Tuesday Review v3.14
The competition is getting fierce as we head into the final 3 weeks of this fake football season. The kids are still at the top, but the older guys behind them are getting a little frisky. The Cyclones have the lead for yet another week, but The Dragons have once again closed the gap. A little further back, The Maestro had the second biggest week of the season (to the 168.33 the Gnomies posted in Week 4) to pass The Dominator and take over 4th place. It was such a big week that our defending champion nearly passed the Gnomies, falling just a handful of points short of erasing what was a 78 point deficit at the beginning of the week.
Official Standings (Week 14):
Cyclones 1,541.61 (105.70)
The Dragons 1,504.65 (111.33)
Gnomies 1,462.53 (83.19)
The Maestro 1,456.33 (155.19)
The Dominator 1,424.76 (107.97)
Team STY 1,373.25 (84.05)
The Outlaws 1,279.58 (115.58)
This week's "I Sure Wish I Woul Have Played That Guy" Award goes to the biggest mover. The Maestro's big showing could have been the best of the season had he played Darren Sproles (18.85) instead of Ronnie Brown (6.40). It was just a bad decision, as Sproles was lining up to play the Raiders in a prime time game. The last time the Raiders didn't get embarrassed in a nationally televised game was....well, it was a really long time ago. I know the game was on NFL Network, so it probably got the same ratings as reruns of Lingo did on GSN, but it was technically a national telecast and the Silver and Black got bombed by a team coached by one of a long list of coaches Al Davis has jettisoned lately (the Raiders did stick it to the human rat Mike Shanahan a couple of weeks ago, regaining a little dignity). If the Raiders have to play at the University of Tennessee next season (in case you missed it, coached by noted liar {according to Al} Lane Kiffin), Las Vegas will likely install the Vols as an early 3-point favorite, even during what will be a rebuilding season for them.
Atop the standings for another week are the Cyclones. They had a solid week, but not as solid as the guys closest to them in the standings. Drew Brees (27.60) is beginning to lose some footing in the race for PPFFL MVP (more on that to follow), but did enough to keep his fake team out in front. Roddy White (21.20) and Larry Fitzgerald (15.65) were very solid this week, as was Frank Gore (12.25). LaDainian Tomlinson (10.55) scored early, then watched as his understudy, Sproles, got most of the reps after the Thursday night game got out of hand (so, he only played about a quarter and a half). This team has been solid over the last few weeks, but has definitely been somewhat short of spectacular. Speaking to the parity of the league, they haven't had to post weekly scores over 120 to keep the teams chasing them in the rear view mirror, as our winning team had to do in season 1 (last season was a boat race from Week 4 until the end). Right now, cracking 100 weekly has been the formula to stay in front.
The Dragons are doing their best to make this league interesting. Where they were once being carried by Kurt Warner (28.98), they are now squarely on the broad shoulders of Brian Westbrook (31.15), who is making a late season run at the PPFFL MVP. The guy has been banged up all season long, but continues to produce huge numbers when he's in the lineup. His mere presence is keeping his real team alive for the playoffs, while keeping his fake team in the hunt for a championship. His fake team backfield mate, Reggie Bush (14.30) is contributing again and Nate Kaeding (10.00) got a full workout on Thursday night. Not contributing as much as they would tell you they should were Terrell Owens (10.65) and Randy Moss (5.80). I'm beginning to beat a dead horse, but it is so much fun to rag on these prima donnas. T.O. gave a great press conference after the Cowboys lost to Pittsburgh, partially due to Tony Romo trying to give every Steeelers defender a souvenier. I only hear the audio, so I didn't see what T.O. was wearing, but he gave some very good, rambling statements wherein he tried to blame Romo and the coaching staff without really blaming them. He sounded very political. He probably wanted to blow up on all of them, but had to restrain because Romo did actually throw him the ball on one of the rare occasions the Cowboys reached the red zone. And it wasn't a charity pass this time, like it has been the last couple of times T.O. has reached the end zone.
The Gnomies struggled more than anyone in Week 14, as they were carried by a lackluster Brett Favre (21.34) and the Baltimore defense (18.00). Thomas Jones (12.40) and Donald Lee (11.40) were able to crack double figures but they couldn't make up for the struggles of Jerricho Cotchery (1.50), Greg Jennings (5.70), and Adrian Peterson (9.85). Speaking of Peterson, let's all raise a glass and toast Tarvaris Jackson. Were it not for his heroics, the Vikings would have been the first victim of the Detroit Tabby Cats this season. Jackson, who was (with Kyle Orton) part of the worst pairing of QBs in Monday Night Football history last season, subbed for the injured and incompetent Gus Frerotte on Sunday and guided the Vikings to a huge victory....not just for their place in the NFC North standings, but for their place in history. In a season that has given us so many dreadful teams (Detroit, Cincinnati, St. Louis, Kansas City, etc.) it would be a shame for anyone to lose to the team that appears to be the worst of all. It is now up to the Colts, Saints, and Packers to make sure we all get something truly memorable out of this season.
Given up for dead just last week, The Maestro made a Bob Beamon-esque leap toward the top part of the standings. Peyton Manning (46.54) got back on track after his debacle in Cleveland. Wes Welker (24.70), Steve Smith (23.85), the Pittsburgh defense (23.00), and Maurice Jones-Drew (20.60) also were able to bust through the 20-point barrier. This fake team is riding high because nearly everyone in the lineup is on a real team that is fighting either to make the playoffs or to gain a home game in the playoffs. Thus, there is incentive, beyond making more money, to play hard and produce each and every game. When apprised of the status of this particular fake team for which he is a member, Peyton Manning said, "I don't think that race is over by any means. We may be in 4th place, but we've really been coming around lately. I wouldn't get comfortable if I were managing one of the teams ahead of us right now." When asked for comment, Sebastian Janikowski (1.00) said, "If they get points for touchbacks, I will do my best to send my one and only kickoff of the game out of the end zone. If they don't get points for touchbacks, then they might want to look for another kicker, because I can't help them out much....unless coach lets me try some more 70-plus yarders."
The Dominator had a pretty good week, but not enough to keep from falling in to 5th place. Jay Cutler (44.52) got back to his early season form. Tony Gonzalez (14.65) continued his stellar play, while the Miami defense (15.00) ame up big. Other than that, it was all about kicker Garrett Hartley (12.00) and not much else. Yeah, I can't believe a guy named Garrett Hartley plays in the NFL, either. Clinton Portis (3.30) and Joseph Addai (4.00) found the going tough. Portis had to face the stout defense of the Ravens, while Addai watched as Manning led scoring drives that seemed to last for about 5 passing plays each. The Big Guy can still take back his 4th place standing, but it's going to take a big week to get there. Otherwise, it looks as though the bottom of the standings might be set.
Part of that is due to Team STY and their rough Week 14. Tony Romo (13.00), once the catalyst for this team (like, back in Weeks 2 and 3) had a rough week in Pittsburgh. Not so rough, though, that Freddie Coleman of ESPN radio was afraid to comment that he thought Romo managed the game well, right up until he threw the pick that got run back for a TD in the 4th quarter. The other two picks and the inability to move the team wasn't so bad, because he was really managing things well. In trying to pinpoint Romo's struggles, there is no evidence that Jessica Simpson attended the game. It was also about 4 degrees in Pittsburgh, so tan, hot women were not a factor (as if tan, hot women even lived in Pittsburgh...more like beer guzzling, bearded women). I guess we can chalk this one up to Romo being thrown off of his game by a solid NFL defense on a very cold day. Man, that's no fun.
The Outlaws were sharp this week, mostly due to Speed Racer himself, Antonio Bryant (34.00). He would not be upstaged by a couple of midget running backs on MNF, as he tried his best to keep the Bucs in the game. Playing hard until the very end, like Bryant did, is something that a lot of NFL receivers could afford to do more of. Too bad Bryant got himself in this position by neing an underachieving head case for so long. The Prima Donna Wide Receivers Association would rather have their members do enough to get a big contract, then decide to shut it down on the field while posing/pouting/showing off all of their bling. Occasionally, a good season needs to be thrown in, just to keep teams interested and to get paid. Randy Moss has taken all of this to another level. His achievements with regard to playing hard and getting paid, then becoming indifferent on the field and a pain in the neck off of it may never be approached again.
Notes:
The competition is getting fierce as we head into the final 3 weeks of this fake football season. The kids are still at the top, but the older guys behind them are getting a little frisky. The Cyclones have the lead for yet another week, but The Dragons have once again closed the gap. A little further back, The Maestro had the second biggest week of the season (to the 168.33 the Gnomies posted in Week 4) to pass The Dominator and take over 4th place. It was such a big week that our defending champion nearly passed the Gnomies, falling just a handful of points short of erasing what was a 78 point deficit at the beginning of the week.
Official Standings (Week 14):
Cyclones 1,541.61 (105.70)
The Dragons 1,504.65 (111.33)
Gnomies 1,462.53 (83.19)
The Maestro 1,456.33 (155.19)
The Dominator 1,424.76 (107.97)
Team STY 1,373.25 (84.05)
The Outlaws 1,279.58 (115.58)
This week's "I Sure Wish I Woul Have Played That Guy" Award goes to the biggest mover. The Maestro's big showing could have been the best of the season had he played Darren Sproles (18.85) instead of Ronnie Brown (6.40). It was just a bad decision, as Sproles was lining up to play the Raiders in a prime time game. The last time the Raiders didn't get embarrassed in a nationally televised game was....well, it was a really long time ago. I know the game was on NFL Network, so it probably got the same ratings as reruns of Lingo did on GSN, but it was technically a national telecast and the Silver and Black got bombed by a team coached by one of a long list of coaches Al Davis has jettisoned lately (the Raiders did stick it to the human rat Mike Shanahan a couple of weeks ago, regaining a little dignity). If the Raiders have to play at the University of Tennessee next season (in case you missed it, coached by noted liar {according to Al} Lane Kiffin), Las Vegas will likely install the Vols as an early 3-point favorite, even during what will be a rebuilding season for them.
Atop the standings for another week are the Cyclones. They had a solid week, but not as solid as the guys closest to them in the standings. Drew Brees (27.60) is beginning to lose some footing in the race for PPFFL MVP (more on that to follow), but did enough to keep his fake team out in front. Roddy White (21.20) and Larry Fitzgerald (15.65) were very solid this week, as was Frank Gore (12.25). LaDainian Tomlinson (10.55) scored early, then watched as his understudy, Sproles, got most of the reps after the Thursday night game got out of hand (so, he only played about a quarter and a half). This team has been solid over the last few weeks, but has definitely been somewhat short of spectacular. Speaking to the parity of the league, they haven't had to post weekly scores over 120 to keep the teams chasing them in the rear view mirror, as our winning team had to do in season 1 (last season was a boat race from Week 4 until the end). Right now, cracking 100 weekly has been the formula to stay in front.
The Dragons are doing their best to make this league interesting. Where they were once being carried by Kurt Warner (28.98), they are now squarely on the broad shoulders of Brian Westbrook (31.15), who is making a late season run at the PPFFL MVP. The guy has been banged up all season long, but continues to produce huge numbers when he's in the lineup. His mere presence is keeping his real team alive for the playoffs, while keeping his fake team in the hunt for a championship. His fake team backfield mate, Reggie Bush (14.30) is contributing again and Nate Kaeding (10.00) got a full workout on Thursday night. Not contributing as much as they would tell you they should were Terrell Owens (10.65) and Randy Moss (5.80). I'm beginning to beat a dead horse, but it is so much fun to rag on these prima donnas. T.O. gave a great press conference after the Cowboys lost to Pittsburgh, partially due to Tony Romo trying to give every Steeelers defender a souvenier. I only hear the audio, so I didn't see what T.O. was wearing, but he gave some very good, rambling statements wherein he tried to blame Romo and the coaching staff without really blaming them. He sounded very political. He probably wanted to blow up on all of them, but had to restrain because Romo did actually throw him the ball on one of the rare occasions the Cowboys reached the red zone. And it wasn't a charity pass this time, like it has been the last couple of times T.O. has reached the end zone.
The Gnomies struggled more than anyone in Week 14, as they were carried by a lackluster Brett Favre (21.34) and the Baltimore defense (18.00). Thomas Jones (12.40) and Donald Lee (11.40) were able to crack double figures but they couldn't make up for the struggles of Jerricho Cotchery (1.50), Greg Jennings (5.70), and Adrian Peterson (9.85). Speaking of Peterson, let's all raise a glass and toast Tarvaris Jackson. Were it not for his heroics, the Vikings would have been the first victim of the Detroit Tabby Cats this season. Jackson, who was (with Kyle Orton) part of the worst pairing of QBs in Monday Night Football history last season, subbed for the injured and incompetent Gus Frerotte on Sunday and guided the Vikings to a huge victory....not just for their place in the NFC North standings, but for their place in history. In a season that has given us so many dreadful teams (Detroit, Cincinnati, St. Louis, Kansas City, etc.) it would be a shame for anyone to lose to the team that appears to be the worst of all. It is now up to the Colts, Saints, and Packers to make sure we all get something truly memorable out of this season.
Given up for dead just last week, The Maestro made a Bob Beamon-esque leap toward the top part of the standings. Peyton Manning (46.54) got back on track after his debacle in Cleveland. Wes Welker (24.70), Steve Smith (23.85), the Pittsburgh defense (23.00), and Maurice Jones-Drew (20.60) also were able to bust through the 20-point barrier. This fake team is riding high because nearly everyone in the lineup is on a real team that is fighting either to make the playoffs or to gain a home game in the playoffs. Thus, there is incentive, beyond making more money, to play hard and produce each and every game. When apprised of the status of this particular fake team for which he is a member, Peyton Manning said, "I don't think that race is over by any means. We may be in 4th place, but we've really been coming around lately. I wouldn't get comfortable if I were managing one of the teams ahead of us right now." When asked for comment, Sebastian Janikowski (1.00) said, "If they get points for touchbacks, I will do my best to send my one and only kickoff of the game out of the end zone. If they don't get points for touchbacks, then they might want to look for another kicker, because I can't help them out much....unless coach lets me try some more 70-plus yarders."
The Dominator had a pretty good week, but not enough to keep from falling in to 5th place. Jay Cutler (44.52) got back to his early season form. Tony Gonzalez (14.65) continued his stellar play, while the Miami defense (15.00) ame up big. Other than that, it was all about kicker Garrett Hartley (12.00) and not much else. Yeah, I can't believe a guy named Garrett Hartley plays in the NFL, either. Clinton Portis (3.30) and Joseph Addai (4.00) found the going tough. Portis had to face the stout defense of the Ravens, while Addai watched as Manning led scoring drives that seemed to last for about 5 passing plays each. The Big Guy can still take back his 4th place standing, but it's going to take a big week to get there. Otherwise, it looks as though the bottom of the standings might be set.
Part of that is due to Team STY and their rough Week 14. Tony Romo (13.00), once the catalyst for this team (like, back in Weeks 2 and 3) had a rough week in Pittsburgh. Not so rough, though, that Freddie Coleman of ESPN radio was afraid to comment that he thought Romo managed the game well, right up until he threw the pick that got run back for a TD in the 4th quarter. The other two picks and the inability to move the team wasn't so bad, because he was really managing things well. In trying to pinpoint Romo's struggles, there is no evidence that Jessica Simpson attended the game. It was also about 4 degrees in Pittsburgh, so tan, hot women were not a factor (as if tan, hot women even lived in Pittsburgh...more like beer guzzling, bearded women). I guess we can chalk this one up to Romo being thrown off of his game by a solid NFL defense on a very cold day. Man, that's no fun.
The Outlaws were sharp this week, mostly due to Speed Racer himself, Antonio Bryant (34.00). He would not be upstaged by a couple of midget running backs on MNF, as he tried his best to keep the Bucs in the game. Playing hard until the very end, like Bryant did, is something that a lot of NFL receivers could afford to do more of. Too bad Bryant got himself in this position by neing an underachieving head case for so long. The Prima Donna Wide Receivers Association would rather have their members do enough to get a big contract, then decide to shut it down on the field while posing/pouting/showing off all of their bling. Occasionally, a good season needs to be thrown in, just to keep teams interested and to get paid. Randy Moss has taken all of this to another level. His achievements with regard to playing hard and getting paid, then becoming indifferent on the field and a pain in the neck off of it may never be approached again.
Notes:
- The Pillow Fight of the Week was Tennessee 28, Cleveland 9. When Ken Dorsey is starting at QB in the NFL, the feathers will be flying. If we're lucky, Dorsey will get hurt and the Browns will bring in his replacement with the Niners, rodeo cowboy Cody Pickett. That battle between Pickett and Kyle Orton a few years ago was one for the ages.
- No busting on Football Night in America or Monday Night Football because the PPFFL office was closed during both games this week. We'll just reiterate what we already know: Keith Olbermann is a condescening buffoon; Stu Scott is bad beyond description; Emmitt Smith has no grasp of the English language (or any other one); and Steve Young is concussed.
- The baseball winter meetings are under way and so far it looks like Jake Peavy will be going to the Cubs, Francisco Rodriguez will be going to the Mets, and CC Sabathia doesn't know where he wants to go. When asked for his expert opinion, Peaches Napear said, "As long as the Yankees have Mariano Rivera coming out of the pen in the 9th inning, it's going to be tough to beat the Yankees. He's a flat out dandy!"
- Peter Gammons is a stud. The guy had a stroke less than 18 months ago and is back to giving reports about every 7 minutes from Las Vegas. He's able to mention darn near every free agent and every team every hour of every day. Someone should keep track of this so we can see if he's truly an insider, or if he's just really creative.
- Brian Sabean was ready to make a splash and sign a former AL MVP and 9 time all star to play 2nd base for the Giants next season. His bubble was burst when he found out that Joe Gordon died back in 1978. "I thought it would have been a huge splash if we could have added a Hall-of-Famer to the top of our lineup," said the San Francisco GM.
- Back to football, another candidate for Pillow Fight of the Year arrives in Week 15: Seahawks at Rams. The feathers will be all over the Edward Jones Dome as teams that are a combined 4-22 face off.
With that, another week in fake football has been reviewed. Have a great week, gentlemen, and don't take any wooden nickels.
The Commish
posted by Patrick Zalasky at 9:15 AM
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