Tuesday Review v2.8

There was no change in the standings this week, but, for the first time since Week 2, someone outscored The Maestro. In fact, a pair of teams scored more than our league leader as the Kellogg Krushers and The Bouncers were doing the Lambeau Leap in their living rooms as Brett Favre and Greg Jennings were leading the Packers to victory in Denver last night.

Current Standings (Week 8):
The Maestro 1,093.82 (110.07)
Kellogg Krushers 973.44 (115.82)
The Dragons 854.49 (107.06)
The Bouncers 828.29 (111.15)
The Outlaws 767.37 (88.00)
The Dominator 738.85 (102.21)

The Maestro reclaimed the "I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy" Award. Left on the bench in Week 8 was Joseph Addai (28.45), while the former wunderkinds Adrian Peterson (4.05) and Maurice Jones-Drew (5.10) were acting like they played for the 'Niners. Runner-up for the award was The Dragons, who mysteriously left Brian Westbrook (20.60) on the bench in favor of Frank Gore (3.05), who plays in an offense so basic and bland that vanilla is accusing Mike Nolan and Jim Hostler of giving it a bad name.

Bill Belichick's season long quest to unmercifully run up the score on every opponent the Patriots face is the only thing that kept The Maestro from suffering a free-fall this week. Tom Brady (62.32) got to pad his stats against another overmatched team well into the 2nd half of a game that was decided before some people on the West Coast rolled out of bed on Sunday morning. Tennessee's defense (13.00) was the next best scorer for the week (big surprise, until you consider they were playing the Raiders), which, as we've discussed before, is not a good thing. Let's amend that rule to say, "Having your defense be one of your top scorers isn't good unless you score over 150 points for the week, your defense scored over 20 points, or your superstar quarterback plays deep into blowouts as a way to pad his stats and make a statement to the rest of the league that stood by innocently when it was revealed that the team he plays for blatantly cheated."

My country 'tis of thee, isn't it great to see Brett Favre (39.22) having so much fun on Monday Night Football? It sure was for the Kellogg Krushers, as they rode America to the top scoring week in the PPFFL. Joining the party were the New England defense (21.00) and Wes Welker (19.45), who both took part in the game whose video will be distributed to every coach in a BCS conference as a tutorial on how to score points with the computers while giving your school a viable Heisman Trophy candidate. Reggie Bush (12.65) got the requisite numbers against one of our two brutal teams here in Northern California. And, Steven Jackson (10.50), once a fantasy superstar, is rumored to be close to shutting things down for the season with a bad back. That proves one of two things: Either Jackson is a front runner and is tired of being associated with a team that is nearly halfway to losing every game this season; or, it might be important to show up to and participate in training camp instead of holding out and whining about not being paid enough money.

Solidly in the massive gap called the middle of the league are The Dragons. Dunnavunn McNabb (32.81) led the way as he usually does, and was joined in excellence by Marques Colston (28.25) and Reggie Wayne (24.40). Goodness! You would have thought that The Dragons' wide receivers were suiting up for the Patriots. Turns out one was catching passes thrown by one of the best QBs of all time, and the other was playing against the 'Niners. It hasn't been confirmed on film yet, but it looks like Mike Nolan has gone back to last year's defensive strategy on playing with fewer than 11 players. Drew Brees was quoted Sunday evening as saying, "Granted I went to Purdue and majored in General Studies, but I swear I only counted 7 or 8 guys on their defense a few times." The sad thing is that Nolan has apparently also begun using this strategy with his offense, too.

The Bouncers turned in a solid week, once again proving that you don't need to know Algebra to be the successful owner of a fake football team. Leading the charge was the San Diego defense (27.00) in what was a pretty big week for defense...well, except for one team (more on that below). Also looking good were Greg Jennings (22.05) and T.J. Houshmanzadeh (17.05), while Peyton Manning (23.10) was good, but had a coach with the dignity to sit him down in a blowout, costing him the chance to pad his stats. Being a good guy and not humiliating your opponent may be a ticket to Heaven, but it's not good for the people who picked your players for their fake teams. If karma is real and there is a meteroite zooming toward the roof of the RCA Dome on Sunday afternoon, it will likely crash through the roof and land on the New England sideline, bringing joy to many. Those that loathe the Patriots will be delighted to see many casualties among the players they have grown to hate, and the people of Indianapolis will be ecstatic at the legitimate reason for building a new stadium.

As the only team to fall short of 100 points in Week 8, The Outlaws will undoubtedly spring a flurry of roster activity upon us for Week 9. There is a running joke in the PPFFL offices that any player who breaks a decent run, catches a couple of passes, or scores a touchdown will be playing for The Outlaws the following week. It's kind of like day trading in football players. Anyhow, had it not been for the Pittsburgh/Cincinnati game on Sunday, this may have resembled The Dominator's Week 7. Carson Palmer (29.20) and Willie Parker (17.70) were joined in double figures by only Chris Cooley (10.55). Cooley, by the way, was the lucky recipient of the mercy TD that New England allowed Washington to score. In what threw some fantasy league computers into a tizzy, the stats from the Miami/New York Giants game in London were adjusted for the exchange rate when transferred across the pond. The PPFFL server was able to convert the stats to US numbers, however, so the Giants defense still only scored 9.00 points this week.

Cracking the century mark for the first time in awhile was The Dominator. At the beginning of the season, we would have all had a hearty laugh if someone said they were going to build their team around the Browns duo of Derek Anderson (37.41) and Braylon Edwards (28.85). Well, we're not laughing now. And, if The Dominator ever gets out of last place, we might really be impressed with his personnel management. The big blunder this week was sticking with the defense of the Redskins (-1.00). I guess you could rationalize that New England has to slip up sometime, that they can't continue to score 50 on everyone. That being said, the Washington defense isn't quite on the same level of the '86 Bears, who would still probably give up four touchdowns to the Patriots.

Notes:

• Order of transactions is the same as last week.
• The World Series has ended and has given us more to hate about people from New England, but also blessed us with the wisdom of Tim McCarver. To wit: In game 3, shortly after Matt Holliday homered to bring the Rockies within 6-5, Brad Hawpe was batting with Todd Helton on first base. First of all, there was no logical reason for Hawpe to be up there, as he was far and away the crappiest player in the series, and was facing the lefty, Hideki Okajima. He worked the count to 3-2, however, and with only one out, McCarver and Joe Buck debated whether or not Clint Hurdle should have Helton run. McCarver was adamant that, with a hitter of Hawpe's ability, it would be foolish not to start the glacial Helton. Hawpe fouled off the first 3-2 offering while Helton stood at first, much to the dismay of McCarver, who railed that the Rockies were making themselves susceptible to the double play by keeping Helton stationary, neglecting entirely that Hawpe had already struck out 7 times in 9 Series plate appearances and Helton wouldn't exactly be getting a huge jump against the lefty. The next pitch predictably missed Hawpe's feeble swing by about a yard, but Helton stayed put, thereby extending the inning just a bit. McCarver, being the big man that he is, commented that he still would have sent Helton and that he likely would have been safe because the strikeout pitch was a change up. Apparently, McCarver was having a Dick Stockton moment and mistook Helton for Rickey Henderson.
• It is beyond description how bad Emmitt Smith is as an ESPN Monday Night Football analyst. What happened to the famed "Triplets", all of whom decided to go into broadcasting? Michael Irvin is an absolute mess. Emmitt talks so fast he can't remember what in the heck he is saying. And, although Troy Aikman is a great color guy, he shouts everything he says. Somewhere Charles Haley is laid back in his recliner, drinking a Colt '45, wondering why no network has given him a chance.
• If you were a young NFL quarterback and once was being considered as the top pick in the draft, would you have rather gone #1 and been doomed to spend the next half decade having your facemask smashed into the turf on every other play? Or, would you rather hold a clipboard and hug Brett Favre every time he throws a bomb for a touchdown? Yeah, I don't think Aaron Rodgers is sweating the way he slid from potential #1 to the 20s now.

Have a great week, and do great things, gentlemen.

The Commish