TUESDAY MORNING REVIEW #5
The lead has changed hands this week as the two teams previously at the top were hit hard by injuries and/or the BYE week. The Dominator was particularly screwed over by Tony Dungy who announced late in the week that Adam Vinatieri would be kicking, then deactivated Vinatieri late Saturday night and resigned Martin Gramatica. Considering, though, that the Colts kicker only contributed 2 points, this wasn't the worst screwgie in the history of fantasy football.
Current standings are as follows (week 5):
Plan Z 485.75 (100.65)
Cyhawks 475.24 (76.06)
The Dragons 474.32 (84.78)
The Dominator 462.96 (67.12)
The Spongebobs 444.64 (101.87)
Once again a team denied themselves the top spot in the standings by keeping someone on the bench. For once, it wasn't Plan Z. Instead, it was The Dragons who could only think "What if..." as they watched Reggie Bush (25.05) streak down the sideline on his game winning punt return. Had The Dragons played him instead of Clinton Portis (3.80), they would be the ones everyone envied this week. Instead, they get the consolation of winning the "I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy Award" for the first time.
Plan Z shot from 4th place to the top of the standings with a very balanced effort, led by running backs Larry Johnson (20.10) and Maurice Jones-Drew (15.95), who ain't half bad for a UCLA grad. Brett Favre (21.90) didn't do anything to blow up the team, and Joe Nedney (10.00)* produced in double figures for the first time this season. (An asterisk was included because those points were racked up against the Raiders. From now on, all performances against the Raiders will be noted the same way.) Receivers Marvin Harrison (10.45) and Torry Holt (11.00) failed to do much yardage-wise, but still found a way to get into the end zone, which is paramount in this competition.
The Cyhawks hung in there, even though the bye week forced them to play a backup rookie QB making his first start. Wonderlic Young (11.91) responded with a lackluster effort that set the tone for the rest of the Cyhawks. Chester Taylor (15.70), Antonio Gates (11.75), and the Saints defense (10.00) were the only ones that performed at a level that would be considered average or above. Much more was obviously expected from Terrell Owens (5.25) in his return to Philly, and LaDanian Tomlinson (11.50) was held to numbers below what we've come to expect from him. Still, with QB play so important in this league, Hasselbeck type numbers from "The Big 6" would have probably kept this team on top. Unfortunately, not only was Young shaky against Indy, he wouldn't be able to spell "Hasselbeck" if you let him stare at the back of Hasselbeck's jersey. After watching the Rose Bowl in January, it seemed possible that he doesn't even speak English, which would be a huge disadvantage when he ducks into the Titans huddle. It's no wonder Jeff Fisher looks like he doesn't care anymore...his GM put the Titans in a salary cap death grip and then drafted a QB that speaks worse English that the average migrant farm worker and is dumber that the doornails that he'd be pounding if he weren't 6'5" with blazing speed and a strong arm.
Dunnavun McNabb (36.63) was once again the class of the league for The Dragons. Throw in the Bears defense (17.00) and the formula was the same this week as it's been since Week 2. If either of these two have an off week, The Dragons could fall faster than Heather Locklear for a scuzzy, long haired, guitar player. Thomas Jones (13.10) and Pfc. Kellen Winslow Jr. (10.75) did well, but hardly picked up the slack for Antwaan Randle El (2.50), late scratch Matt Jones (0.00), and the aforementioned Clinton Portis. Bittersweet is the only way to describe how it must have felt to see the highlight of Reggie Bush streaking down the sideline while opponents grasped at air. Much like having Ron Mexico on your team, with Reggie you will likely have to deal with a few lackluster weeks just to revel in the excitement of the occasional eruption. Knowing when those eruptions will occur is the key, and something that drove a certain team to cut Senor Mexico.
The worst point total for the week went to The Dominator. How the once mighty have now fallen. This team was especially hurt by the injury bug. In addition to Vinatieri, Larry Fitzgerald (8.75) pulled a hamstring early in the Cards/Chiefs game, and Darrell Jackson was a late scratch that forced Hines Ward (6.45) into the lineup on a day that would have made even John Madden (America's #1 Hines Ward Fan) cover his eyes. Steven Jackson (8.90) also managed put up below average numbers against a Packers defense that has been brutal all season. Jeremy Shockey (1.65) was obviously put into horrible situations to succeed by the Giants coaches in their tilt with the Redskins, because lackluster performances obviously shouldn't be blamed on the inconsistency of #80 or his teammates. Had it not been for Peyton Manning (28.22) and Willie Parker (13.15), this could have surpassed The Spongebobs in Week 4 as the worst week of the season. Fortunately, The Dominator drafted a guy #1 who is 6'5" with a rocket arm; gives props to the wait staff on a job well done; pumps up the guy in the deli while he's slicing honey ham; knows when to audible to pancakes after his retard for a brother fumbles the eggs; and proved for all of eternity that, as The 'Ol Ballcoach used to remind us, you can't spell Citrus Bowl without UT.
Racking up the most impressive point total of the week was Team Schizo, otherwise known as The Spongebobs. The waiver wire was on fire as Gary's owner looked for a way to overcome the Week 4 debacle. The result was a very balanced week, led by Eli Manning (29.42), Eli's favorite target Plaxico Burress (16.45), Frank Gore (14.60)*, Brian Westbrook (13.30), and the San Diego defense (13.00). The last of these point totals show what could be becoming a trend in the PPFFL - that whichever defense gets to face Ben Roethlisberger is going to at least reach double figures. That theory will ultimately be tested when Big Ben stares across the line at the Raiders* defense in Week 8. Until then, for the sake of Steelers fans, let's hope that Ben works on overcoming his fear of being hit and his propensity to chuck the ball up for grabs while he is ducking imaginary defenders. That might be more productive for himself and his team than giving interviews to bug-eyed sideline reporters about whether or not he will wear a helmet the next time he rides a motorcycle. Back to The Spongebobs, the big question this week is whether they rest on their laurels and keep intact the team that performed so well, or if they keep true to form and submit at least 4 transaction requests. Smart money is on the latter.
That's about it for this week, but before we go, a couple of notes:
The lead has changed hands this week as the two teams previously at the top were hit hard by injuries and/or the BYE week. The Dominator was particularly screwed over by Tony Dungy who announced late in the week that Adam Vinatieri would be kicking, then deactivated Vinatieri late Saturday night and resigned Martin Gramatica. Considering, though, that the Colts kicker only contributed 2 points, this wasn't the worst screwgie in the history of fantasy football.
Current standings are as follows (week 5):
Plan Z 485.75 (100.65)
Cyhawks 475.24 (76.06)
The Dragons 474.32 (84.78)
The Dominator 462.96 (67.12)
The Spongebobs 444.64 (101.87)
Once again a team denied themselves the top spot in the standings by keeping someone on the bench. For once, it wasn't Plan Z. Instead, it was The Dragons who could only think "What if..." as they watched Reggie Bush (25.05) streak down the sideline on his game winning punt return. Had The Dragons played him instead of Clinton Portis (3.80), they would be the ones everyone envied this week. Instead, they get the consolation of winning the "I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy Award" for the first time.
Plan Z shot from 4th place to the top of the standings with a very balanced effort, led by running backs Larry Johnson (20.10) and Maurice Jones-Drew (15.95), who ain't half bad for a UCLA grad. Brett Favre (21.90) didn't do anything to blow up the team, and Joe Nedney (10.00)* produced in double figures for the first time this season. (An asterisk was included because those points were racked up against the Raiders. From now on, all performances against the Raiders will be noted the same way.) Receivers Marvin Harrison (10.45) and Torry Holt (11.00) failed to do much yardage-wise, but still found a way to get into the end zone, which is paramount in this competition.
The Cyhawks hung in there, even though the bye week forced them to play a backup rookie QB making his first start. Wonderlic Young (11.91) responded with a lackluster effort that set the tone for the rest of the Cyhawks. Chester Taylor (15.70), Antonio Gates (11.75), and the Saints defense (10.00) were the only ones that performed at a level that would be considered average or above. Much more was obviously expected from Terrell Owens (5.25) in his return to Philly, and LaDanian Tomlinson (11.50) was held to numbers below what we've come to expect from him. Still, with QB play so important in this league, Hasselbeck type numbers from "The Big 6" would have probably kept this team on top. Unfortunately, not only was Young shaky against Indy, he wouldn't be able to spell "Hasselbeck" if you let him stare at the back of Hasselbeck's jersey. After watching the Rose Bowl in January, it seemed possible that he doesn't even speak English, which would be a huge disadvantage when he ducks into the Titans huddle. It's no wonder Jeff Fisher looks like he doesn't care anymore...his GM put the Titans in a salary cap death grip and then drafted a QB that speaks worse English that the average migrant farm worker and is dumber that the doornails that he'd be pounding if he weren't 6'5" with blazing speed and a strong arm.
Dunnavun McNabb (36.63) was once again the class of the league for The Dragons. Throw in the Bears defense (17.00) and the formula was the same this week as it's been since Week 2. If either of these two have an off week, The Dragons could fall faster than Heather Locklear for a scuzzy, long haired, guitar player. Thomas Jones (13.10) and Pfc. Kellen Winslow Jr. (10.75) did well, but hardly picked up the slack for Antwaan Randle El (2.50), late scratch Matt Jones (0.00), and the aforementioned Clinton Portis. Bittersweet is the only way to describe how it must have felt to see the highlight of Reggie Bush streaking down the sideline while opponents grasped at air. Much like having Ron Mexico on your team, with Reggie you will likely have to deal with a few lackluster weeks just to revel in the excitement of the occasional eruption. Knowing when those eruptions will occur is the key, and something that drove a certain team to cut Senor Mexico.
The worst point total for the week went to The Dominator. How the once mighty have now fallen. This team was especially hurt by the injury bug. In addition to Vinatieri, Larry Fitzgerald (8.75) pulled a hamstring early in the Cards/Chiefs game, and Darrell Jackson was a late scratch that forced Hines Ward (6.45) into the lineup on a day that would have made even John Madden (America's #1 Hines Ward Fan) cover his eyes. Steven Jackson (8.90) also managed put up below average numbers against a Packers defense that has been brutal all season. Jeremy Shockey (1.65) was obviously put into horrible situations to succeed by the Giants coaches in their tilt with the Redskins, because lackluster performances obviously shouldn't be blamed on the inconsistency of #80 or his teammates. Had it not been for Peyton Manning (28.22) and Willie Parker (13.15), this could have surpassed The Spongebobs in Week 4 as the worst week of the season. Fortunately, The Dominator drafted a guy #1 who is 6'5" with a rocket arm; gives props to the wait staff on a job well done; pumps up the guy in the deli while he's slicing honey ham; knows when to audible to pancakes after his retard for a brother fumbles the eggs; and proved for all of eternity that, as The 'Ol Ballcoach used to remind us, you can't spell Citrus Bowl without UT.
Racking up the most impressive point total of the week was Team Schizo, otherwise known as The Spongebobs. The waiver wire was on fire as Gary's owner looked for a way to overcome the Week 4 debacle. The result was a very balanced week, led by Eli Manning (29.42), Eli's favorite target Plaxico Burress (16.45), Frank Gore (14.60)*, Brian Westbrook (13.30), and the San Diego defense (13.00). The last of these point totals show what could be becoming a trend in the PPFFL - that whichever defense gets to face Ben Roethlisberger is going to at least reach double figures. That theory will ultimately be tested when Big Ben stares across the line at the Raiders* defense in Week 8. Until then, for the sake of Steelers fans, let's hope that Ben works on overcoming his fear of being hit and his propensity to chuck the ball up for grabs while he is ducking imaginary defenders. That might be more productive for himself and his team than giving interviews to bug-eyed sideline reporters about whether or not he will wear a helmet the next time he rides a motorcycle. Back to The Spongebobs, the big question this week is whether they rest on their laurels and keep intact the team that performed so well, or if they keep true to form and submit at least 4 transaction requests. Smart money is on the latter.
That's about it for this week, but before we go, a couple of notes:
- "The Big 6" in the summary for the Cyhawks obviously refers to Vince Young's intial score on the Wonderlic Test at this year's NFL Combine. For those of you who didn't know or forgot, a score of 6 equates to being mentally retarded or unable to speak and understand English.
- The Dominator looks pretty good for his draft day maneuver in which he took Kurt Warner, then got everyone's consent to be granted Matt Leinert when the inevitable happened and Warner was benched. There have been few rookie QBs who are soon to be paying child support and once let Nick Lachey sleep on their couch that have performed better than Leinert did in the first start of their careers.
- The bug-eyed sideline reporter referenced was Andrea Kremer, as if anyone had to be told. Her eyes stick out farther than the black guy on the 3 Stooges who would always get on camera when something Curly did made water start pouring out of a cuckoo clock.
- Finally, a quote from Ron Artest who commented yesterday on the scuffle between half man/half owl Kenny Thomas and Shareef Abdur-Rahim (this quote isn't exact, because Ron Ron speaks as though he's in the middle of the IFOCE matza ball eating competition): "Sometimes you gotta fight. If you don't fight, you're not trying hard. It's something you should do once a month. Thirteen or fourteen fights a year is what every team needs." Thanks, Ron. Now please help us come up with names for those two extra months you speak of.
The Commish
posted by Patrick Zalasky at 10:07 AM
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