Week 5 Transactions
Those of you who thought the Spongebobs would stand pat with their roster this week, please raise your hand....yeah, we all knew Bob would be working the waiver wire. Herewith are the Week 5 transactions (written as if Traci were announcing them):
The Spongebobs waive super hot QB Tom Brady (New England) and acquire QB Mark Brunell (Warshington) - The Redskins have only won, like, 1 game...why would he want their quarterback? Plus, who in their right mind would waive Tom Brady? I mean, if women played fantasy football, he'd be the #1 pick every year and would never be waived, no matter how bad he was...at least until Alex Rodriguez or Dr. McDreamy decided to play quarterback in the NFL.
The Spongebobs waive WR Antonio Bryant (San Francisco) and acquire WR Marquez Colston (New Orleans) - Who are these guys? I mean, it's a good move to dump any 49er, but isn't there someone available that we've actually heard of? Does Art Monk still play?
The Spongebobs waive Cincinnati's defense and acquire San Diego's defense. - Why do you guys pick defenses? That doesn't make any sense. Are either of those teams even any good?
*We also have a correction to a Spongebobs maneuver from Week 4. It was reported that they had waived Frank Gore to pick up Ahman Green. They actually wanted to waive Carnell "Ford Focus" Williams. My apologies. Even with this mistake, I have still executed 99.999997% of Bob's transactions correctly.
Now, back to the transactions....
Plan Z waives QB Ron Mexico (Atlanta) and acquires QB Tom Brady (New England) - That's a good move. Michael Vick is a thug and his brother is even worse. You know that his brother is going to live off of him his whole life, if he doesn't go to prison first. Even though he went to Virginia Tech, I don't like him. Michael is okay, but Tom Brady is way cuter, so you guys should hold onto him all season. Once Peyton Manning was gone, you should have drafted him. Did yo do the drafting? Because, I don't think Alex and Jack would have been dumb enough to pass on Brady for that fat guy who was playing running back for the Chiefs last week. And, I still don't understand how you could cheer for that guy scoring touchdowns against your favorite team. That doesn't make sense. What does make sense is that you finally picked up a quarterback that I can root for. He's not married, is he? I don't think so, because he would definitely marry a model or an actress and I would have read about it in In Touch or People, or would have seen it on Entertainment Tonight, Extra, Access Hollywood, Inside Extra Entertaiment Access, or as most of America calls those shows, The News.
Okay, enough insight from Traci. On a techinical note, since Plan Z is in 4th place, I didn't have to formally let you all know that super hot QB Tom Brady had been waived before picking him up, because we were next on the free agent list. If any of you want Ron Mexico, feel free to claim him.
Those of you who thought the Spongebobs would stand pat with their roster this week, please raise your hand....yeah, we all knew Bob would be working the waiver wire. Herewith are the Week 5 transactions (written as if Traci were announcing them):
The Spongebobs waive super hot QB Tom Brady (New England) and acquire QB Mark Brunell (Warshington) - The Redskins have only won, like, 1 game...why would he want their quarterback? Plus, who in their right mind would waive Tom Brady? I mean, if women played fantasy football, he'd be the #1 pick every year and would never be waived, no matter how bad he was...at least until Alex Rodriguez or Dr. McDreamy decided to play quarterback in the NFL.
The Spongebobs waive WR Antonio Bryant (San Francisco) and acquire WR Marquez Colston (New Orleans) - Who are these guys? I mean, it's a good move to dump any 49er, but isn't there someone available that we've actually heard of? Does Art Monk still play?
The Spongebobs waive Cincinnati's defense and acquire San Diego's defense. - Why do you guys pick defenses? That doesn't make any sense. Are either of those teams even any good?
*We also have a correction to a Spongebobs maneuver from Week 4. It was reported that they had waived Frank Gore to pick up Ahman Green. They actually wanted to waive Carnell "Ford Focus" Williams. My apologies. Even with this mistake, I have still executed 99.999997% of Bob's transactions correctly.
Now, back to the transactions....
Plan Z waives QB Ron Mexico (Atlanta) and acquires QB Tom Brady (New England) - That's a good move. Michael Vick is a thug and his brother is even worse. You know that his brother is going to live off of him his whole life, if he doesn't go to prison first. Even though he went to Virginia Tech, I don't like him. Michael is okay, but Tom Brady is way cuter, so you guys should hold onto him all season. Once Peyton Manning was gone, you should have drafted him. Did yo do the drafting? Because, I don't think Alex and Jack would have been dumb enough to pass on Brady for that fat guy who was playing running back for the Chiefs last week. And, I still don't understand how you could cheer for that guy scoring touchdowns against your favorite team. That doesn't make sense. What does make sense is that you finally picked up a quarterback that I can root for. He's not married, is he? I don't think so, because he would definitely marry a model or an actress and I would have read about it in In Touch or People, or would have seen it on Entertainment Tonight, Extra, Access Hollywood, Inside Extra Entertaiment Access, or as most of America calls those shows, The News.
Okay, enough insight from Traci. On a techinical note, since Plan Z is in 4th place, I didn't have to formally let you all know that super hot QB Tom Brady had been waived before picking him up, because we were next on the free agent list. If any of you want Ron Mexico, feel free to claim him.
posted by Patrick Zalasky at 8:45 AM
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