Tuesday Review v2.9
The past week brought us the most watched regular season game in the history of the NFL, along with the record for rushing yards in a game. The fact that the Patriots' win over the Colts was the most watched non-postseason game is impressive when you consider we are in a day where you can not only watch sports 24 hours a day, you can also watch the news, get entertainment information, learn how to remodel your bathroom, and get the finer points on making a souffle almost any time of the day. The only thing more impressive from this weekend was the performance of Adrian Peterson. The guy ran for 296 yards, a new NFL record, which is amazing in itself. The big shocker, though, was Brad Childress letting him carry the ball 30 times! True to form, however, when the Vikings scored the TD that salted the game away, Childress had Chet Taylor toting the ball into the end zone...after Peterson had done of all the work to get the ball inside the 5. I think Taylor probably already sees the writing on the wall and wouldn't have been offended had Peterson been allowed to score a 4th TD on the day he set the all time rushing record. Observing Childress this year, it wouldn't be much of a surprise if he gave Chet about 20 touches in Week 10, based solely on that one carry, while cutting Peterson's carries back to about 10, so he doesn't wear him out.
The Maestro made another move on the rest of the PPFFL this week, leaving a little less hope for everyone else. Reaching the mythical halfway point with a lead of this size will make it difficult for anyone to mount the type of comeback necessary to steal the top spot away by Week 17. The Bouncers finally caught The Dragons to take over 3rd place. This shouldn't be discounted, as the youngsters are proving that they belong and have so far been immune to the killer week that has afflicted seemingly everyone but them and the Kellogg Krushers (remember, The Maestro barely scored 80 points in Week 1).
Official Standings (Week 9):
The Maestro 1,246.32 (152.50)
Kellogg Krushers 1,088.14 (114.70)
The Bouncers 943.50 (115.21)
The Dragons 935.52 (81.03)
The Outlaws 890.05 (120.68)
The Dominator 821.53 (82.68)
The Dragons would still be in 3rd place today had they not benched the guy that makes the engine run, Terrell Owens (27.70). For that, they get the "I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy Award" for Week 9. In T.O.'s place was Reggie Wayne (8.10), who couldn't carry the load by himself against New England. T.O., who took time before the game with the Eagles to mention how things haven't been the same for their offense since he was there, went out and gave the fans of his old team even more reason to hate his guts. For the record, the Cowboys, T.O.'s current team, haven't gone as far in the playoffs as the Eagles since they've added T.O. And, that's with the Cowboys having a "Pro Bowl" QB, while the Eagles had to use Jeff Garcia for the last half of last season and the playoffs. Still, we all know it's about T.O., so expect him to go ballistic and slander everyone in the Cowboys organization the next time he only catches 2 or 3 passes in a game. Even the crazy cheerleading choreographer with the bronze and platinum hair won't be immune to T.O.'s tirade, which will likely come within the next week or two.
You have to dance with the one that brung 'ya, especially when your date has been the greatest fantasy player in history. That's why Tom Brady (35.30) was in The Maestro's lineup instead of the suddenly hot Drew Brees (56.25). When you consider the solid performances of Joseph Addai (28.30) and Maurice Jones-Drew (21.05), sitting the soon-to-be MVP would have been a better move for this fake team than playing the record setting Adrian Peterson (33.20). This analysis may be seen by some of you as a way to showcase just how much talent this team has, but it really isn't. You all should have figured that out by now. Randy Moss (25.25) would tell you the same thing, as well as the guys from the Titans' defense (15.00), who got to fatten up the last two weeks on the decrepid offenses of the Raiders and Panthers. And, you have to admire Jason Witten (12.85) and the way he stayed on his feet after taking the vicious helmet-to-helmet hit on Sunday night. Most guys with his soon to be Bradshaw-esque head of hair would have hit the turf immediately and put their helmet back on with lightning-like speed.
Vainly trying to move closer to first are the Kellogg Krushers. There are no moral victories in football, not even when you own and operate a fake team, so the fact that they would have been out in front at this point last season isn't bringing the joy that it should. Still, how can you not be excited about your team when you are trotting America, I mean, Brett Favre (37.15), out there every week? His presence on this one little fantasy team has obviously raised the level of play for Reggie Bush (24.75) and Wes Welker (17.20), who, Brady aside, would be nothing if not for his association with Favre on this team. Curiously, the performance of Steve Smith (3.75) has not been at the level we grew to admire last season. The baddest man in football is beginning to look ordinary. That might have something to do with David Carr, who is watching his old team have a solid season without him while helping drag down a team that at least one NFL expert picks to win the Super Bowl every season. Oh, how the fans in North Carolina, and Steve Smith, are anxiously anticipating the return of Vinny Testaverde.
Movin' on up to the top half of the league are The Bouncers. Heath Miller (8.85) may have had a rather pedestrian game last night, but it was enough to vault this team past The Dragons. Carrying the majority of the load this week was the former Golden Bear, Marshawn Lynch (25.16), who looked like a mini-LaDainian on Sunday, running for over 150 yards and a score, plus throwing his first career TD pass. Oh, those wacky Bills! Who said they were sleep inducing? That has certainly never been seen on this website. Or if it was, it was before a Bill was actually on the roster of a PPFFL team. Peyton Manning (23.05) put up some more mediocre fantasy numbers, but that can be begged off a little bit when you consider the competition he faced. Greg Jennings (19.25) and Mason Crosby (17.00) were obviously helped along by "Our Favrer who art in Green Bay" this week. And, T.J. Houshmanzadeh (12.25) managed to hit double figures while watching Chad Johnson get sent to the hospital. Does anyone think that most of the Bengals weren't at least a little happy that Johnson was wheeled off the field on a stretcher? You know, after they realized he wasn't dead or paralyzed. I'm sure a day or two without that blowhard at practice will be like a vacation for the Bengals. Look for them to really play well this Sunday.
Backsliding a bit, and falling into the bottom half of the league, are The Dragons. In addition to T.O. running around The Vet scoring points that didn't count, the Eagles' fans were booing Dunnavunn McNabb (22.83) and the offense on their first series. Those people had to have been suppressing that venom for at least a week or two. For Pete's sake, Raider fans at least wait until they see Shane Lechler punt before they turn on their pathetic offense. Props go out to Marques Colston (20.95) who has been putting up nice numbers during the Saints' winning streak. Drew Brees says the Saints are winning because everyone has relaxed and isn't trying to do too much. That's nice, Drew, but you might also want to mention those wins have come against Seattle, Atlanta, San Francisco, and the Quinn Gray-led Jaguars. LaDainian Tomlinson (15.85) had decent numbers, but was forced to watch from the sidelines as Peterson went crazy in the Metrodome. Looking really bad this week, or not even showing up, were Jason Elam (1.00) in the debacle in Detroit, Todd Heap (DNP), and the Philadelphia defense (-2.00), who got plenty of boos on their own.
Saddling up and riding closer to the top half of the PPFFL are The Outlaws. This franchise loves the second half of the season, as they were immensely better after Week 9 in 2006 than they were before. The same thing seems to be taking place in 2007. Tony Romo (42.98), Lee Evans (26.25) and Tony Gonzalez (24.45) were the studs of the week, while getting some support from LenDale White (13.05). We can only ask "What might have been?" if Laverneaus Coles (DNP) hadn't been scratched at the last minute. Working the waiver wires has been successful over the past few weeks, as this team has shot from the basement to within sight of 3rd place. Let's face it, who else would have had the stones to play Lee Evans of the Bills, much less expect him to do anything more than catch 2 passes for about 10 yards? And, what about White? The guy was becoming a cross between Bill Walton (bad feet) and the Goodyear Blimp, but has produced for The Outlaws. Who is this team going to swoop in and get next? Stay tuned, because it will be someone. Or, more likely, a half-dozen someones.
At this point last season, The Dominator was the only one over 1,000 points. This year, he's the only one not within a couple of TD's of 900. That speaks to the strength of the league, but also to the struggles of the team that led the league for most of 2006. Looking back, things went south as soon as he announced his first round selection on Draft Day. Marc Bulger has since been replaced more than capably by Derek Anderson (30.83), but the negative karma that came along with the pilot of a team that may not win this year still lingers. Just look at what happened to Antonio Gates (1.50) in Minnesota. That would have never happened last season. Chad Johnson (5.45), as previously mentioned, spent Sunday night hooked up to a bunch of machines, although it was announced that a routine scan of his brain, predictably, found nothing. Clinton Portis (18.80) managed to have a nice week, proving what we all learned in Algebra: two negatives do indeed make a positive. With this Bulger karma lingering, it would behoove The Dominator to pick up the following players: Chris Henry (either one of them, as they're both thugs and/or steroid freaks), the Dallas defense (now that Tank Johnson is playing again), anyone that hooks up with Britney Spears (more on that below), and Ron Mexico, should he ever be allowed to play again.
Notes:
The past week brought us the most watched regular season game in the history of the NFL, along with the record for rushing yards in a game. The fact that the Patriots' win over the Colts was the most watched non-postseason game is impressive when you consider we are in a day where you can not only watch sports 24 hours a day, you can also watch the news, get entertainment information, learn how to remodel your bathroom, and get the finer points on making a souffle almost any time of the day. The only thing more impressive from this weekend was the performance of Adrian Peterson. The guy ran for 296 yards, a new NFL record, which is amazing in itself. The big shocker, though, was Brad Childress letting him carry the ball 30 times! True to form, however, when the Vikings scored the TD that salted the game away, Childress had Chet Taylor toting the ball into the end zone...after Peterson had done of all the work to get the ball inside the 5. I think Taylor probably already sees the writing on the wall and wouldn't have been offended had Peterson been allowed to score a 4th TD on the day he set the all time rushing record. Observing Childress this year, it wouldn't be much of a surprise if he gave Chet about 20 touches in Week 10, based solely on that one carry, while cutting Peterson's carries back to about 10, so he doesn't wear him out.
The Maestro made another move on the rest of the PPFFL this week, leaving a little less hope for everyone else. Reaching the mythical halfway point with a lead of this size will make it difficult for anyone to mount the type of comeback necessary to steal the top spot away by Week 17. The Bouncers finally caught The Dragons to take over 3rd place. This shouldn't be discounted, as the youngsters are proving that they belong and have so far been immune to the killer week that has afflicted seemingly everyone but them and the Kellogg Krushers (remember, The Maestro barely scored 80 points in Week 1).
Official Standings (Week 9):
The Maestro 1,246.32 (152.50)
Kellogg Krushers 1,088.14 (114.70)
The Bouncers 943.50 (115.21)
The Dragons 935.52 (81.03)
The Outlaws 890.05 (120.68)
The Dominator 821.53 (82.68)
The Dragons would still be in 3rd place today had they not benched the guy that makes the engine run, Terrell Owens (27.70). For that, they get the "I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy Award" for Week 9. In T.O.'s place was Reggie Wayne (8.10), who couldn't carry the load by himself against New England. T.O., who took time before the game with the Eagles to mention how things haven't been the same for their offense since he was there, went out and gave the fans of his old team even more reason to hate his guts. For the record, the Cowboys, T.O.'s current team, haven't gone as far in the playoffs as the Eagles since they've added T.O. And, that's with the Cowboys having a "Pro Bowl" QB, while the Eagles had to use Jeff Garcia for the last half of last season and the playoffs. Still, we all know it's about T.O., so expect him to go ballistic and slander everyone in the Cowboys organization the next time he only catches 2 or 3 passes in a game. Even the crazy cheerleading choreographer with the bronze and platinum hair won't be immune to T.O.'s tirade, which will likely come within the next week or two.
You have to dance with the one that brung 'ya, especially when your date has been the greatest fantasy player in history. That's why Tom Brady (35.30) was in The Maestro's lineup instead of the suddenly hot Drew Brees (56.25). When you consider the solid performances of Joseph Addai (28.30) and Maurice Jones-Drew (21.05), sitting the soon-to-be MVP would have been a better move for this fake team than playing the record setting Adrian Peterson (33.20). This analysis may be seen by some of you as a way to showcase just how much talent this team has, but it really isn't. You all should have figured that out by now. Randy Moss (25.25) would tell you the same thing, as well as the guys from the Titans' defense (15.00), who got to fatten up the last two weeks on the decrepid offenses of the Raiders and Panthers. And, you have to admire Jason Witten (12.85) and the way he stayed on his feet after taking the vicious helmet-to-helmet hit on Sunday night. Most guys with his soon to be Bradshaw-esque head of hair would have hit the turf immediately and put their helmet back on with lightning-like speed.
Vainly trying to move closer to first are the Kellogg Krushers. There are no moral victories in football, not even when you own and operate a fake team, so the fact that they would have been out in front at this point last season isn't bringing the joy that it should. Still, how can you not be excited about your team when you are trotting America, I mean, Brett Favre (37.15), out there every week? His presence on this one little fantasy team has obviously raised the level of play for Reggie Bush (24.75) and Wes Welker (17.20), who, Brady aside, would be nothing if not for his association with Favre on this team. Curiously, the performance of Steve Smith (3.75) has not been at the level we grew to admire last season. The baddest man in football is beginning to look ordinary. That might have something to do with David Carr, who is watching his old team have a solid season without him while helping drag down a team that at least one NFL expert picks to win the Super Bowl every season. Oh, how the fans in North Carolina, and Steve Smith, are anxiously anticipating the return of Vinny Testaverde.
Movin' on up to the top half of the league are The Bouncers. Heath Miller (8.85) may have had a rather pedestrian game last night, but it was enough to vault this team past The Dragons. Carrying the majority of the load this week was the former Golden Bear, Marshawn Lynch (25.16), who looked like a mini-LaDainian on Sunday, running for over 150 yards and a score, plus throwing his first career TD pass. Oh, those wacky Bills! Who said they were sleep inducing? That has certainly never been seen on this website. Or if it was, it was before a Bill was actually on the roster of a PPFFL team. Peyton Manning (23.05) put up some more mediocre fantasy numbers, but that can be begged off a little bit when you consider the competition he faced. Greg Jennings (19.25) and Mason Crosby (17.00) were obviously helped along by "Our Favrer who art in Green Bay" this week. And, T.J. Houshmanzadeh (12.25) managed to hit double figures while watching Chad Johnson get sent to the hospital. Does anyone think that most of the Bengals weren't at least a little happy that Johnson was wheeled off the field on a stretcher? You know, after they realized he wasn't dead or paralyzed. I'm sure a day or two without that blowhard at practice will be like a vacation for the Bengals. Look for them to really play well this Sunday.
Backsliding a bit, and falling into the bottom half of the league, are The Dragons. In addition to T.O. running around The Vet scoring points that didn't count, the Eagles' fans were booing Dunnavunn McNabb (22.83) and the offense on their first series. Those people had to have been suppressing that venom for at least a week or two. For Pete's sake, Raider fans at least wait until they see Shane Lechler punt before they turn on their pathetic offense. Props go out to Marques Colston (20.95) who has been putting up nice numbers during the Saints' winning streak. Drew Brees says the Saints are winning because everyone has relaxed and isn't trying to do too much. That's nice, Drew, but you might also want to mention those wins have come against Seattle, Atlanta, San Francisco, and the Quinn Gray-led Jaguars. LaDainian Tomlinson (15.85) had decent numbers, but was forced to watch from the sidelines as Peterson went crazy in the Metrodome. Looking really bad this week, or not even showing up, were Jason Elam (1.00) in the debacle in Detroit, Todd Heap (DNP), and the Philadelphia defense (-2.00), who got plenty of boos on their own.
Saddling up and riding closer to the top half of the PPFFL are The Outlaws. This franchise loves the second half of the season, as they were immensely better after Week 9 in 2006 than they were before. The same thing seems to be taking place in 2007. Tony Romo (42.98), Lee Evans (26.25) and Tony Gonzalez (24.45) were the studs of the week, while getting some support from LenDale White (13.05). We can only ask "What might have been?" if Laverneaus Coles (DNP) hadn't been scratched at the last minute. Working the waiver wires has been successful over the past few weeks, as this team has shot from the basement to within sight of 3rd place. Let's face it, who else would have had the stones to play Lee Evans of the Bills, much less expect him to do anything more than catch 2 passes for about 10 yards? And, what about White? The guy was becoming a cross between Bill Walton (bad feet) and the Goodyear Blimp, but has produced for The Outlaws. Who is this team going to swoop in and get next? Stay tuned, because it will be someone. Or, more likely, a half-dozen someones.
At this point last season, The Dominator was the only one over 1,000 points. This year, he's the only one not within a couple of TD's of 900. That speaks to the strength of the league, but also to the struggles of the team that led the league for most of 2006. Looking back, things went south as soon as he announced his first round selection on Draft Day. Marc Bulger has since been replaced more than capably by Derek Anderson (30.83), but the negative karma that came along with the pilot of a team that may not win this year still lingers. Just look at what happened to Antonio Gates (1.50) in Minnesota. That would have never happened last season. Chad Johnson (5.45), as previously mentioned, spent Sunday night hooked up to a bunch of machines, although it was announced that a routine scan of his brain, predictably, found nothing. Clinton Portis (18.80) managed to have a nice week, proving what we all learned in Algebra: two negatives do indeed make a positive. With this Bulger karma lingering, it would behoove The Dominator to pick up the following players: Chris Henry (either one of them, as they're both thugs and/or steroid freaks), the Dallas defense (now that Tank Johnson is playing again), anyone that hooks up with Britney Spears (more on that below), and Ron Mexico, should he ever be allowed to play again.
Notes:
- Transaction order is the same as it always is, with the exception of The Dragons having priority over The Bouncers.
- There were rumors last week about an alleged relationship developing between Tony Romo and Britney Spears. Romo quelled the rumors by saying they were just friends, then went out and lit up the Eagles. It was reported on "The News" that Spears was actually photographed giving Romo an improvised lap dance, which fueled the rumor. Let's break this down for a minute...Romo has been linked to both Jessica Simpson and Carrie Underwood. After the news and tabloids reported both of these things, Romo immediately went out and stunk up the joint, fueling the theory that Romo can't handle being linked to famous chicks from Hollywood or the world of music. That's why his performance on Sunday just proves some more how close to rock bottom Britney is. If she can't get in Romo's head enough to make him at least throw a couple of picks, then she's definitely on the downhill side of her career, at the ripe old age of 23. It won't be long before she's singing in a club off the strip in Vegas, while trying to develop a sit-com for ABC.
- It was confirmed last night that the weather in Western Pennsylvania can be so wickedly brutal, that even Ed Hoculi has to wear sleeves when he visits.
- The Kings open their 2007-2008 home schedule tonight against Seattle, while employing the worst set of big men to ever grace an NBA roster. There's not even a joke to go along with that statement, because just thinking of the names Brad Miller, Kenny Thomas, Mikki Moore, and Shareef Abdur-Rahim is enough to make anyone break out in laughter...or tears, depending on how many games they thought the Kings might win this year.
- Speaking of Shareef, it is obvious the NBA doesn't scrutinize birth records and the ages of its players as heavily as Major League Baseball. Let's face it, even though Shareef's papers say he is only 31, watching him play is incontrovertible proof that the guy is at least in his 50s and possibly in his early 60s. Knowing that, I have to give him credit for at least sometimes looking capable of playing the young man's game.
That's all for this week. Keep you head up, and be happy the Raiders have stopped selling out home games. Maybe the Niners will start doing that, too, so we won't have to watch them play at home, either.
The Commish
posted by Patrick Zalasky at 9:21 AM
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