Tuesday Review v3.3
The youngest team in the PPFFL as zoomed to the top of the standings. The rest of the league is now chasing the Cyclones who are riding the right arm of Drew Brees and the legs of Frank Gore. Speaking to the overall quality of the league is the fact that 5 of the 7 teams are over 300 points for the season, with another just 6 points shy of that. History has told us that averaging 100 points a week is pretty good, especially with the extra teams we have added the last couple of seasons.
Official Standings (Week 3):
Cyclones 333.11 (142.82)
The Dragons 328.45 (73.94)
The Dominator 320.98
Team STY 316.34 (95.20)
Gnomies 312.97 (133.47)
The Maestro 294.24 (86.28)
The Outlaws 268.46 (105.02)
There is absolutely no question about who receives the "I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy Award" for Week 3. For the first time since 1923, a player scored 4 rushing touchdowns while also throwing a touchdown pass. The man who did that, of course, is Miami's Ronnie Brown (41.48). Ronnie was sitting the bench, however, for The Maestro, who apparently thought he would get a lot more than he did out of Willie Parker (1.00) and Chris Johnson (5.95). The 2007 PPFFL champion looks to be sufferning the same curse that has felled Tom Brady. It goes to show that cruising to a fake football championship on the backs of players who are blatantly running up the score and humiliating their opponents is punished with all of the fury and vengeance of the football gods. Either that, or The Maestro did a really poor job of picking his team this season, and an even worse job of deciding who should start at RB in Week 3.
Bolting to the top of the league at the 3/16th point are the Cyclones. These guys are being carried for the most part by Drew Brees (51.92) and Frank Gore (21.10), who have been feasting on less than stellar defenses early in the season. The trend looks to continue in Week 4 as the Niners travel to New Orleans in what looks to be the matchup of an easily movable object and an incredibly penetrable force. Also chipping in with big weeks were Larry Fitzgerald (21.45), former PPFFL MVP LaDainian Tomlinson (19.35) and obscure tight end Anthony Fasano (12.30). This team could find itself near the top all season long, barring injuries, as they have a top flight QB, a solid WR on a team that throws a lot (either by design or because they're losing most of the time), and a RB that has been rejuvenated by his team's new offensive coordinator (who has no aversions to the forward pass and who attempts to get plenty of touches for the team's best player). Now, if they can just resist the temptation to play the Raiders on their roster....
Sliding to second place and being hit hard by and injury are The Dragons. Brian Westbrook (0.60) went down early in Sunday's game against Pittsburgh and didn't return. His injury coupled with disappearing acts by Randy Moss (5.25) and Terrell Owens (2.85) ushered in the lowest scoring week of the season for our once comfortable leader. If not for Marshawn Lynch (21.70) hammering on the Raiders and Kurt Warner (22.84) having a decent week in Washington, this could have been a real disaster. The games had by Moss and T.O. now bring into question the attitudes of these two loose cannons. Moss has quit on QBs much better than Matt Cassell in the past and likely will pack it in if they Patriots lose a couple of more times in the season's first half. As for T.O., there's no way he was happy with Romo throwing deep balls to Austin What's-his-name on Sunday night. Another game like that in the next week or two and T.O. will either be doing nude calisthenics in his driveway, or incoherenly be telling us how he has 25 million reasons to live. I think everyone but Dave is rooting for the meltdowns, and not just for fake football reasons. The world is just a more entertaining place when Moss and T.O. are dogging it while whining about anything and everything.
In a sign that the football gods are forgiving beings, The Dominator has moved back near the top of the standings. He came a Tony Gonzalez (5.75) touchdown away from posting the season's first octuple double. Jay Cutler (30.13) again led the way, being joined by the Minnesota defense (19.00), Joseph Addai (17.40), Santana Moss (16.75), Clinton Portis (12.35), Shayne Graham (11.00), and Anquan Boldin (10.25). Forgiveness is so sweet that not even playing guys involved in an Arizona/Washington matchup could put a damper on the week. If you were to ask what the biggest difference between this year and last has been for this team, other than the negative karma being stricken, it would have to be not playing Dereck Anderson at QB. Has anyone every parlayed one super tremendous game into a worse 15 games than him? His performance from Week 4 of last season was Marino-esque. Since then, he's been the second coming of Mike Moroski. It might be time for Romeo Crennel to run their first round bonus baby from last year out there in the hopes that, you know, they can get the ball near the end zone.
Speaking of the end zone, Team STY seems to have found a potential NFL TD champ in Marion Barber III (17.85). He appears to be the guy the Cowboys will go to in the red zone, much to the chagrin of the fake football owners who have T.O. and Jason Witten on their rosters. Other than Barber and the San Diego defense (17.00), who took advantage of Brett Favre's scatter-arm, these guys had trouble putting together a mediocre week. Tony Romo (19.65) was less than spectacular in his return to the place of all the girls he's loved before. No doubt, the trip back to Wisconsin had him thinking about all the girls he had the hots for in high school. Remember, if the Cowboys ever go back to Miami, the home of tons of tanned hotties, bet the house on the Dolphins and take the over on Romo's interceptions. Steven Jackson (11.40) was the only other player to crack double figures, something the Rams hope to lose by less than at some point in the season. I don't think there is any question that the teams from Missouri are the worst the NFL has to offer this season. It's fortunate for the rest of the world that these teams don't play this year. A black hole would probably swallow up the earth if they did.
Turning in the second best score of the week were the Gnomies. One thing about Brett Favre's (43.67) scatter-arm is the fact that it leads to deficits and his team throwing the ball for the whole game. Jerricho Cotchery (16.50) is a beneficiary of that this year, as Greg Jennings (16.75) was last year in Green Bay. Jack of the River down in Jacksonville finally came up with a game plan to get the ball to Maurice Jones-Drew (22.55) who is probably the toughest player in the league to tackle. Ironically, the Jaguars actually won the game where the ball was given to the best RB on the team more times than it was given to Fred Taylor. The Human Bowling Ball's solid effort made up for a sub par effort from Adrian Peterson (3.85). The Tampa Bay defense (13.00) and Mason Crosby (10.00) turned in solid contributions from positions not normally counted on for points. Another big week like this for the Gnomies might lead to a bunch of kids at the top of the standings next week.
For the second week in a row, The Maestro failed to see any of the players in his lineup carry the ball past the goal line. Ronnie Brown, of course, was scoring like Justin Timberlake at a debutante ball, but he was riding the pine behind Parker and Johnson. J.T. O'Sullivan (29.88) was solid for the second week in a row, but a 21-3 halftime lead against the lowly Lions meant he would be handing the ball off the whole second half. The Pittsburgh defense (13.00) and Sebastian Janikowski (11.00) were the next two scorers this week, which isn't a very good sign. In fact, it's even money right now whether the next touchdown from this team will come from a skill player or SeaBass. The formerly rotund Raiders kicker might be a good bet to score, just ask Oakland's radio man Greg Papa. When SeaBass chased Buffalo's return man out of bounds on a kickoff, Papa attributed it to the 30 pounds the Polish Hammer lost in the offseason, getting his weight down to 255. The lost weight added speed, Papa said, that allowed him to knock the return man out of bounds. I'm not a real football GM, but I think the speed of a team's kicker would be the last thing anyone should be worried about. I guess when you're the Raiders, though, you need a kicker capable of chasing people down from behind. From my standpoint, and seeing as how this is my fake team, I would like to see SeaBass bulk back up to about 280. That way Lane Kiffin could give him the ball in goal line situations, and possibly get this here fake team another TD before the season ends.
Still in last place, but closer to the rest of the league than before, are The Outlaws. Dunnavunn McNabb (26.32), Brandon Marshall (22.75) , and Matt Forte (20.75) led the team in what was a pretty decent week. Had the contributions from guy like Brandon Jacobs (7.75) and Anthony Gonzalez (3.85) been any better, there would be a very realistic chance for the whole PPFFL to be over 400 points by the end of play next Monday night. This team is definitely recovering nicely, however, from the debacle of Week 1. This is the proverbial team at the bottom of the standings that nobody would want to play in the playoffs...you know, if our teams actually played each other and we had playoffs.
Notes:
The youngest team in the PPFFL as zoomed to the top of the standings. The rest of the league is now chasing the Cyclones who are riding the right arm of Drew Brees and the legs of Frank Gore. Speaking to the overall quality of the league is the fact that 5 of the 7 teams are over 300 points for the season, with another just 6 points shy of that. History has told us that averaging 100 points a week is pretty good, especially with the extra teams we have added the last couple of seasons.
Official Standings (Week 3):
Cyclones 333.11 (142.82)
The Dragons 328.45 (73.94)
The Dominator 320.98
Team STY 316.34 (95.20)
Gnomies 312.97 (133.47)
The Maestro 294.24 (86.28)
The Outlaws 268.46 (105.02)
There is absolutely no question about who receives the "I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy Award" for Week 3. For the first time since 1923, a player scored 4 rushing touchdowns while also throwing a touchdown pass. The man who did that, of course, is Miami's Ronnie Brown (41.48). Ronnie was sitting the bench, however, for The Maestro, who apparently thought he would get a lot more than he did out of Willie Parker (1.00) and Chris Johnson (5.95). The 2007 PPFFL champion looks to be sufferning the same curse that has felled Tom Brady. It goes to show that cruising to a fake football championship on the backs of players who are blatantly running up the score and humiliating their opponents is punished with all of the fury and vengeance of the football gods. Either that, or The Maestro did a really poor job of picking his team this season, and an even worse job of deciding who should start at RB in Week 3.
Bolting to the top of the league at the 3/16th point are the Cyclones. These guys are being carried for the most part by Drew Brees (51.92) and Frank Gore (21.10), who have been feasting on less than stellar defenses early in the season. The trend looks to continue in Week 4 as the Niners travel to New Orleans in what looks to be the matchup of an easily movable object and an incredibly penetrable force. Also chipping in with big weeks were Larry Fitzgerald (21.45), former PPFFL MVP LaDainian Tomlinson (19.35) and obscure tight end Anthony Fasano (12.30). This team could find itself near the top all season long, barring injuries, as they have a top flight QB, a solid WR on a team that throws a lot (either by design or because they're losing most of the time), and a RB that has been rejuvenated by his team's new offensive coordinator (who has no aversions to the forward pass and who attempts to get plenty of touches for the team's best player). Now, if they can just resist the temptation to play the Raiders on their roster....
Sliding to second place and being hit hard by and injury are The Dragons. Brian Westbrook (0.60) went down early in Sunday's game against Pittsburgh and didn't return. His injury coupled with disappearing acts by Randy Moss (5.25) and Terrell Owens (2.85) ushered in the lowest scoring week of the season for our once comfortable leader. If not for Marshawn Lynch (21.70) hammering on the Raiders and Kurt Warner (22.84) having a decent week in Washington, this could have been a real disaster. The games had by Moss and T.O. now bring into question the attitudes of these two loose cannons. Moss has quit on QBs much better than Matt Cassell in the past and likely will pack it in if they Patriots lose a couple of more times in the season's first half. As for T.O., there's no way he was happy with Romo throwing deep balls to Austin What's-his-name on Sunday night. Another game like that in the next week or two and T.O. will either be doing nude calisthenics in his driveway, or incoherenly be telling us how he has 25 million reasons to live. I think everyone but Dave is rooting for the meltdowns, and not just for fake football reasons. The world is just a more entertaining place when Moss and T.O. are dogging it while whining about anything and everything.
In a sign that the football gods are forgiving beings, The Dominator has moved back near the top of the standings. He came a Tony Gonzalez (5.75) touchdown away from posting the season's first octuple double. Jay Cutler (30.13) again led the way, being joined by the Minnesota defense (19.00), Joseph Addai (17.40), Santana Moss (16.75), Clinton Portis (12.35), Shayne Graham (11.00), and Anquan Boldin (10.25). Forgiveness is so sweet that not even playing guys involved in an Arizona/Washington matchup could put a damper on the week. If you were to ask what the biggest difference between this year and last has been for this team, other than the negative karma being stricken, it would have to be not playing Dereck Anderson at QB. Has anyone every parlayed one super tremendous game into a worse 15 games than him? His performance from Week 4 of last season was Marino-esque. Since then, he's been the second coming of Mike Moroski. It might be time for Romeo Crennel to run their first round bonus baby from last year out there in the hopes that, you know, they can get the ball near the end zone.
Speaking of the end zone, Team STY seems to have found a potential NFL TD champ in Marion Barber III (17.85). He appears to be the guy the Cowboys will go to in the red zone, much to the chagrin of the fake football owners who have T.O. and Jason Witten on their rosters. Other than Barber and the San Diego defense (17.00), who took advantage of Brett Favre's scatter-arm, these guys had trouble putting together a mediocre week. Tony Romo (19.65) was less than spectacular in his return to the place of all the girls he's loved before. No doubt, the trip back to Wisconsin had him thinking about all the girls he had the hots for in high school. Remember, if the Cowboys ever go back to Miami, the home of tons of tanned hotties, bet the house on the Dolphins and take the over on Romo's interceptions. Steven Jackson (11.40) was the only other player to crack double figures, something the Rams hope to lose by less than at some point in the season. I don't think there is any question that the teams from Missouri are the worst the NFL has to offer this season. It's fortunate for the rest of the world that these teams don't play this year. A black hole would probably swallow up the earth if they did.
Turning in the second best score of the week were the Gnomies. One thing about Brett Favre's (43.67) scatter-arm is the fact that it leads to deficits and his team throwing the ball for the whole game. Jerricho Cotchery (16.50) is a beneficiary of that this year, as Greg Jennings (16.75) was last year in Green Bay. Jack of the River down in Jacksonville finally came up with a game plan to get the ball to Maurice Jones-Drew (22.55) who is probably the toughest player in the league to tackle. Ironically, the Jaguars actually won the game where the ball was given to the best RB on the team more times than it was given to Fred Taylor. The Human Bowling Ball's solid effort made up for a sub par effort from Adrian Peterson (3.85). The Tampa Bay defense (13.00) and Mason Crosby (10.00) turned in solid contributions from positions not normally counted on for points. Another big week like this for the Gnomies might lead to a bunch of kids at the top of the standings next week.
For the second week in a row, The Maestro failed to see any of the players in his lineup carry the ball past the goal line. Ronnie Brown, of course, was scoring like Justin Timberlake at a debutante ball, but he was riding the pine behind Parker and Johnson. J.T. O'Sullivan (29.88) was solid for the second week in a row, but a 21-3 halftime lead against the lowly Lions meant he would be handing the ball off the whole second half. The Pittsburgh defense (13.00) and Sebastian Janikowski (11.00) were the next two scorers this week, which isn't a very good sign. In fact, it's even money right now whether the next touchdown from this team will come from a skill player or SeaBass. The formerly rotund Raiders kicker might be a good bet to score, just ask Oakland's radio man Greg Papa. When SeaBass chased Buffalo's return man out of bounds on a kickoff, Papa attributed it to the 30 pounds the Polish Hammer lost in the offseason, getting his weight down to 255. The lost weight added speed, Papa said, that allowed him to knock the return man out of bounds. I'm not a real football GM, but I think the speed of a team's kicker would be the last thing anyone should be worried about. I guess when you're the Raiders, though, you need a kicker capable of chasing people down from behind. From my standpoint, and seeing as how this is my fake team, I would like to see SeaBass bulk back up to about 280. That way Lane Kiffin could give him the ball in goal line situations, and possibly get this here fake team another TD before the season ends.
Still in last place, but closer to the rest of the league than before, are The Outlaws. Dunnavunn McNabb (26.32), Brandon Marshall (22.75) , and Matt Forte (20.75) led the team in what was a pretty decent week. Had the contributions from guy like Brandon Jacobs (7.75) and Anthony Gonzalez (3.85) been any better, there would be a very realistic chance for the whole PPFFL to be over 400 points by the end of play next Monday night. This team is definitely recovering nicely, however, from the debacle of Week 1. This is the proverbial team at the bottom of the standings that nobody would want to play in the playoffs...you know, if our teams actually played each other and we had playoffs.
Notes:
- You all know the order of transactions, so please get them in to me as soon as you can.
- The Pillow Fight of the Week ended up being the confrontation between Cleveland and Baltimore. Browns vs. Used-to-be-Browns lived up to all of the brown hype. Right now, Cleveland is just a shade above the Missouri teams on the attractiveness scale. If Brady Quinn doesn't play soon, the whole city of Cleveland might decide to relive the good old days by lighting the Ohio River on fire.
- Dick Stockton worked the Niners/Lions game with the Brians, Baldinger and Billick, and it was all that and more. Stockton was his usual senile self, being corrected about players names off and on all day by Baldinger. The best moment of the telecast, however, didn't involve the decrepid old man. It was when the Niners stalled out near midfield right before halftime and brought in Andy Lee to punt with 10 seconds left. Billick commented on what a great drive it was because their ability to get the ball near midfield was key in giving the Lions poor field position. The punt landed inside the 10 and was downed as time ran out and both teams headed for their dressing rooms. Yeah, pinning the Lions near the goal line as time ran out in the half was definitely key in the game. Nobody told Billick how foolish he sounded, though, because Baldinger was busy ordering a double stuffed sausage and spincach quiche, while Stockton was taking one of his naps that are scheduled for every 70 minutes.
- I skipped Football Night in America this week, mostly to do yard work. I'm sure I missed nothing short of absolute stupidity emanating from Costas, Cris, Keith, Dan and the rest of the crew. It's defintiely my loss.
- Speaking of stupidity and broadcasting, what is being done to Marv Albert by Westwood One is nothing short of criminal. Whereas Marv once worked with the stellar Boomer Esiason on Monday Night Football radio telecasts, he was paired with the illiterate Michael Irvin in Week 2 and the something-or-other Denny Green in Week 3. Here's a sampling of what America heard:
Week 2:
Marv: Romo drops back and thows a bomb downfield...Owens catches it in stride and takes it in for a touchdown.
Mike: AAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAHHHHH! That's what I'm talking about! They can't cover T.O., BABY!!!
Marv: Michael, what got Owens so wide open?
Mike: {45 seconds of completely unintelligible talking. If he was speaking English, then I need to take a class to brush up on it.}
Week 3:
Marv: It's a key situation here for the Jets, as they need to score here to remain in the game.
Denny: I would definitely punt right here, Marv, and let my defense give my offense a chance to do some damage.
Marv: But, Denny, it's second down and the Jets are down 3 scores. Is that really the best strategy to employ?
Denny: Who was the coach in the NFL? I know what I'm talking about. The Cardinals have been nothing since I left.
Well, guys, that's it for this week. The Week 4 schedule, transactions, lineups, and random notes will be posted throughout the week. For the rest of the week, do great things.
The Commish
posted by Patrick Zalasky at 1:41 PM
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