Tuesday Review v2.16

This is a little later than normal, but Christmas did fall on Tuesday, so what do you expect? It would have been done yesterday, but Jack and Will were busy winning another indoor soccer tournament in an arena so cold, the health department wouldn't let you hang raw meat in there for fear of it getting freezer burn. Parents were literally taking their kids outside between games so they could warm up. It was so cold, Alex ordered a Coca Cola that was a slurpee by the time it was handed to him.

Okay, enough about the cold. Week 16 in the PPFFL saw The Dragons pass the Kellogg Krushers for 2nd place on the strength of their QB. If you would have asked couple of weeks ago which quarterback would be giving their team a boost in the standings, Kurt Warner or Brett Favre, the consensus would have definitely been with Favre. The opposite happened in Week 16, however, as Warner (54.88) outpointed Favre (8.56) by a factor of six. The rest of the league stayed the same. Worth noting, though, is the strong week from The Dominator, who had the top score for the week until Denver laid down and let LaDainian (16.70) and the rest of the Chargers run all over them. That let The Dragons sneak away with top honors for the week.

Official Standings (Week 16):
The Maestro 2,069.17 (96.48)
The Dragons 1,783.16 (132.53)
Kellogg Krushers 1,757.03 (68.51)
The Bouncers 1,672.63 (121.27)
The Outlaws 1,579.79 (99.64)
The Dominator 1,465.97 (130.42)

In lieu of the usual summaries for each individual team, we will spend this week touching on a few things that merit mentioning....

• T.O. got hurt and the Cowboys won, locking up home field advantage in the NFC when Green Bay laid an egg against the Bears. Reports say Owens should be ready for the Cowboys' first playoff game in 3 weeks. This situation bears more than a little resemblance to the year he got hurt and the Eagles ended up in the Super Bowl. T.O. heroically came back that year to play in the big game and had a huge game. The Eagles lost, however, to what was a better team. Instead of being satisfied with that, though, T.O. decided to hammer Dunnavunn and blame him solely for the loss. That ended up leading to his bizarre holdout that included the semi-nude driveway calisthenics and his eventual trade to Dallas. Stay tuned this year, because it is highly unlikely that Tony Romo escapes the wrath of T.O. unless Dallas brings home the Lombardi Trophy.
• An unprecedented triple simulcast will happen on Saturday, when NBC and CBS show the NFL Network's feed of New England's attempt to finish the regular season 16-0. The Giants will provide the opposition in what may be a game that draws Super Bowl-type ratings. Bryant Gumbel, therefore, will provide the play-by-play in what will be the most watched game of the regular season. This apparently upsets many people, including noted carrot top Grant Napear. A die hard Giants fan, Napear apparently can't stomach the thought of having to listen to Gumbel during such a huge game that involves his favorite team. Well, you know what? I don't really like listening to Grant tell me how great it would be to go to Arco Arena to join the homely sign lady for a Kings game. I also didn't appreciate him telling me how much the Maloofs care about their team when they send their neighbors from Natomas to sit in their courtside seats for the Bucks game. And, I especially don't appreciate the fact that half of the free TV networks will be forcing us to watch Eli Manning play QB on Saturday night. Napear, incidentally, thinks Eli has done a great job leaging the Big Blue this season. Of course, Grant might be a little biased toward the Mannings. He is the guy who spent about 30 minutes of his radio show a couple of years ago telling Mike Lamb how awesome it was to spend the night with Scot Pollard and Peyton Manning. It's fairly certain that Grant meant something other than what we're all thinking, but he wasn't quite able to articulate that on the air, mostly because of his borderline hyperventilation.
• Grant isn't the worst announcer in the NBA, though. That distinction goes to Kings radio man Garry Gerould. Listening to Garry these days makes you wish James Naismith had never invented basketball and Marconi had never figured out how to capture radio waves traveling through our skies.
• The worst NBA TV commentator isn't Grant, either. It's Warriors play-by-play man Bob Fitzgerald. Grant loves the Kings players, as all team announcers do, but will occasionally offer up some criticism when things aren't going well. Fitzgerald, on the other hand, speaks of all Warriors in the tone that 5th grade boys speak of the first girl to give them their phone number. I don't typically like to watch a lot of games announced by Fitzgerald, but will definitely tune in if and when he and Baron Davis share their first kiss. The only thing to top that broadcast would be the one that comes after Baron tells Bob he wants to see other NBA announcers, but would still like to be friends. It seems impossible for Bob to be down when discussing the Warriors, but it would likely happen if he and Baron ever broke up.
• Back to football, Purdue beat Central Michigan in a thrilling Motor City Bowl last night. A field goal on the last play of the game was the difference, as the Boilermakers won 51-48. As Purdue players flooded the field in jubilation, Central Mighigan's players sulked off the field filled with dejection. The majority of the pain came not from losing to Purdue, but from having to spend a December week in Detroit before losing to Purdue.
• Seriously, does any team really get excited to play in the Motor City Bowl? Most bowls showcase the cities where they are held, with the players being treated to the best each city has to offer. What collegiate athlete truly looks forward to experiencing the best of Detroit? I suppose the tour of all of the closed down industrial plants could be interesting. Watching people stand in a line a quarter mile long to pick up their welfare checks might be cool, too. Sitting in a hotel room and looking out the window to see blowing snow might be educational for any budding meterologists. The highlight of the Detroit experience, though, is probably the opportunity to purchase a gun at black market prices. That might be why there are rumors swirling that the University of Miami, should they not be eligible for the BCS Championship game, would like to be placed in the Motor City Bowl on an annual basis.

That's all for this week. A full season review will follow sometime after the conclusion of Week 17. Until then, don't take any wooden nickels.