Week 16 Starting Lineups
We haven't had any celebrity appearances this year to announce the weekly starting lineups, so I tried and tried to get someone in before the season was over. Berman asked for too much money, Nantz was too busy saving everyone from themselves, and Costas is busy making Christmas cookies inside one of the Keebler trees. That left me with the one and only Dick Stockton to present to you the lineups for Week 16 of the PPFFL season. It looks like he just finished his morning snack of apple sauce, wheat berries, and Gogurt, so take it away, Dick!
Thank you. Before I begin, I just want to express to Commissioner Kuhn how honored I am to be able to present the Week 16 starting lineups for the Arena Football League.
First, we have the Cyclones. Starting at Quarterback is Drew Barrymore, who is having a fantastic season for the San Diego Chargers. At Running Back are Pierre Thomas of the Saints and LaDainian Tomlinson who plays for the same high school team as Randy Moss and Michael Vick. I think it's Nike High. At Wide Reveiver are Robby White who I've never heard of and Larry Fitzsimmons, son of Cotton Fitzsimmons one of my all time favorite basketball coaches. The Tight End is Dallas Texas of the Colts. Kicking for this team is Rod Bironas of the Oilers and their Defense is the New York Titans.
For The Dragons, Kurt Warner of the Barnstormers will be at Quarterback. Brian Westbrook of the Eagles will be joined at Running Back by Buffalo's O.J. Simpson. At Wide Receiver will be someone who exudes humble, San Francisco's Terrell Owens. He will be joined there by Andre Ethier of the Oilers. Sammie Davis will be playing Tight End. Nate Newton of the Cowboys will do the Kicking and the Defense will be handled by the Steagles.
Quarterbacking for The Maestro will be the Colts' Peyton Manning. The Running Backs are Ronnie "Cadillac" Williams of the Dolphins and Drew Jones-Maurice of the Jaguars. Wait, that's a mistake, there's no team called the Jaguars. I think he plays for the Los Angeles Rams. And, so does Wide Receiver Steve Smith, who, it says here, plays for the Carolina Panthers. I'll have to talk to the Commissioner about all of these mistakes. Everybody knows there isn't a team in North Carolina. There isn't even a place called North Carolina. Anyway, the other receiver is Wes Chandler of the Chargers. Mike Ditka of the Cowboys is the Tight End, with Sebastian Janikowski doing the kicking and the Steagles playing the Defense.
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
Whoa, sorry, guys. I was busy reviewing paperwork and not paying attention. Meanwhile, Dick dozed off, with his nose landing right on the apostrophe key. His caregiver gave him a One-a-Day and a shot of liquid Geritol, and he looks perkier than ever. Back to you, Dick....
The Gnomies will be starting Brett Favre at Quarterback. Wow, this team must be up by about 10,000 points in the standings. I think that, as soon as this team drafted Brett Favre, the race for the championship was over. I remember calling a game back in 1946 between the Packers and the Browns at the old Cleveland Stadium. It was December and the temperature was 17-below zero with snow flurries coming off of the lake. The Browns were leading 13-3 with 12 minutes left in the game when Packers coach Red Auerbach replaced starting quarterback Reggie Jackson with a rookie named Brett Favre. Brett came in and threw not one, not two, but three touchdown passes, all to Jerry Rice, to win the game. That is one of my greatest memories. Right there with when I was married to Martha Washington.
I really like this next guy's name: The Dominator. His team starts Jay Johnstone, a great Putt-Putt announcer, at Quarterback. At Running Back are community leader Jamal Lewis of the Browns and Clinton Portis of the Redskins. You may not know this, but Portis is a certified genius who can almost recite the alphabet backwards! Not many people can do that, my friends. The Wide Receivers are Kate Moss, a lovely woman who in addition to modeling also finds time to play for the Redskins, and Anquan Randle El, who is one of the greatest talents to ever play for the St. Louis Cardinals, no offesne to Ozzie Osbourne or Albert Pujols who were also great Cardinals. Speedy Gonzalez is the undersized, but speedy, Tight End for the Chiefs. Garrett Hartley...wait a minute. That's a made up name. Who is really doing the kicking? Anyway, until we find out who is really kicking, I will tell you that the Dolphins will be the Defense.
Tony Roma will be playing Quarterback for Team STY. You may not know this, but he also makes a fantastic rack of ribs and has even founded a national restaurant chain. DeAngelo Williams of...I don't know who he plays for...it says here the Panthers, but we already went over that...anyway, he's playing Running Back with Joe Willie Namath of the Jets. Antonio Gates of the Chargers is the Tight End. Joe Montana of the Forty Niners is doing the Kicking and the New York Titans are the Defense.
And finally, for The Outlaws, Jesse James will be playing Quarterback, with Joaquin Murrieta and Jack "The Red" Almer at Tight End. Frank Kearney and his partner Dave Rudabaugh are the Wide Receivers. Russian Bill Tattenbaum is the Tight End, while Octoviano Telles will do the Kicking and the Clanton Gang plays Defense. I personally know a lot of these men, so I wish them the best.
Once again, I am honored to be given the opportunity to do this today. The best of luck to all of you. I'm Dick Stockton, signing off.
We haven't had any celebrity appearances this year to announce the weekly starting lineups, so I tried and tried to get someone in before the season was over. Berman asked for too much money, Nantz was too busy saving everyone from themselves, and Costas is busy making Christmas cookies inside one of the Keebler trees. That left me with the one and only Dick Stockton to present to you the lineups for Week 16 of the PPFFL season. It looks like he just finished his morning snack of apple sauce, wheat berries, and Gogurt, so take it away, Dick!
Thank you. Before I begin, I just want to express to Commissioner Kuhn how honored I am to be able to present the Week 16 starting lineups for the Arena Football League.
First, we have the Cyclones. Starting at Quarterback is Drew Barrymore, who is having a fantastic season for the San Diego Chargers. At Running Back are Pierre Thomas of the Saints and LaDainian Tomlinson who plays for the same high school team as Randy Moss and Michael Vick. I think it's Nike High. At Wide Reveiver are Robby White who I've never heard of and Larry Fitzsimmons, son of Cotton Fitzsimmons one of my all time favorite basketball coaches. The Tight End is Dallas Texas of the Colts. Kicking for this team is Rod Bironas of the Oilers and their Defense is the New York Titans.
For The Dragons, Kurt Warner of the Barnstormers will be at Quarterback. Brian Westbrook of the Eagles will be joined at Running Back by Buffalo's O.J. Simpson. At Wide Receiver will be someone who exudes humble, San Francisco's Terrell Owens. He will be joined there by Andre Ethier of the Oilers. Sammie Davis will be playing Tight End. Nate Newton of the Cowboys will do the Kicking and the Defense will be handled by the Steagles.
Quarterbacking for The Maestro will be the Colts' Peyton Manning. The Running Backs are Ronnie "Cadillac" Williams of the Dolphins and Drew Jones-Maurice of the Jaguars. Wait, that's a mistake, there's no team called the Jaguars. I think he plays for the Los Angeles Rams. And, so does Wide Receiver Steve Smith, who, it says here, plays for the Carolina Panthers. I'll have to talk to the Commissioner about all of these mistakes. Everybody knows there isn't a team in North Carolina. There isn't even a place called North Carolina. Anyway, the other receiver is Wes Chandler of the Chargers. Mike Ditka of the Cowboys is the Tight End, with Sebastian Janikowski doing the kicking and the Steagles playing the Defense.
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
Whoa, sorry, guys. I was busy reviewing paperwork and not paying attention. Meanwhile, Dick dozed off, with his nose landing right on the apostrophe key. His caregiver gave him a One-a-Day and a shot of liquid Geritol, and he looks perkier than ever. Back to you, Dick....
The Gnomies will be starting Brett Favre at Quarterback. Wow, this team must be up by about 10,000 points in the standings. I think that, as soon as this team drafted Brett Favre, the race for the championship was over. I remember calling a game back in 1946 between the Packers and the Browns at the old Cleveland Stadium. It was December and the temperature was 17-below zero with snow flurries coming off of the lake. The Browns were leading 13-3 with 12 minutes left in the game when Packers coach Red Auerbach replaced starting quarterback Reggie Jackson with a rookie named Brett Favre. Brett came in and threw not one, not two, but three touchdown passes, all to Jerry Rice, to win the game. That is one of my greatest memories. Right there with when I was married to Martha Washington.
I really like this next guy's name: The Dominator. His team starts Jay Johnstone, a great Putt-Putt announcer, at Quarterback. At Running Back are community leader Jamal Lewis of the Browns and Clinton Portis of the Redskins. You may not know this, but Portis is a certified genius who can almost recite the alphabet backwards! Not many people can do that, my friends. The Wide Receivers are Kate Moss, a lovely woman who in addition to modeling also finds time to play for the Redskins, and Anquan Randle El, who is one of the greatest talents to ever play for the St. Louis Cardinals, no offesne to Ozzie Osbourne or Albert Pujols who were also great Cardinals. Speedy Gonzalez is the undersized, but speedy, Tight End for the Chiefs. Garrett Hartley...wait a minute. That's a made up name. Who is really doing the kicking? Anyway, until we find out who is really kicking, I will tell you that the Dolphins will be the Defense.
Tony Roma will be playing Quarterback for Team STY. You may not know this, but he also makes a fantastic rack of ribs and has even founded a national restaurant chain. DeAngelo Williams of...I don't know who he plays for...it says here the Panthers, but we already went over that...anyway, he's playing Running Back with Joe Willie Namath of the Jets. Antonio Gates of the Chargers is the Tight End. Joe Montana of the Forty Niners is doing the Kicking and the New York Titans are the Defense.
And finally, for The Outlaws, Jesse James will be playing Quarterback, with Joaquin Murrieta and Jack "The Red" Almer at Tight End. Frank Kearney and his partner Dave Rudabaugh are the Wide Receivers. Russian Bill Tattenbaum is the Tight End, while Octoviano Telles will do the Kicking and the Clanton Gang plays Defense. I personally know a lot of these men, so I wish them the best.
Once again, I am honored to be given the opportunity to do this today. The best of luck to all of you. I'm Dick Stockton, signing off.
posted by Patrick Zalasky at 9:41 AM
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