Tuesday Review v5.7
It's not Tuesday anymore, but we have something for you regarding Week 7 of the NFL season, just in time to help you clean up all of that trash that has been blowing into your front yard the past couple of days.
The top spot in our fake league has been taken over by The Big Ragu who built on his huge Week 6 with another solid week. The Patriots getting to play two of the 7 lamest teams in the NFL the past two weeks (meaning 2 of the worst teams ever) helped pull TBR from the middle of the pack to the top. The Cyclones are holding strong in 2nd place and may take the top spot back when the Patriots take Week 8 off (meaning, they'll exert much more effort than was required to beat the Titans and Buccaneers the past 2 weeks). Team STY took over 3rd place, while the bottom of the standings stayed the same. It looks like the very bottom of the standings are going to stay the same for quite some time, as The Dragons have managed to fall nearly 100 points below the 7th place team.
Current Standings (Week 7):
The Big Ragu 882.84 (146.56)
Cyclones 870.49 (126.25)
Team STY 784.38 (111.26)
The Maestro 778.78 (102.82)
The Outlaws 164.57 (109.82)
Gnomies 690.22 (112.66)
The Dominator 663.98 (86.58)
The Dragons 564.96 (58.92)
Our leaders aren't immune from criticism, so they are going to be singled out for a roster blunder in Week 7. They played Randy Moss (8.45) instead of Percy Harvin (22.80) earning themselves "The I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy Award". 'But, you say, Moss has been hot for the past couple of weeks, how can you sit him down?' The Patriots were playing in England, that's why. Due to his reputation, he probably had to spend a whole day trying to clear customs, especially when the drug sniffing dogs got hold of his natural scent and went bananas. Not only that, but there are many female police officers in London and we all know how Randy likes to use female cops as hood ornaments. He probably thought he was having a bad dream where the one he ran over in Minneapolis cloned herself a thousand times over and came back to exact her revenge. A guy leading a league as sophisticated as ours should have factored in all of that stuff and sat Randy in favor of Harvin.
Tom Brady (41.91) is once again carrying a team at the top of the PPFFL standings as The Big Ragu reclaimed the top spot he lost after Week 1. Brady has feasted on two of the worst defenses ever the past two weeks. That brings up something very interesting. We can't say for certain that Tennessee and Tampa Bay are even the worst teams in the league with St. Louis, Cleveland, Kansas City, Washington and the Raiders out there. Is it outlandish to think that this could be the worst year in NFL history with regard to teams who have no chance to win? Let's face it, none of those teams will be a favorite to win this season unless they are matched up against each other. I don't know the schedule offhand for the remainder of the season, but I can see a matchup similar to Indy @ St. Louis generating a line north of 30 points.
Angry at being knocked off of the perch they have become accustomed to are the Cyclones. They shouldn't get too discouraged, though, because they are still posting solid weekly scores. Peyton Manning (40.15) led the way this week against the Fightin' Finns from St. Louis High. DeAngelo Williams (17.95) did what he could when Jake Dekhomme wasn't throwing the ball to the other team. And, in what was a huge trend for the week, the Philadelphia defense (21.00) was huge in a win over Washington. In fairness to the Skins, this was the first time they faced a team this season who had already won a game. There is no way they could have anticipated and prepared for the type of mediocrity that the Eagles brought to the table.
Team STY got back into 3rd place this week behind a solid, if unspectacular game from Drew Brees (30.11) and a nice half from Reggie Wayne (17.15). They also had the Jets defense (21.00) who were playing against JaMarcus and the Mental Midgets. The Jets put things away so handily that Mark Sanchez was able to wolf down a tube steak on the sideline during the 4th quarter. That brings to mind Manny Ramirez showering after being taken out of Game 4 vs. the Phillies in the 9th inning and not watching the end of the game. If football players did that, Peyton Manning would have been showered about 10 minutes into that game against the Rams; Tom Brady could have spent the last 3 quarters against the Bucs seeing the sights of London; and all offensive players but the ones on the scout team can skip the game for whoever is playing the Raiders from week to week.
The Maestro holds steady in the top half of the standings for another week. Tony Romo (45.77) bounced off of the canvas to post a solid week. Surprise! Here's another guy who had a big game against Tampa! Wes Welker (27.30) is his name and he more than picked up the slack for Randy Moss who was busy trying to get away from every drug sniffing dog in London. Roddy White (14.50) scored another TD, but spent most of the day chasing scuds thrown by Matt Ryan.
Not giving in to trends from years past, The Outlaws are hanging in there. DeSean Jackson (22.35) was the star of the week against...let's see here...oh, that's right, the Redskins. Kurt Warner (20.47) was statistically subpar, but won the battle of crappy quarterbacking as the Cardinals beat Eli and the Giants. New Orleans (19.00) turned in another of the big defensive days of the week. They did it, though, against a Miami team that is actually pretty decent, even though their QB, Chad Henne, looked like he had placed a bet on the Saints to win and gave up 10 points in the process.
Trying to be relevant are the Gnomies. Matt Ryan (21.26) was outperformed by Romo, but that was made up for by solid games from Vincent Jackson (21.10), Adrian Peterson (16.45), and the Pittsburgh defense (21.00). Pittsburgh benefitted from Brett Favre turning the ball over at the worst possible times for the Vikings. This looks an awful lot like last season for the Jets, except that it's happening sooner. Maybe teams that sign America should treat him like the Phillies treated Pedro Martinez. Go ahead and sign him, but only play him in games where the starting temperature will be above 75 degrees. It's worked for the Phils, who will likely be rueing the decision to start Pedro in Game 2 of the World Series when it will likely be about 45 degrees, windy, and rainy.
The Dominator seems to have put last place far into his rearview mirror, even with a rather weak showing in Week 7. Matt Schaub (32.73) looked poised to put up Brady-like numbers before he succumbed to the Niners defense. Besides him, Ryan Grant (17.55) was the only other player to perform for this fake team. This is an example of how this fake league is mirroring the NFL somewhat this season. We have the powers at the top, a few teams struggling in the middle, this team and the Cyclones just trying to be competitive, and one team taking on the persona of the NFL teams mentioned many times already for being historically bad.
Which brings us to The Dragons. To paraphrase the guy in the movie "Airplane!", this was the wrong time to pick a bunch of Eagles for my fantasy team. Dunnavunn McNabb (18.87) is becoming a bit of a joke around the NFL, which is sad for me because it means that Peaches Napear can go around telling everyone that he called this 5 years ago. Brian Westbrook went out agains the Redskins after two series, not that he was needed. And, that was it for this fake team, unless you include the Arizona defense (12.00) who had the pleasure of playing against Eli, who, by the way, was called one of the 5 best QBs in football by Peaches. I don't think so, Rojo. Just because you have a radio show and get to sit with refridgerator with arms Mike Lamb every day, that doesn't mean you can brag that the QB of your favorite team is one of the 5 best in the NFL. Just like The Dragons won't be able to brag until next season that they're one of the 7 best teams in the PPFFL.
Notes:
It's not Tuesday anymore, but we have something for you regarding Week 7 of the NFL season, just in time to help you clean up all of that trash that has been blowing into your front yard the past couple of days.
The top spot in our fake league has been taken over by The Big Ragu who built on his huge Week 6 with another solid week. The Patriots getting to play two of the 7 lamest teams in the NFL the past two weeks (meaning 2 of the worst teams ever) helped pull TBR from the middle of the pack to the top. The Cyclones are holding strong in 2nd place and may take the top spot back when the Patriots take Week 8 off (meaning, they'll exert much more effort than was required to beat the Titans and Buccaneers the past 2 weeks). Team STY took over 3rd place, while the bottom of the standings stayed the same. It looks like the very bottom of the standings are going to stay the same for quite some time, as The Dragons have managed to fall nearly 100 points below the 7th place team.
Current Standings (Week 7):
The Big Ragu 882.84 (146.56)
Cyclones 870.49 (126.25)
Team STY 784.38 (111.26)
The Maestro 778.78 (102.82)
The Outlaws 164.57 (109.82)
Gnomies 690.22 (112.66)
The Dominator 663.98 (86.58)
The Dragons 564.96 (58.92)
Our leaders aren't immune from criticism, so they are going to be singled out for a roster blunder in Week 7. They played Randy Moss (8.45) instead of Percy Harvin (22.80) earning themselves "The I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy Award". 'But, you say, Moss has been hot for the past couple of weeks, how can you sit him down?' The Patriots were playing in England, that's why. Due to his reputation, he probably had to spend a whole day trying to clear customs, especially when the drug sniffing dogs got hold of his natural scent and went bananas. Not only that, but there are many female police officers in London and we all know how Randy likes to use female cops as hood ornaments. He probably thought he was having a bad dream where the one he ran over in Minneapolis cloned herself a thousand times over and came back to exact her revenge. A guy leading a league as sophisticated as ours should have factored in all of that stuff and sat Randy in favor of Harvin.
Tom Brady (41.91) is once again carrying a team at the top of the PPFFL standings as The Big Ragu reclaimed the top spot he lost after Week 1. Brady has feasted on two of the worst defenses ever the past two weeks. That brings up something very interesting. We can't say for certain that Tennessee and Tampa Bay are even the worst teams in the league with St. Louis, Cleveland, Kansas City, Washington and the Raiders out there. Is it outlandish to think that this could be the worst year in NFL history with regard to teams who have no chance to win? Let's face it, none of those teams will be a favorite to win this season unless they are matched up against each other. I don't know the schedule offhand for the remainder of the season, but I can see a matchup similar to Indy @ St. Louis generating a line north of 30 points.
Angry at being knocked off of the perch they have become accustomed to are the Cyclones. They shouldn't get too discouraged, though, because they are still posting solid weekly scores. Peyton Manning (40.15) led the way this week against the Fightin' Finns from St. Louis High. DeAngelo Williams (17.95) did what he could when Jake Dekhomme wasn't throwing the ball to the other team. And, in what was a huge trend for the week, the Philadelphia defense (21.00) was huge in a win over Washington. In fairness to the Skins, this was the first time they faced a team this season who had already won a game. There is no way they could have anticipated and prepared for the type of mediocrity that the Eagles brought to the table.
Team STY got back into 3rd place this week behind a solid, if unspectacular game from Drew Brees (30.11) and a nice half from Reggie Wayne (17.15). They also had the Jets defense (21.00) who were playing against JaMarcus and the Mental Midgets. The Jets put things away so handily that Mark Sanchez was able to wolf down a tube steak on the sideline during the 4th quarter. That brings to mind Manny Ramirez showering after being taken out of Game 4 vs. the Phillies in the 9th inning and not watching the end of the game. If football players did that, Peyton Manning would have been showered about 10 minutes into that game against the Rams; Tom Brady could have spent the last 3 quarters against the Bucs seeing the sights of London; and all offensive players but the ones on the scout team can skip the game for whoever is playing the Raiders from week to week.
The Maestro holds steady in the top half of the standings for another week. Tony Romo (45.77) bounced off of the canvas to post a solid week. Surprise! Here's another guy who had a big game against Tampa! Wes Welker (27.30) is his name and he more than picked up the slack for Randy Moss who was busy trying to get away from every drug sniffing dog in London. Roddy White (14.50) scored another TD, but spent most of the day chasing scuds thrown by Matt Ryan.
Not giving in to trends from years past, The Outlaws are hanging in there. DeSean Jackson (22.35) was the star of the week against...let's see here...oh, that's right, the Redskins. Kurt Warner (20.47) was statistically subpar, but won the battle of crappy quarterbacking as the Cardinals beat Eli and the Giants. New Orleans (19.00) turned in another of the big defensive days of the week. They did it, though, against a Miami team that is actually pretty decent, even though their QB, Chad Henne, looked like he had placed a bet on the Saints to win and gave up 10 points in the process.
Trying to be relevant are the Gnomies. Matt Ryan (21.26) was outperformed by Romo, but that was made up for by solid games from Vincent Jackson (21.10), Adrian Peterson (16.45), and the Pittsburgh defense (21.00). Pittsburgh benefitted from Brett Favre turning the ball over at the worst possible times for the Vikings. This looks an awful lot like last season for the Jets, except that it's happening sooner. Maybe teams that sign America should treat him like the Phillies treated Pedro Martinez. Go ahead and sign him, but only play him in games where the starting temperature will be above 75 degrees. It's worked for the Phils, who will likely be rueing the decision to start Pedro in Game 2 of the World Series when it will likely be about 45 degrees, windy, and rainy.
The Dominator seems to have put last place far into his rearview mirror, even with a rather weak showing in Week 7. Matt Schaub (32.73) looked poised to put up Brady-like numbers before he succumbed to the Niners defense. Besides him, Ryan Grant (17.55) was the only other player to perform for this fake team. This is an example of how this fake league is mirroring the NFL somewhat this season. We have the powers at the top, a few teams struggling in the middle, this team and the Cyclones just trying to be competitive, and one team taking on the persona of the NFL teams mentioned many times already for being historically bad.
Which brings us to The Dragons. To paraphrase the guy in the movie "Airplane!", this was the wrong time to pick a bunch of Eagles for my fantasy team. Dunnavunn McNabb (18.87) is becoming a bit of a joke around the NFL, which is sad for me because it means that Peaches Napear can go around telling everyone that he called this 5 years ago. Brian Westbrook went out agains the Redskins after two series, not that he was needed. And, that was it for this fake team, unless you include the Arizona defense (12.00) who had the pleasure of playing against Eli, who, by the way, was called one of the 5 best QBs in football by Peaches. I don't think so, Rojo. Just because you have a radio show and get to sit with refridgerator with arms Mike Lamb every day, that doesn't mean you can brag that the QB of your favorite team is one of the 5 best in the NFL. Just like The Dragons won't be able to brag until next season that they're one of the 7 best teams in the PPFFL.
Notes:
- Get your waiver claims in as soon as you can. Something tells me that Miles Austin will be getting requested a lot this week.
- If the Rams, Bucs, and Tennesse don't somehow play each other (or the Raiders) there is a legitimate chance to have multiple winless teams this season. Seriously, can anyone predict right now that those teams will beat anyone and not be laughing on the inside?
- So, even though the guy can suspend hoodlum players with the best of them and climb Mt. Rainier, Commissioner Goodell may be best remembered for ushering in the era of the worst teams to ever put on the pads and play in giant stadiums.
- Until further notice, the Pillow Fight of the Week will be whatever game the Bills are playing in.
- T.O., I miss you. I didn't know Buffalo was in a foreign country where there are no news outlets until this year.
- Let's talk World Series. It should be a great matchup for everyone but Mark Shapiro, the GM of the Indians. Man, who would have thought when he was having fire sales that C.C. and Cliff Lee would be the aces of the teams meeting up to determine who the World Champs will be. Aside from that, no team that will be starting geriatric Pedro, followed by "success went to my head" Cole Hamels, and likely Joe Blanton will beat the Yankees. Sure, the teams look even on paper, but that will all change when the Yanks are blasting balls all over the Mid Atlantic region. So, with my prediction that is guaranteed to be wrong or your money back, I will pick the Yankees in 5.
That's all for now. I have to rest now because when the clock strikes 5:00 pm today, the forces of ineptitude in media will align themselves in a way that only happens every 120 years. That's right, folks, Peaches Napear and Tim McCarver will simultaneously be calling games I have an interest in watching. This phenomenon of arrogance and suckitude hasn't been experienced since 1889, when Garry Gerould was calling a covered wagon race in the Oregon Territory while Dick Stockton was busy calling an apple bobbing contest in Salem, MA. Of course, on that day, Garry kept telling everyone the wrong winner (I kid you not, after the Kings lost to Phoenix by 17 in the preseason last week, the G-Man signed off of his broadcast by saying "I'll throw it back to you Jason (Ross) after this solid road win by the Kings.") and Dick mistakenly pronounced that everyone in the contest was a witch, leading to a massive bonfire and lots of people being burned at the stake.
So, unlike our clueless media friends, do great things....
The Commish
posted by Patrick Zalasky at 9:23 AM
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