Tuesday Morning Review #8
With some help from the A-Man, who is in studio today, we have the Halloween version of the TMR. Week 8 was, from top to bottom, the best week in the history of the PPFFL. Everyone, with the exception of The Dragons, scored at least 120 points. It was a case of the rich getting richer, however, as The Dominator and Cyhawks led the way. A little less than halfway through the season, The Dominator has a commanding lead, but everyone seems to be figuring this fantasy football thing out, so for the sake of competition, lets hope things tighten up over the last 53% of the season.
Official standings (Week 8):
The Dominator 907.14 (144.70)
Cyhawks 865.34 (140.32)
Plan Z 809.02 (124.54)
The Dragons 791.77 (93.72)
The Spongebobs 750.13 (120.16)
During a week where every team but one hit triple figures, you would think that one team would have the inside track at the "I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy Award". Unfortunately for The Dragons, they pretty much played their best players, leaving nobody on the bench that would have helped them out. The winner this week is The Spongebobs. They left Marques Colston (29.15) on the bench against the formidable Baltimore defense. He racked up a nice point total for a WR while starter Donald Driver (7.40) was having a very ho-hum day against the anemic defense of the Cardinals. Congratulations go out to Patrick's best friend and Squidward's arch nemesis on repeating their honor from Week 6.
The Manning Train was once again chugging along for The Dominator. Peyton (58.35), otherwise known as "The Manning who doesn't throw off of his back foot into triple coverage all the time", exploded again this week against the previously dominant Denver defense. At halftime, it looked like "The Franchise" might be having one of those days where he throws for a ton of yards, but not many TDs. It turns out he was just setting up Adam Vinatieri (16.00), The Dominator's kicker, for the top scoring day for a non-athlete in PPFFL history. Once the second half came, the TDs followed and another 50+ point day was the result. It was far from a one or two man show, though, as everyone that played for our leader and mentor, with the exception of the Bucs defense (3.00) scored in double figures. Steven Jackson (15.95), who The Dominator once listed as "Michael" on his lineup wasn't quite a thriller, but certainly won't be told to beat it any time soon. Alge Crumpler (13.60) capitalized on the resurgence of Ron Mexico; Willie Parker (13.55) and Hines Ward (12.05) had solid games while their QB was pulling a mini-Grossman; and Darrell Jackson (12.20) hauled in one of Seneca Wallace's first TD passes. Let's face it, when Parker and Ward hit double digits in that disaster of a performance by the Steelers, you know they take pride in performing for The Dominator....and are probably a little scared of what he might do should they lay an egg.
Another great week from the Cyhawks only resulted in an even bigger deficit in the standings. Right now, they just can't get out of The Dominator's way. It was a week where only 3 games had to be followed in order for Ang to keep track of his whole team, possibly saying something about the choice of games that the Fox and CBS affiliates in Iowa make. Riding the arm of Carson Palmer (33.67) and the legs, arm, hands, and heart of LaDainian Tomlinson (36.00), they appeared to be making a move toward the top of the standings. In fact, if Ang had ever confused LDT with a former pop star who has a Peter Pan complex (which is about all I can write since kids might be reading this) and who now lives in an obscure country in the Middle East, well I could throw in a couple of lame puns while writing about him. Instead, I'll just say that he is definitely the front runner for the PPFFL "Non-QB MVP". The baddest man in the NFL, Steve Smith (16.75) threw up good numbers in a game where Delhomme and Keyshawn did what they could to make sure the Panthers went home with a loss. Jake, from now on, don't throw Keyshawn the d*** ball so much when you have Smith on the other side. Ocho Cinco (15.90) had his first solid game in a long time, even though we didn't get to see the Chad Johnson disappearing ball with a puff of smoke TD celebration.
Plan Z took the lead in their 3rd place/4th place dance with The Dragons. Amid catcalls from Alex and Jack about better things that could have been done with the roster, Rex Grossman (43.04) bounced back from his debacle in Arizona by taking advantage of the 8 man Niners defense. Nothing is better for a QB coming off of a horrible game than facing a defense that plays three men short. Outside of Rex, only the Chiefs in the Plan Z lineup did anything of note. Larry Johnson (38.05) and Tony Gonzalez (16.80) were both very productive in the shootout at Arrowhead. Marvin Harrison (6.90), who once was taking aim at numbers put up by the likes of Rice, Carter, and Brown, now is looking like Rice after he left the Niners...no, not Raider Jerry, or even Seahawk Jerry...we're talking Bronco Jerry (which means Plan Z will send Harrison to the bench, only to watch him score 4 or 5 TDs in the next game). Torry Holt (7.40) was off of his game for the first time since Week 2 and Maurice Jones-Drew (7.35) failed to get into the end zone for the first time in a month. Maybe Alex and Jack are right. Without big weeks from Grossman and the Chiefs, this would have been a horrible week for Plan Z. For that reason, A&J are taking over all personnel decisions for Week 9, and maybe beyond. Just remember when the transactions and starting lineups are posted this week that Plan Z is being run by an 8-year old and a 6-year old. If you think your kids fight, wait until Sunday if some of A&J's moves don't work out. Also remember their ages if Plan Z goes nuts and scores in the mid 150s while your team struggles to get to triple digits.
The woman in the 3rd place/4th place dance this week was The Dragons. Much like Jerry Springer, their performance fell a little short of the rest of the league. Dunnavunn McNabb's (15.07) rare struggles led to boos from the fans in Philly and a less than stellar week for his PPFFL team. Even worse was Reggie Bush (2.55) who again showed some rookie inconsistency while injuring himself against Baltimore. Thank goodness The Dragons had the foresight to start Thomas Jones (19.70) against the Niners and their 2-3-3 defense. Kellen Winslow (16.80) kept up his steady ways against the Jets in what can only be described as the most nondescript game of the season. Seriously, if you're producer for any of the Sunday morning pregame shows, how do you come up with an exciting angle for a Jets/Browns game? Put those two teams or the Bills against anyone in the league and the game automatically becomes the snoozer of the week. When two of them play each other, it's officially the snoozer of the year. Considering the fact that the Bills and Jets play twice a season, it's no wonder Bills fans are hoping for heavy snow late in the season. Chucking snowballs and riding cardboard boxes down stadium stairs is much more worth $80 for a ticket than watching the boring and crappy Bills play the boring Jets.
Bucking their season long trend, The Spongebobs followed up a good week with another good week. They may be Team Schizo no more. In what was a puzzling move at first glance, they started Frank Gore (11.00) against the Chicago defense (16.00). Oddly enough, and that's a pretty good way to describe the SB's season, it worked out well. Bob made a great move in starting Drew Brees (36.46) and also picked up Jason Witten (16.00) for Tony Romo's first career start. It's a fact in the NFL that young and inexperienced QBs like to rely on their tight ends for safe, low risk passes. Brian Westbrook (13.30) had his second straight week where he performed worse than the standard he set early on. Is this just a brief slump that coincides with the rest of the Eagles, or a sign that he was a bit overused by Andy Reid early on? Every season, Westbrook seems to come up lame late in the year, and he's been battling a knee injury all season. A heavy workload probably wasn't the best thing for him while he was trying to heal. On the other hand, Brian Westbrook is a football player and football players play football. He is in the National Football League and that means that as a football player, you want to be out there playing smash mouth football. Brian Westbrook doesn't think about his knee when he's playing physical football because that's the way you have to be when you are playing in the National Football League. That's what those of us who play or have played in the National Football League call savvy and Brian Westbrook has a lot of savvy. Whoa! Sorry, I was channeling Mark Schlereth, Sean Salisbury, Mike Golic, and every other ex-player in the National Football League that now gets their mug on TV to discuss football and football players.
Notes:
With some help from the A-Man, who is in studio today, we have the Halloween version of the TMR. Week 8 was, from top to bottom, the best week in the history of the PPFFL. Everyone, with the exception of The Dragons, scored at least 120 points. It was a case of the rich getting richer, however, as The Dominator and Cyhawks led the way. A little less than halfway through the season, The Dominator has a commanding lead, but everyone seems to be figuring this fantasy football thing out, so for the sake of competition, lets hope things tighten up over the last 53% of the season.
Official standings (Week 8):
The Dominator 907.14 (144.70)
Cyhawks 865.34 (140.32)
Plan Z 809.02 (124.54)
The Dragons 791.77 (93.72)
The Spongebobs 750.13 (120.16)
During a week where every team but one hit triple figures, you would think that one team would have the inside track at the "I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy Award". Unfortunately for The Dragons, they pretty much played their best players, leaving nobody on the bench that would have helped them out. The winner this week is The Spongebobs. They left Marques Colston (29.15) on the bench against the formidable Baltimore defense. He racked up a nice point total for a WR while starter Donald Driver (7.40) was having a very ho-hum day against the anemic defense of the Cardinals. Congratulations go out to Patrick's best friend and Squidward's arch nemesis on repeating their honor from Week 6.
The Manning Train was once again chugging along for The Dominator. Peyton (58.35), otherwise known as "The Manning who doesn't throw off of his back foot into triple coverage all the time", exploded again this week against the previously dominant Denver defense. At halftime, it looked like "The Franchise" might be having one of those days where he throws for a ton of yards, but not many TDs. It turns out he was just setting up Adam Vinatieri (16.00), The Dominator's kicker, for the top scoring day for a non-athlete in PPFFL history. Once the second half came, the TDs followed and another 50+ point day was the result. It was far from a one or two man show, though, as everyone that played for our leader and mentor, with the exception of the Bucs defense (3.00) scored in double figures. Steven Jackson (15.95), who The Dominator once listed as "Michael" on his lineup wasn't quite a thriller, but certainly won't be told to beat it any time soon. Alge Crumpler (13.60) capitalized on the resurgence of Ron Mexico; Willie Parker (13.55) and Hines Ward (12.05) had solid games while their QB was pulling a mini-Grossman; and Darrell Jackson (12.20) hauled in one of Seneca Wallace's first TD passes. Let's face it, when Parker and Ward hit double digits in that disaster of a performance by the Steelers, you know they take pride in performing for The Dominator....and are probably a little scared of what he might do should they lay an egg.
Another great week from the Cyhawks only resulted in an even bigger deficit in the standings. Right now, they just can't get out of The Dominator's way. It was a week where only 3 games had to be followed in order for Ang to keep track of his whole team, possibly saying something about the choice of games that the Fox and CBS affiliates in Iowa make. Riding the arm of Carson Palmer (33.67) and the legs, arm, hands, and heart of LaDainian Tomlinson (36.00), they appeared to be making a move toward the top of the standings. In fact, if Ang had ever confused LDT with a former pop star who has a Peter Pan complex (which is about all I can write since kids might be reading this) and who now lives in an obscure country in the Middle East, well I could throw in a couple of lame puns while writing about him. Instead, I'll just say that he is definitely the front runner for the PPFFL "Non-QB MVP". The baddest man in the NFL, Steve Smith (16.75) threw up good numbers in a game where Delhomme and Keyshawn did what they could to make sure the Panthers went home with a loss. Jake, from now on, don't throw Keyshawn the d*** ball so much when you have Smith on the other side. Ocho Cinco (15.90) had his first solid game in a long time, even though we didn't get to see the Chad Johnson disappearing ball with a puff of smoke TD celebration.
Plan Z took the lead in their 3rd place/4th place dance with The Dragons. Amid catcalls from Alex and Jack about better things that could have been done with the roster, Rex Grossman (43.04) bounced back from his debacle in Arizona by taking advantage of the 8 man Niners defense. Nothing is better for a QB coming off of a horrible game than facing a defense that plays three men short. Outside of Rex, only the Chiefs in the Plan Z lineup did anything of note. Larry Johnson (38.05) and Tony Gonzalez (16.80) were both very productive in the shootout at Arrowhead. Marvin Harrison (6.90), who once was taking aim at numbers put up by the likes of Rice, Carter, and Brown, now is looking like Rice after he left the Niners...no, not Raider Jerry, or even Seahawk Jerry...we're talking Bronco Jerry (which means Plan Z will send Harrison to the bench, only to watch him score 4 or 5 TDs in the next game). Torry Holt (7.40) was off of his game for the first time since Week 2 and Maurice Jones-Drew (7.35) failed to get into the end zone for the first time in a month. Maybe Alex and Jack are right. Without big weeks from Grossman and the Chiefs, this would have been a horrible week for Plan Z. For that reason, A&J are taking over all personnel decisions for Week 9, and maybe beyond. Just remember when the transactions and starting lineups are posted this week that Plan Z is being run by an 8-year old and a 6-year old. If you think your kids fight, wait until Sunday if some of A&J's moves don't work out. Also remember their ages if Plan Z goes nuts and scores in the mid 150s while your team struggles to get to triple digits.
The woman in the 3rd place/4th place dance this week was The Dragons. Much like Jerry Springer, their performance fell a little short of the rest of the league. Dunnavunn McNabb's (15.07) rare struggles led to boos from the fans in Philly and a less than stellar week for his PPFFL team. Even worse was Reggie Bush (2.55) who again showed some rookie inconsistency while injuring himself against Baltimore. Thank goodness The Dragons had the foresight to start Thomas Jones (19.70) against the Niners and their 2-3-3 defense. Kellen Winslow (16.80) kept up his steady ways against the Jets in what can only be described as the most nondescript game of the season. Seriously, if you're producer for any of the Sunday morning pregame shows, how do you come up with an exciting angle for a Jets/Browns game? Put those two teams or the Bills against anyone in the league and the game automatically becomes the snoozer of the week. When two of them play each other, it's officially the snoozer of the year. Considering the fact that the Bills and Jets play twice a season, it's no wonder Bills fans are hoping for heavy snow late in the season. Chucking snowballs and riding cardboard boxes down stadium stairs is much more worth $80 for a ticket than watching the boring and crappy Bills play the boring Jets.
Bucking their season long trend, The Spongebobs followed up a good week with another good week. They may be Team Schizo no more. In what was a puzzling move at first glance, they started Frank Gore (11.00) against the Chicago defense (16.00). Oddly enough, and that's a pretty good way to describe the SB's season, it worked out well. Bob made a great move in starting Drew Brees (36.46) and also picked up Jason Witten (16.00) for Tony Romo's first career start. It's a fact in the NFL that young and inexperienced QBs like to rely on their tight ends for safe, low risk passes. Brian Westbrook (13.30) had his second straight week where he performed worse than the standard he set early on. Is this just a brief slump that coincides with the rest of the Eagles, or a sign that he was a bit overused by Andy Reid early on? Every season, Westbrook seems to come up lame late in the year, and he's been battling a knee injury all season. A heavy workload probably wasn't the best thing for him while he was trying to heal. On the other hand, Brian Westbrook is a football player and football players play football. He is in the National Football League and that means that as a football player, you want to be out there playing smash mouth football. Brian Westbrook doesn't think about his knee when he's playing physical football because that's the way you have to be when you are playing in the National Football League. That's what those of us who play or have played in the National Football League call savvy and Brian Westbrook has a lot of savvy. Whoa! Sorry, I was channeling Mark Schlereth, Sean Salisbury, Mike Golic, and every other ex-player in the National Football League that now gets their mug on TV to discuss football and football players.
Notes:
- The order for transactions is The Spongebobs, The Dragons, Plan Z, Cyhawks, and The Dominator.
- In a season where each network seems to be trying to set the standard for the lamest thing to be broadcast on TV, ESPN once again took the lead with that stupid race between people dressed up like ESPN personalities. Sausage racing in Milwaukee is awesome; Presidents racing in Washington is cool, too; Chris Berman, Mike Tirico, Joe Theismann, et al, running up and down the Metrodome field is completely moronic. It wasn't even a good race, either. Tirico had the early lead because he figured out how to get his feet out of those enormous shoes they were wearing. Steve Young then decided it was a real race and started sprinting (was anyone else curious why the other characters were normal sized while the guy in the Steve Young costume was about 6'10"?). Meanwhile, the rest of the personalities were walking at best, or in Theismann's case limping (was that supposed to be the Joe a couple of months after LT snapped his leg in half?). Throw in the Metrodome announcer who had to somehow incorporate every character into his play-by-play while Young ran the course in about 10.2 seconds and it was probably the dumbest moment in halftime entertaiment history. Yes, even dumber that the night they had square dancing at halftime of a Kings game. The bit may have worked if it had played out like this:
The gun goes off. Tirico immediately finds the best looking Vikings cheerleader and starts chatting her up. Berman, meanwhile, sits down and starts eating a pile of double cheeseburgers. Theismann gets off to a good start, but halfway through has to stop and change into his Toronto Argonauts uniform, since his pro football roots were first planted in the Great White North. Michael Irvin, who breaks out to a big lead, is suddenly blind sided by someone wearing a giant Reggie White head. As the crowd goes crazy, a stripper runs out to help and The Playmaker starts vacuuming up the 30 yard line with his nose. A guy with a giant policeman's head comes running out and Irvin explains that he was just cleaning up a mess left by his cousin and that he was doing nothing wrong. The race is now down to Tom Jackson, Tony Kornheiser, and Steve Young. Nobody really cares about Jackson, so someone with a giant "Gong Show"-style hook eliminates him from the race. Kornheiser is like 60 years old, so Young is out in the open, all by himself heading for the finish line and certain victory....when he finds someone wearing a giant Joe Montana head being crowned the winner. That's okay Steve, maybe you can win after fake Super Joe wins three more of these stupid races.
I think that's probably enough for Week 8. Get those transaction requests and lineups in for Week 9. And, in the meantime, do great things, gentelmen.
The Commish
posted by Patrick Zalasky at 8:43 AM
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