Tuesday Review v2.7
This week provided us with much of the same things the last few weeks have given us. The Maestro extended the lead to over 225 points, the Kellogg Krushers got further away from both 1st place and 3rd place, The Dragons held off The Bouncers for another week, and The Outlaws and The Dominator once again swapped places in the standings. As not much changed, I decided to take a look back to last season at the same point, to see if we have made any improvements in our quest to put together the best fake football teams that no money can buy. The answer is a resounding YES (well, for all but one of us).
Last year's standings after Week 7:
The Dominator 762.44
Cyhawks 725.02
The Dragons 698.05
Plan Z 684.48
The Spongebobs 629.97
Now, compare those to where we officially stand as of right now.
Current Standings (Week 7):
The Maestro 983.75 (151.73)
Kellogg Krushers 857.62 (123.87)
The Dragons 747.43 (106.47)
The Bouncers 717.14 (92.63)
The Outlaws 679.37 (108.29)
The Dominator 636.64 (42.60)
Every team, with the exception of The Dominator, is at least 50 points better than last season at this point, led by The Maestro (Plan Z) and Kellogg Krushers (Cyhawks), who have improved by 303 and 152 points, respectively. Seeing 80% of the league improve significantly, while our new franchise has scored enough to be challenging for 2nd place at this time a year ago, proves that we learned our lessons last year and are turning into real fake football team GMs...well, all but one of us have.
This week's "I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy" Award was hard to choose, because there weren't a lot of big performances that were wasted on somebody's bench. The award is presented to The Outlaws who sat Lavernaeus Coles (29.65) while playing the nearly invisible Roy Williams (4.15). Coles would have given the boost necessary to push The Outlaws over 700 points for the season and the benchmark of averaging 100 points per week. The Dominator would have been the hands-down, unanimous winner this week had half his team not been observing their BYE week, and those that weren't not doing any better than a cadaver (more on this below).
The Maestro, say it with me, was led once again by Tom Brady (65.08), who is on a quest to break nearly every Arena Football League record in the books. The guy has so much confidence, that he's simply chucking balls high and deep to Randy Moss (25.10), Three Flies Up style, knowing that a motivated Randy is one who can outjump every DB in the league and will hold onto anything that touches his hands. Joining the party, once again, was Maurice Jones-Drew (22.10) whose versatility leads to points even on the nights that the Jags are pantsed on national television. Other than those guys, there wasn't much else, as Adrian Peterson (12.00) was very mediocre and the rest of the squad was kind of lame. When three guys throw up over 110 points on their own, those performances can be excused.
Sliding further into the cavernous gap between 1st and 3rd were the Kellogg Krushers. Jumping on the Patriot bandwagon with the acquisition of Wes Welker (32.60) was a fantastic move, and balanced out Eli Manning's (24.42) struggle to figure out the exhausted 'Niner defense. Reggie Bush (16.00) continued to show signs of life, while Dallas Clark (13.30), Calvin Johnson (11.45), New England's defense (13.00), and Ronnie Brown (10.45) also cracked double figures, giving the Krushers another near octuple double. Even with another solid showing, adjustments will have to be made to compensate for the loss of Brown for the rest of the season. The guy finally achieves a level of consistency and gets rewarded with a forced vacation until 2008. Which might not be a bad thing when you look at Miami's 0-7 record and listen to the talk that they have a legit chance to go 0-16. Throw in the fact that the Rams are also 0-7 and might be worse than the 'Phins, and there is a real chance to get excited in a few weeks at the prospect of having a team go winless for the first time since the expansion Buccaneers went 0-14.
Strengthening the hold on 3rd place were The Dragons. Dunnavunn McNabb (25.92) slogged his way through another tough game, this time against the Bears, who had been torched the last couple of weeks. The team that gave Dunnavunn problems last week, the Jets, were steamrolled by Cincinnati's offense this week, leading us (or me) to question whether or not #5 is slipping a little bit. Maybe, after all of these years, Grant Napear is finally right and Dunnavunn truly is just an average QB. I guess if you say something for long enough, you will eventually be correct. How about the resurgent Terrell Owens (21.15)? He was Tony Romo's favorite target in a game Sunday where the Cowboys' offense gained roughly 1,140 yards, but only scored two offensive TDs, one by T.O. The other TD was scored by Marion Barber III (15.25), much to the delight of The Dragons' front office. Reggie Wayne (18.55) was the happy recipient of a lot of Peyton Manning's attention last night in the rout over Jacksonville. Not lost in the Denver victory over Pittsburgh on Sunday night is the fact that the only way the Broncos can win games this season is when Jason Elam (8.00) kicks a FG on the last play of the game. So far they are 3-0 in games that end that way and 0-3 in the others.
Denied for another week in their quest to move into the top half of the league were The Bouncers. Peyton Manning (31.18) had a decent week by his standards, but has a ways to go to reach the 2007 heights of the Evil Brady. Marshawn Lynch (13.90) had a pretty good day and Jeremy Shockey (12.95) found the painted turf, but T.J. Houshmanzadeh (12.55) slipped below the standards he has set this season, probably at the behest of Cincinnati's brain trust who sensed Chad Johnson just might murder someone if he was made to look like a high school backup again. The failure of The Bouncers to take over 3rd place can be squarely laid at the feet of the perplexing Shaun Alexander (4.25), who has really stunk since about Week 5 of last season. It also doesn't help that Marvin Harrison (3.80) was rested early last night when it became apparent that Quinn Gray is no David Garrard. Meaning that, instead of maxing out at one passing TD last night, the Jags had no chance to throw for any scores and the Colts could stack 11 guys in the box to stop the Jacksonville running game. Thus, Harrison wasn't needed on offense once the Colts cracked double figures.
Making a slight move with the 3rd best point total for the week were The Outlaws. Tony Romo (36.74) threw for a ton of yards, but only 1 score, dampering what could have been a tremendous scoring week. The defense of the New York Giants (24.00) went beyond what most people expected them to do against the Bambi-like offense of the 'Niners. Back from the dead, or at least from looking like he was dead, came Larry Johnson (21.15) in a game against Oakland that was uglier than a Glen Campbell mug shot. Those performances overcame the weak efforts put forth by Roy Williams (4.15), Travis Henry (2.55), and Chris Cooley (1.15). In all fairness to Henry, he was taunted prior to the game against Pittsburgh about having not yet conceived any children in the state of Colorado. When you have 9 kids by 9 different women and are obviously the best at what you do, taunts like that can really hit home. Especially when you've been in Colorado since July and haven't taken care of business yet. Rumor has it, he was only in the state of Georgia for 39 minutes before making sure he would have offspring there.
Sinking to a new low in Week 7 was The Dominator, who had the worst week in league history. His top scorer for the week was the Washington defense (16.00). Getting points from the defense, as has been written before, is great, but is an atrocity if it's the best score of the week. Chad Johnson (11.85) was the only other player to reach double figures, as Jason Campbell (9.25) was confounded by Arizona's defense. Returning the favor, Edgerrin James (4.15) couldn't do much against the 'Skins, and Neil Rackers (-2.0) managed to miss both an extra point and relatively short field goal, leading to the very rare negative scoring game for a kicker. Suffice it to say, the Arizona/Washington game probably sums up the whole week of suckitude for The Dominator. If that game wasn't bad enough, both Deion Branch and Ben Watson were held out in gametime decisions, costing this team at least 5 or 6 points (based on what the rest of the squad did). The intestinal fortitude of this team will be tested in the coming weeks. Let's hope the ship can be righted and this team doesn't go careening into any more trees at 90 mph.
Notes:
This week provided us with much of the same things the last few weeks have given us. The Maestro extended the lead to over 225 points, the Kellogg Krushers got further away from both 1st place and 3rd place, The Dragons held off The Bouncers for another week, and The Outlaws and The Dominator once again swapped places in the standings. As not much changed, I decided to take a look back to last season at the same point, to see if we have made any improvements in our quest to put together the best fake football teams that no money can buy. The answer is a resounding YES (well, for all but one of us).
Last year's standings after Week 7:
The Dominator 762.44
Cyhawks 725.02
The Dragons 698.05
Plan Z 684.48
The Spongebobs 629.97
Now, compare those to where we officially stand as of right now.
Current Standings (Week 7):
The Maestro 983.75 (151.73)
Kellogg Krushers 857.62 (123.87)
The Dragons 747.43 (106.47)
The Bouncers 717.14 (92.63)
The Outlaws 679.37 (108.29)
The Dominator 636.64 (42.60)
Every team, with the exception of The Dominator, is at least 50 points better than last season at this point, led by The Maestro (Plan Z) and Kellogg Krushers (Cyhawks), who have improved by 303 and 152 points, respectively. Seeing 80% of the league improve significantly, while our new franchise has scored enough to be challenging for 2nd place at this time a year ago, proves that we learned our lessons last year and are turning into real fake football team GMs...well, all but one of us have.
This week's "I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy" Award was hard to choose, because there weren't a lot of big performances that were wasted on somebody's bench. The award is presented to The Outlaws who sat Lavernaeus Coles (29.65) while playing the nearly invisible Roy Williams (4.15). Coles would have given the boost necessary to push The Outlaws over 700 points for the season and the benchmark of averaging 100 points per week. The Dominator would have been the hands-down, unanimous winner this week had half his team not been observing their BYE week, and those that weren't not doing any better than a cadaver (more on this below).
The Maestro, say it with me, was led once again by Tom Brady (65.08), who is on a quest to break nearly every Arena Football League record in the books. The guy has so much confidence, that he's simply chucking balls high and deep to Randy Moss (25.10), Three Flies Up style, knowing that a motivated Randy is one who can outjump every DB in the league and will hold onto anything that touches his hands. Joining the party, once again, was Maurice Jones-Drew (22.10) whose versatility leads to points even on the nights that the Jags are pantsed on national television. Other than those guys, there wasn't much else, as Adrian Peterson (12.00) was very mediocre and the rest of the squad was kind of lame. When three guys throw up over 110 points on their own, those performances can be excused.
Sliding further into the cavernous gap between 1st and 3rd were the Kellogg Krushers. Jumping on the Patriot bandwagon with the acquisition of Wes Welker (32.60) was a fantastic move, and balanced out Eli Manning's (24.42) struggle to figure out the exhausted 'Niner defense. Reggie Bush (16.00) continued to show signs of life, while Dallas Clark (13.30), Calvin Johnson (11.45), New England's defense (13.00), and Ronnie Brown (10.45) also cracked double figures, giving the Krushers another near octuple double. Even with another solid showing, adjustments will have to be made to compensate for the loss of Brown for the rest of the season. The guy finally achieves a level of consistency and gets rewarded with a forced vacation until 2008. Which might not be a bad thing when you look at Miami's 0-7 record and listen to the talk that they have a legit chance to go 0-16. Throw in the fact that the Rams are also 0-7 and might be worse than the 'Phins, and there is a real chance to get excited in a few weeks at the prospect of having a team go winless for the first time since the expansion Buccaneers went 0-14.
Strengthening the hold on 3rd place were The Dragons. Dunnavunn McNabb (25.92) slogged his way through another tough game, this time against the Bears, who had been torched the last couple of weeks. The team that gave Dunnavunn problems last week, the Jets, were steamrolled by Cincinnati's offense this week, leading us (or me) to question whether or not #5 is slipping a little bit. Maybe, after all of these years, Grant Napear is finally right and Dunnavunn truly is just an average QB. I guess if you say something for long enough, you will eventually be correct. How about the resurgent Terrell Owens (21.15)? He was Tony Romo's favorite target in a game Sunday where the Cowboys' offense gained roughly 1,140 yards, but only scored two offensive TDs, one by T.O. The other TD was scored by Marion Barber III (15.25), much to the delight of The Dragons' front office. Reggie Wayne (18.55) was the happy recipient of a lot of Peyton Manning's attention last night in the rout over Jacksonville. Not lost in the Denver victory over Pittsburgh on Sunday night is the fact that the only way the Broncos can win games this season is when Jason Elam (8.00) kicks a FG on the last play of the game. So far they are 3-0 in games that end that way and 0-3 in the others.
Denied for another week in their quest to move into the top half of the league were The Bouncers. Peyton Manning (31.18) had a decent week by his standards, but has a ways to go to reach the 2007 heights of the Evil Brady. Marshawn Lynch (13.90) had a pretty good day and Jeremy Shockey (12.95) found the painted turf, but T.J. Houshmanzadeh (12.55) slipped below the standards he has set this season, probably at the behest of Cincinnati's brain trust who sensed Chad Johnson just might murder someone if he was made to look like a high school backup again. The failure of The Bouncers to take over 3rd place can be squarely laid at the feet of the perplexing Shaun Alexander (4.25), who has really stunk since about Week 5 of last season. It also doesn't help that Marvin Harrison (3.80) was rested early last night when it became apparent that Quinn Gray is no David Garrard. Meaning that, instead of maxing out at one passing TD last night, the Jags had no chance to throw for any scores and the Colts could stack 11 guys in the box to stop the Jacksonville running game. Thus, Harrison wasn't needed on offense once the Colts cracked double figures.
Making a slight move with the 3rd best point total for the week were The Outlaws. Tony Romo (36.74) threw for a ton of yards, but only 1 score, dampering what could have been a tremendous scoring week. The defense of the New York Giants (24.00) went beyond what most people expected them to do against the Bambi-like offense of the 'Niners. Back from the dead, or at least from looking like he was dead, came Larry Johnson (21.15) in a game against Oakland that was uglier than a Glen Campbell mug shot. Those performances overcame the weak efforts put forth by Roy Williams (4.15), Travis Henry (2.55), and Chris Cooley (1.15). In all fairness to Henry, he was taunted prior to the game against Pittsburgh about having not yet conceived any children in the state of Colorado. When you have 9 kids by 9 different women and are obviously the best at what you do, taunts like that can really hit home. Especially when you've been in Colorado since July and haven't taken care of business yet. Rumor has it, he was only in the state of Georgia for 39 minutes before making sure he would have offspring there.
Sinking to a new low in Week 7 was The Dominator, who had the worst week in league history. His top scorer for the week was the Washington defense (16.00). Getting points from the defense, as has been written before, is great, but is an atrocity if it's the best score of the week. Chad Johnson (11.85) was the only other player to reach double figures, as Jason Campbell (9.25) was confounded by Arizona's defense. Returning the favor, Edgerrin James (4.15) couldn't do much against the 'Skins, and Neil Rackers (-2.0) managed to miss both an extra point and relatively short field goal, leading to the very rare negative scoring game for a kicker. Suffice it to say, the Arizona/Washington game probably sums up the whole week of suckitude for The Dominator. If that game wasn't bad enough, both Deion Branch and Ben Watson were held out in gametime decisions, costing this team at least 5 or 6 points (based on what the rest of the squad did). The intestinal fortitude of this team will be tested in the coming weeks. Let's hope the ship can be righted and this team doesn't go careening into any more trees at 90 mph.
Notes:
- Except for the odd week occurence of The Dominator and The Outlaws swapping positions, the order for waiver transactions remains the same.
- The NFC West continues to make offense look like the quest to find 10 people in Southern California who were born and raised in the United States. The 'Niners, Rams, and Cardinals were brutal with the ball once again, while the Seahawks looked good only because they were playing the Rams. Bill Walsh is going to come back from the grave and kick the crap out of somebody if these West Coast teams don't stop running his West Coast offense so ineptly. In all fairness, though, his offensive concepts may not have spread like they did had Trent Dilfer or Tim Rattay been under center, rather than Joe Montana.
- NEWS FLASH: Mike Ditka, esteemed ESPN expert analyst, thinks the Cowboys have much more work to do if they expect to make it to the Super Bowl and beat either the Colts or the Patriots. Really? I'm sure most people thought the Cowboys were right where they needed to be after being hammered at home by New England in Week 6. Thanks for clearing that up, Iron Mike.
- NEWS FLASH: Sean Salisbury, another of ESPN's talking monkeys (albeit one that will kick your butt if you don't listen to what he says), wants you to know that the problems in Miami can't all be laid at the feet of Cleo Lemon. They're 0-7 because of a total breakdown of the franchise. That may be true, Sean, but having Cleo Lemon as your starting QB can't give anyone the impression that your team will be winning any time soon.
- NEWS FLASH: Mark Schlereth, the only ESPN talking monkey that is also playing a detective on a daytime soap opera, thinks that to win in the National Football League you need football players who know how to play football and who are dedicated to doing whatever it takes to win football games in the National Football League and who give 110% every time the football is snapped and know what a priviledge it is to wear the uniform of a National Football League team. Okay, he didn't really say that, or at least I didn't hear him say it. There is about a 100% chance, though, that he has already enthusiastically said those words, or will be saying them in the near future.
- The reaction among the general population of San Francisco today to the news that Alex Smith may try to return this Sunday: "Who is Alex Smith and where did he go in the first place? He wasn't one of the dudes sitting in the tree in Berkeley, was he?"
- The reaction among Bay Area sports fans: "I didn't know the tight end from Stanford was with the 'Niners this year. How did he get hurt?"
- The reaction among 49ers fans: "Are you sure there isn't a way the 'Niners can trade a 2nd or 3rd round pick for Cleo Lemon in time for him to be ready to play on Sunday?"
That's it for this week, fellas. Have a great week, and do your best to monitor the injury news, because I sure as heck haven't been doing a very good job.
The Commish
posted by Patrick Zalasky at 9:39 AM
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