Cyhawks.
- The NFL's "Official Scalpers Game Off" for 2006 takes place Sunday in Oakland as the Cardinals come in to play the Raiders. On the surface, this game looks like a stinker. Look closer, though, and it becomes intriguing. Can the Raiders possibly be bad enough that they can't beat a team that travels with broken mirrors and black cats; whose pregame ritual is to step on as many cracks and walk under as many ladders as possible? This game doesn't need a team of officials, it needs a team of clergymen that specialize in exorcisms. The Cards need to rid themselves of whatever curse they have and the Raiders (and the rest of the world) need to be rid of the white satin wearing owner of their team (who Paul Tagliabue and the corpse of Pete Rozelle would tell you hails from Hades).
Week 7's schedule and some semi-accurate injury reports to follow.....
The Commish
posted by Patrick Zalasky at 8:49 AM
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