Week 3 Notes
Whod've thunk that Arizona @ Washington would be the game of the week? At least it is in the PPFFL. Warner, Boldin, Fitzgerald, Moss, Cooley....the Cardinals win a couple of games against weak teams to start the season and all heck breaks loose. I can't wait for Boomer, Mortimer, Tommy Jax, and (barf) Stu Scott to spend about 12 minutes breaking the game down on Sunday morning.
Jerry Jones...I mean, Ang, is hoping Jessica Simpson stays on her tour of singing for morning talk shows and stays away from whatever stadium the Cowboys are playing in. Tony Romo has been awesome the first couple of weeks, the wacky fumble for TD last Monday notwithstanding, so he has nowhere to go but down when his bodacious blonde airheaded babe dons her pink jersey and watches from a luxury box. Unless, of course, she brings along the Dancing Chuckies (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BAyc5qq-pNA&eurl=http://videogum.com/).
Sunday's Pillow Fight of the Week could be any one of about 7 games. In years past, and I mean last year, Arizona/Washington would be a frontrunner, as would Detroit/San Francisco, Oakland/Buffalo, and Kansas City/Atlanta. Based on the last two weeks, Houston/Tennessee looks to be pretty weak, as does, surprisingly, Jacksonville/Indianapolis. The prediction from here, though, pegs Seattle/St. Louis as the slap fight to end all slap fights. We have a team that's down to its 17th string wide receiver (who will be thrown to by a guy who is walking like Fred Sanford) and who gave up 33 points to the Niners last week, battling a team so horrifically bad in the first two weeks that it's impossible to describe just how bad they are. The official winner of the PFOTW will be announced in the Tuesday Review v3.3.
By the way, the PFOTW was not publicized last week, but, fear not, it wasn't forgotten. The winner of the coveted weekly award was Raiders 23 Chiefs 8. JaMarcus Russell completed 6 passes in a winning effort, outclassing the soon to be immortal Tyler Thigpen. Thigpen, of course, set numerous passing records at Coastal Carolina, the school located in the midst of the Redneck Riviera, just outside Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. When you have a team that is nearly blanked by a Raider defense that gave up a long TD to the worthless Darrell Jackson in Week 1, you know you have an offensive coordinator that broke out the goose feathered pillows to ready his troops. Had Darren McFadden not busted out with a performance that had Mike Ham, I mean Lamb, predicting a playoff run for the Silver and Black (before the news came out that D-MacF may be limited in Week 3 because of a sore toe) on the Peaches and Ham Show, this game would have definitely been in the running to be the Pillow Fight of the Year. As it stands, it narrowly beat out Indianapolis/Minnesota for the Week 2 honors. Pittsburgh/Cleveland would have been in the running, except for the fact the teams were forced to play in 30 mph winds and rain that was somehow blowing a different direction than the wind.
Some crazed fans of the Chargers (both of them) and people bitter because they had either bet on San Diego to win or had their defense in a fantasy league, flooded referee Ed Hochuli's work email with vitriolic messages blaming him directly for the Chargers' loss in Denver. Hochuli admirably took the blame for missing the call, which is exactly what you would expect the guy to do. After all, he could choke out everyone in America, with the possible exception of Rosie O'Donnell. Nobody could get their hands around that neck, much less apply enough pressure to get though all of the layers of blubber and twinkies to get to her windpipe. Anyway, some kind souls (Bronco fans) emailed Hochuli messages of support, which the muscled one no doubt banished to his deleted messages folder as quickly as possible. If you would like to send along a message, be it in support of Ed or to deride him, you can send it to mailto:i
That being said, let's wish Ed the best for the rest of the season, and hope he works a lot of the premier games on CBS. It's always fun to listen to Phil Simms talk about Ed the way he would the first person he ever had a crush on, if that person had 26 inch biceps and a 48 inch chest.
That's all for this week, fellas. Good luck, and do what's patriotic....no, don't send a check to the federal government. Instead, email Joe Biden a link to Dr. Rosinelli's website so he can get some decent hair plugs. Dr. R did wonders to the Hall of Famer Rick Barry.
Whod've thunk that Arizona @ Washington would be the game of the week? At least it is in the PPFFL. Warner, Boldin, Fitzgerald, Moss, Cooley....the Cardinals win a couple of games against weak teams to start the season and all heck breaks loose. I can't wait for Boomer, Mortimer, Tommy Jax, and (barf) Stu Scott to spend about 12 minutes breaking the game down on Sunday morning.
Jerry Jones...I mean, Ang, is hoping Jessica Simpson stays on her tour of singing for morning talk shows and stays away from whatever stadium the Cowboys are playing in. Tony Romo has been awesome the first couple of weeks, the wacky fumble for TD last Monday notwithstanding, so he has nowhere to go but down when his bodacious blonde airheaded babe dons her pink jersey and watches from a luxury box. Unless, of course, she brings along the Dancing Chuckies (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BAyc5qq-pNA&eurl=http://videogum.com/).
Sunday's Pillow Fight of the Week could be any one of about 7 games. In years past, and I mean last year, Arizona/Washington would be a frontrunner, as would Detroit/San Francisco, Oakland/Buffalo, and Kansas City/Atlanta. Based on the last two weeks, Houston/Tennessee looks to be pretty weak, as does, surprisingly, Jacksonville/Indianapolis. The prediction from here, though, pegs Seattle/St. Louis as the slap fight to end all slap fights. We have a team that's down to its 17th string wide receiver (who will be thrown to by a guy who is walking like Fred Sanford) and who gave up 33 points to the Niners last week, battling a team so horrifically bad in the first two weeks that it's impossible to describe just how bad they are. The official winner of the PFOTW will be announced in the Tuesday Review v3.3.
By the way, the PFOTW was not publicized last week, but, fear not, it wasn't forgotten. The winner of the coveted weekly award was Raiders 23 Chiefs 8. JaMarcus Russell completed 6 passes in a winning effort, outclassing the soon to be immortal Tyler Thigpen. Thigpen, of course, set numerous passing records at Coastal Carolina, the school located in the midst of the Redneck Riviera, just outside Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. When you have a team that is nearly blanked by a Raider defense that gave up a long TD to the worthless Darrell Jackson in Week 1, you know you have an offensive coordinator that broke out the goose feathered pillows to ready his troops. Had Darren McFadden not busted out with a performance that had Mike Ham, I mean Lamb, predicting a playoff run for the Silver and Black (before the news came out that D-MacF may be limited in Week 3 because of a sore toe) on the Peaches and Ham Show, this game would have definitely been in the running to be the Pillow Fight of the Year. As it stands, it narrowly beat out Indianapolis/Minnesota for the Week 2 honors. Pittsburgh/Cleveland would have been in the running, except for the fact the teams were forced to play in 30 mph winds and rain that was somehow blowing a different direction than the wind.
Some crazed fans of the Chargers (both of them) and people bitter because they had either bet on San Diego to win or had their defense in a fantasy league, flooded referee Ed Hochuli's work email with vitriolic messages blaming him directly for the Chargers' loss in Denver. Hochuli admirably took the blame for missing the call, which is exactly what you would expect the guy to do. After all, he could choke out everyone in America, with the possible exception of Rosie O'Donnell. Nobody could get their hands around that neck, much less apply enough pressure to get though all of the layers of blubber and twinkies to get to her windpipe. Anyway, some kind souls (Bronco fans) emailed Hochuli messages of support, which the muscled one no doubt banished to his deleted messages folder as quickly as possible. If you would like to send along a message, be it in support of Ed or to deride him, you can send it to mailto:i
That being said, let's wish Ed the best for the rest of the season, and hope he works a lot of the premier games on CBS. It's always fun to listen to Phil Simms talk about Ed the way he would the first person he ever had a crush on, if that person had 26 inch biceps and a 48 inch chest.
That's all for this week, fellas. Good luck, and do what's patriotic....no, don't send a check to the federal government. Instead, email Joe Biden a link to Dr. Rosinelli's website so he can get some decent hair plugs. Dr. R did wonders to the Hall of Famer Rick Barry.
posted by Patrick Zalasky at 8:03 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home