Tuesday Morning Review v.2.2
Different year, same story.
At least, that's the way the very top of the standings look after Week 2. In a week where there seemed to be tons of offensive explosions offset by a few boring, low scoring games, the Kellogg Krushers and The Dominator found themselves back at the top of the league. After those two, the middle of the pack for the week was pretty even, with only The Outlaws trailing behind the peloton.
Official standings (Week 2 points):
Kellogg Krushers 250.49 (155.52)
The Dominator 246.30 (141.61)
The Bouncers 239.50 (114.24)
The Dragons 228.32 (107.70)
The Outlaws 217.90 (95.82)
The Maestro 201.82 (117.28)
The second installment of the "I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy Award" was a no-brainer and a body blow all at the same time. The Outlaws started Tony Romo (24.02) at QB, benching Week 1 starter Carson Palmer (68.02). That's the thing about Romo, he might look great one week against a crappy defense and make you think he's going to put up big numbers against another crappy defense the next week...but then, it's back to mediocrity...while the guy you are sitting throws for over 400 yards and 6 TDs. Don't say you weren't warned, either. For sitting Palmer on the day he had maybe the best day a QB will have all season (and, believe me, there are people around here who know what it feels like), the guys in the cowboy hats and bandanas are the unanimous choice to receive the ISWIWHPTGA.
At least it's only Week 2, or so we all should be thinking now that the defending champs are throwing up over 150 points and are back in the lead. Ageless gunslinger Brett Favre (46.12) led the way this week for the Kellogg Krushers, and was followed closely by Steve Smith (36.65). Smith has a well deserved reputation for repeatedly torching anyone who has the nerve to trash talk him before or during a game (which, in today's NFL means everyone who has dreadlocks, cornrows, a shaved head, tattoo, has shot someone, or has been shot). In the days leading up to the season opener, there was an article written by someone I don't recall that suggested Smith might be near the end of the line because of his small stature, nagging injuries from a year ago, and the fact that he was doomed to play with mediocre QBs. That article seems to have motivated the little man for the whole season and, who knows, maybe for the next 10 years. The guy could be tearing up opposing defenses while hunched over like Fred Sanford and being stretched out over the middle by Francois Manning, the unknown French cousin of Peyton and Eli that Archie mentored into mediocrity. Speaking of Peyton, he drew Dallas Clark (16.45) out of his helmet in his pregame ritual of deciding whom to throw the ball. Javon Walker (16.00) somehow managed to have a good game while trying to flag down the scuds thrown by Jay Cutler, the poor man's Eli Manning. And, the Viking's defense (21.00) once again came up big, scoring a TD and getting 5 turnovers from Jesus' favorite QB, John Kitna. That more than made up for the bad games from Steven Jackson (7.80) and Reggie Bush (9.50).
Just when you might have forgotten about him, The Dominator is back near the top. The Desert Storm strategy worked out fairly well as Edgerrin James (18.50) and Neil Rackers (14.00) did well for their positions, offsetting the mediocrity of Anquan Boldin (8.15). Marc Bulger (29.86) was good, but not great, for the second week in a row, leading to the possibility that The Dominator might go with a full Cardinals Shock-n-Awe strategy by starting noted dead beat dad, cheap skate son, and thus far mediocre QB, Matt Leinart in Week 3. Ocho Cinco (36.45) for once lived up to the hype against Cleveland and Antonio Gates (16.85) was about all San Diego had in Foxboro Sunday night. Clinton Portis (10.80) fought like a dog (you know, because where he comes from, dog fights are as common as youth soccer games) against the Eagle defense, while the 'Skins defense (7.00) didn't give up many points, but also didn't get any turnovers. Overall, this was a nice week for the big guy, although probably not enough to get him to break out the JV guys in Week 3.
The new guys are still in the thick of things, just like everyone else, although they slid back a little in the second week. Peyton Manning (34.14) was solid, if not spectacular, and was backed up for The Bouncers by T.J. Houshmanzadeh (23.45) in a game where the Bengals and Browns each chose a random fan from the stands to play WR. Each of those fans were able to crack 20 fantasy points, even though the Bengals fan was sucker punched by Ocho Cinco for having the nerve to actually catch the passes Palmer was throwing to him (because guys are supposed to drop the ball on plays that OC thinks should be going to him). The Ravens defense (12.00) was solid, as usual, making up for the fact that Shaun Alexander (11.75) and Marvin Harrison (10.35) backtracked a little from Week 1. Ahman Green (9.55) and Jeremy Shockey (8.00) were just there, although Shockey had the handicap of relying on an injured Eli Manning who didn't put up his usual big stats after the Giants fell way behind in the second half. The next couple of weeks will be big for The Bouncers as we all get to see if they have the fortitude to stay around the top of the league.
The Dragons made enough of a move on Monday night to keep themselves out of the cellar. That salvaged a week in which, to that point, they had been carried by the Chicago defense (20.00). If not for the decent numbers put up by Dunnavunn McNabb (24.55) and Brian Westbrook (16.10), otherwise know as the only decent offensive players in Philadelphia, this week could have been disastrous. Watching LaDainian Tomlinson (6.90) have his worst week, probably ever, could not have felt good, particularly when Reggie Wayne (8.50) was the last name Peyton pulled from his helmet and Vernon Davis (3.15) was exposed as a freakishly athletic big man on a team where the coach and offensive coordinator are content to run the ball up the middle on 94% of their plays, while throwing the ball downfield only at the end of the half, or when they are have at least 40 yards to go to get into field goal range at the end of a game. Props to Marques Colston (17.50) for a nice game, and to Jason Elam (11.00) for striking the final blow in another game Raider fans will incessantly be talking about for the next 30 years, trying to explain why the league has a vendetta against their team that can't win more than 4 games a season.
Tony! Tony! Tony! That's what it sounded like on the Cowboys sideline as the Dallas coaches tried to stop Romo (24.02) from scoping the Miami stands for hot looking semi-celebrities while he was supposed to be on the field overthrowing his receivers. Fortunately for The Outlaws Willie Parker (17.65) was very good in a win over Buffalo and Chris Chambers (17.20) put up nice numbers while his team was getting routed by Dallas, but that was about it. Torry Holt (12.70) was cursed by an offense that gained over 400 yards, but only managed to score one TD. Larry Johnson (7.35) was, and will continue to be, cursed by playing for a team that has a horrible offense, due predominantly to the fact that their two best offensive linemen from the last decade are now gone. Oh, and Damon Huard and Brody Croyle are their QBs...and only 3.9% of people outside of Missouri can name one of the Chiefs wide receivers. Things could get really active for our chap wearing, beef jerky eating team, as they dropped from second best to second worst in the span of 7 days. Bob's managerial style dictates that changes will be made, lots of them. George Steinbrenner has nothing on this guy, as his waiver activity last year was enough to make Big Stein's head spin.
Last overall, but third for the week, is The Maestro. Tom Brady (43.68) wasn't fazed one bit by playing for this noted QB killer, proving once again that America's most stylish athlete ever has mystical powers that completely overwhelm even the most negative karma. Randy Moss (28.25) is once again motivated to actually try...just another example of the intangibles Tom Brady brings to the table. Let's face it, if we want to solve all of the problems in the Middle East, we need to send Brady over there. If he can make Moss play hard, he can do anything. Outside of the Patriots, it was a pretty blah week for the Cobbs. Joseph Addai (12.35) was decent in Music City and the Steeler defense (11.00) held Buffalo without a TD, but Plaxico Burress (9.60) was held back by Eli's bum wing. **Disclaimer**The only reason Plax was acquired and played was because all reports were saying Eli would be out and the Hefty Lefty would be under center for the Giants. One thing the Round Mound of Touchdown can do is throw the ball a long way, meaning it was expected that Plax would be running deep and trying to outjump DBs who are 8 inches shorter than he is.**End of Disclaimer**In Jacksonville, Jack Del Rio and his offensive brain trust seems to have forgotten that the Jags' best offensive player last year was Fantasy Hall of Famer Maurice Jones-Drew (3.05) who is getting the ball about 5 times a game right now. And, let's face it, playing Jason Witten (3.35) because of his huge Week 1 was a mistake. Looking at the schedule closer and noticing that the Cowboys were going to Miami should have been enough to sit him this week because the women in South Florida are just too tan and too blond for Romo to stay focused enough to find his favorite target from the first week.
Notes:
Different year, same story.
At least, that's the way the very top of the standings look after Week 2. In a week where there seemed to be tons of offensive explosions offset by a few boring, low scoring games, the Kellogg Krushers and The Dominator found themselves back at the top of the league. After those two, the middle of the pack for the week was pretty even, with only The Outlaws trailing behind the peloton.
Official standings (Week 2 points):
Kellogg Krushers 250.49 (155.52)
The Dominator 246.30 (141.61)
The Bouncers 239.50 (114.24)
The Dragons 228.32 (107.70)
The Outlaws 217.90 (95.82)
The Maestro 201.82 (117.28)
The second installment of the "I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy Award" was a no-brainer and a body blow all at the same time. The Outlaws started Tony Romo (24.02) at QB, benching Week 1 starter Carson Palmer (68.02). That's the thing about Romo, he might look great one week against a crappy defense and make you think he's going to put up big numbers against another crappy defense the next week...but then, it's back to mediocrity...while the guy you are sitting throws for over 400 yards and 6 TDs. Don't say you weren't warned, either. For sitting Palmer on the day he had maybe the best day a QB will have all season (and, believe me, there are people around here who know what it feels like), the guys in the cowboy hats and bandanas are the unanimous choice to receive the ISWIWHPTGA.
At least it's only Week 2, or so we all should be thinking now that the defending champs are throwing up over 150 points and are back in the lead. Ageless gunslinger Brett Favre (46.12) led the way this week for the Kellogg Krushers, and was followed closely by Steve Smith (36.65). Smith has a well deserved reputation for repeatedly torching anyone who has the nerve to trash talk him before or during a game (which, in today's NFL means everyone who has dreadlocks, cornrows, a shaved head, tattoo, has shot someone, or has been shot). In the days leading up to the season opener, there was an article written by someone I don't recall that suggested Smith might be near the end of the line because of his small stature, nagging injuries from a year ago, and the fact that he was doomed to play with mediocre QBs. That article seems to have motivated the little man for the whole season and, who knows, maybe for the next 10 years. The guy could be tearing up opposing defenses while hunched over like Fred Sanford and being stretched out over the middle by Francois Manning, the unknown French cousin of Peyton and Eli that Archie mentored into mediocrity. Speaking of Peyton, he drew Dallas Clark (16.45) out of his helmet in his pregame ritual of deciding whom to throw the ball. Javon Walker (16.00) somehow managed to have a good game while trying to flag down the scuds thrown by Jay Cutler, the poor man's Eli Manning. And, the Viking's defense (21.00) once again came up big, scoring a TD and getting 5 turnovers from Jesus' favorite QB, John Kitna. That more than made up for the bad games from Steven Jackson (7.80) and Reggie Bush (9.50).
Just when you might have forgotten about him, The Dominator is back near the top. The Desert Storm strategy worked out fairly well as Edgerrin James (18.50) and Neil Rackers (14.00) did well for their positions, offsetting the mediocrity of Anquan Boldin (8.15). Marc Bulger (29.86) was good, but not great, for the second week in a row, leading to the possibility that The Dominator might go with a full Cardinals Shock-n-Awe strategy by starting noted dead beat dad, cheap skate son, and thus far mediocre QB, Matt Leinart in Week 3. Ocho Cinco (36.45) for once lived up to the hype against Cleveland and Antonio Gates (16.85) was about all San Diego had in Foxboro Sunday night. Clinton Portis (10.80) fought like a dog (you know, because where he comes from, dog fights are as common as youth soccer games) against the Eagle defense, while the 'Skins defense (7.00) didn't give up many points, but also didn't get any turnovers. Overall, this was a nice week for the big guy, although probably not enough to get him to break out the JV guys in Week 3.
The new guys are still in the thick of things, just like everyone else, although they slid back a little in the second week. Peyton Manning (34.14) was solid, if not spectacular, and was backed up for The Bouncers by T.J. Houshmanzadeh (23.45) in a game where the Bengals and Browns each chose a random fan from the stands to play WR. Each of those fans were able to crack 20 fantasy points, even though the Bengals fan was sucker punched by Ocho Cinco for having the nerve to actually catch the passes Palmer was throwing to him (because guys are supposed to drop the ball on plays that OC thinks should be going to him). The Ravens defense (12.00) was solid, as usual, making up for the fact that Shaun Alexander (11.75) and Marvin Harrison (10.35) backtracked a little from Week 1. Ahman Green (9.55) and Jeremy Shockey (8.00) were just there, although Shockey had the handicap of relying on an injured Eli Manning who didn't put up his usual big stats after the Giants fell way behind in the second half. The next couple of weeks will be big for The Bouncers as we all get to see if they have the fortitude to stay around the top of the league.
The Dragons made enough of a move on Monday night to keep themselves out of the cellar. That salvaged a week in which, to that point, they had been carried by the Chicago defense (20.00). If not for the decent numbers put up by Dunnavunn McNabb (24.55) and Brian Westbrook (16.10), otherwise know as the only decent offensive players in Philadelphia, this week could have been disastrous. Watching LaDainian Tomlinson (6.90) have his worst week, probably ever, could not have felt good, particularly when Reggie Wayne (8.50) was the last name Peyton pulled from his helmet and Vernon Davis (3.15) was exposed as a freakishly athletic big man on a team where the coach and offensive coordinator are content to run the ball up the middle on 94% of their plays, while throwing the ball downfield only at the end of the half, or when they are have at least 40 yards to go to get into field goal range at the end of a game. Props to Marques Colston (17.50) for a nice game, and to Jason Elam (11.00) for striking the final blow in another game Raider fans will incessantly be talking about for the next 30 years, trying to explain why the league has a vendetta against their team that can't win more than 4 games a season.
Tony! Tony! Tony! That's what it sounded like on the Cowboys sideline as the Dallas coaches tried to stop Romo (24.02) from scoping the Miami stands for hot looking semi-celebrities while he was supposed to be on the field overthrowing his receivers. Fortunately for The Outlaws Willie Parker (17.65) was very good in a win over Buffalo and Chris Chambers (17.20) put up nice numbers while his team was getting routed by Dallas, but that was about it. Torry Holt (12.70) was cursed by an offense that gained over 400 yards, but only managed to score one TD. Larry Johnson (7.35) was, and will continue to be, cursed by playing for a team that has a horrible offense, due predominantly to the fact that their two best offensive linemen from the last decade are now gone. Oh, and Damon Huard and Brody Croyle are their QBs...and only 3.9% of people outside of Missouri can name one of the Chiefs wide receivers. Things could get really active for our chap wearing, beef jerky eating team, as they dropped from second best to second worst in the span of 7 days. Bob's managerial style dictates that changes will be made, lots of them. George Steinbrenner has nothing on this guy, as his waiver activity last year was enough to make Big Stein's head spin.
Last overall, but third for the week, is The Maestro. Tom Brady (43.68) wasn't fazed one bit by playing for this noted QB killer, proving once again that America's most stylish athlete ever has mystical powers that completely overwhelm even the most negative karma. Randy Moss (28.25) is once again motivated to actually try...just another example of the intangibles Tom Brady brings to the table. Let's face it, if we want to solve all of the problems in the Middle East, we need to send Brady over there. If he can make Moss play hard, he can do anything. Outside of the Patriots, it was a pretty blah week for the Cobbs. Joseph Addai (12.35) was decent in Music City and the Steeler defense (11.00) held Buffalo without a TD, but Plaxico Burress (9.60) was held back by Eli's bum wing. **Disclaimer**The only reason Plax was acquired and played was because all reports were saying Eli would be out and the Hefty Lefty would be under center for the Giants. One thing the Round Mound of Touchdown can do is throw the ball a long way, meaning it was expected that Plax would be running deep and trying to outjump DBs who are 8 inches shorter than he is.**End of Disclaimer**In Jacksonville, Jack Del Rio and his offensive brain trust seems to have forgotten that the Jags' best offensive player last year was Fantasy Hall of Famer Maurice Jones-Drew (3.05) who is getting the ball about 5 times a game right now. And, let's face it, playing Jason Witten (3.35) because of his huge Week 1 was a mistake. Looking at the schedule closer and noticing that the Cowboys were going to Miami should have been enough to sit him this week because the women in South Florida are just too tan and too blond for Romo to stay focused enough to find his favorite target from the first week.
Notes:
- ESPN delivered us another riveting Monday Night game last night. It would be hard to top the boredom the Niners and Cards brought us in Week 1, but the 'Skins and Eagles nearly did it. Maybe the Titans and Saints will bless us with a Week 3 Monday nighter in which nobody scores a TD.
- Speaking of being allergic to TDs, the 2007 San Francisco 49ers! Mike Nolan looks to be going for an unbreakable record. At this rate, the Niners could be the first team ever with a winning record that gets outgained by over 3,000 yards for the season. Alex Smith is locked up tighter than Hannibal Lechter when it comes to throwing the ball. Heck, the Jags let David Garrard throw the ball with more freedom! Even the Damon Huard/Brody Croyle dynamic duo has been given more of a chance to make plays than Alex Smith! I think if Mike Nolan had his way, players would still be wearing leather helmets and the forward pass would be illegal.
- It was fun to listen to Jaws and Kornheiser argue about how good/crappy Washington QBs have been during the Daniel Snyder era. It must be an ESPN rule that, should two people have a discussion about someting, they have to have completely divergent opinions on the subject. Kornheiser was looking rather foolish in trying to make us think guys like Patrick Ramsey, Jeff George, Tito Hasselbeck, and Tony Banks weren't as bad as we all know they are. Heck, if they would have used the typical ESPN protocol and yelled at each other the whole time, it would have been no different than having Steven A. Smith and Skip Bayless arguing over which cola is better: RC or Shasta.
- If Mike Ditka last week was like having your dad in the booth, Dick Stockton this week was like having your 114 year old great-great-great uncle in there. Dick called the Rams QB Steve, John, and Mike Bulger, along with occasionally using his actual name, Marc. He also had a Rams defender taking a handoff on offense, two plays after making an nice play to force a Niner punt. And, in the category of "What are the Odds?", he called Niner coach Mike Nolan by his dad's name, Dick, at least 5 times.
- In echoing the sentiments of John Madden, I can't believe referee Ed Hoculi didn't get to officiate any games in the playoffs last season. How can the most buffed ref in history not get to work in the postseason? Maybe the league didn't want to risk assigning him to a game televised by CBS, thereby avoiding the possibility that Jim Nantz and Phil Simms would spend over 3 hours talking about Ed's physique. Or, maybe they wanted to give Ed the opportunity to try out for a spot on the Chiefs offensive line.
Transaction requests are due by Thursday morning. The order of claims are: The Maestro, The Outlaws, The Dragons, The Bouncers, The Dominator, Kellogg Krushers.
Have a great week, guys, and don't do anything I wouldn't do.
The Commish
posted by Patrick Zalasky at 8:30 AM
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