Tuesday Review #15
Christmas trees are up, decorations have been hung, and Santa is in early preparations for his trip around the world. In other places, for people of other faiths, Hannakuh Harry is stocking up on the socks and underwear he will be giving out as gifts, while Ramadan Rahim is resting after delivering rocket propelled grenades and anti aircraft missiles to all of the kids in the Middle East during Ramadan. An apology for those of other faiths who might read this, I realize that some stereotypes are a little over the top. For instance, it is ignorant to think that Hannakuh Harry won't also be delivering ear muffs and mittens, too, to those kids in colder climates.
The last week of Autumn in the PPFFL brought the usual....no change at the top and a swap of 3rd place and 4th place. With only 2 weeks to go, it appears that the standings are set, with the exception of the battle between Plan Z and The Spongebobs for the honor of literally occupying "the middle of the pack". So much for drama and suspense.
Official Standings (Week 15):
Cyhawks 1,821.06 (78.12)
The Dominator 1,622.44 (125.39)
Plan Z 1,520.68 (140.28)
The Spongebobs 1,509.59 (74.34)
The Dragons 1,337.62 (72.69)
Mediocre is one of the words that comes to mind when surveying the Week 15 totals. Another is blah. Other than Plan Z setting their franchise high for points in a week and The Dominator finally seeing Peyton Manning get back on track, it was disco time, as the other 3 teams were in the 70s. The Cyhawks are obviously the Travolta of the group as they have been wildly successful in the past and likely will be again over the next couple of weeks (let's just hope that Ang's head doesn't double in size over the next decade, like Travolta's did between the time he was Barbarino and when he played Vincent in Pulp Fiction...was he rubbing flaxseed oil on his knees, too?). The Spongebobs, meanwhile, will likely play the role of the Average White Band, posting successes like "Play That Funky Music White Boy", but never actually making it all the way to the top. The Dragons, naturally, are the Rick Dees and Disco Duck characters in this analogy.
Speaking of The Dragons, they took hold of the "I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy Award" for Week 15. As of late Sunday afternoon, it looked like Plan Z would win it again due to their mismanagement of the QB position. Ron Mexico (41.54) had his best game of the season, while Tom Brady (26.78) stepped it up to at least be mediocre. Sunday night, though, it all changed. Phillip Rivers (-1.66) had only the second negative game of the season for an active PPFFL player in the San Diego victory over Kansas City. This was after Tony Romo (34.01), who incidentally was dumped by Jessica Simpson (explaining his solid performance), had a much better game on Saturday night. For that reason, and also because the dead guy from the 2002 World Series also performed better, The Dragons take home the award this week.
Scoring only about half of what they have been used to probably wasn't the way the Cyhawks wanted to see Week 15 unfold, but all is still well because of their insurmountable lead. This week, only the MVP (26.20) showed up and posted numbers that were familiar to our top team. Regular stalwarts Carson Palmer (9.07), Steve Smith (7.80), Ocho Cinco (4.90) and Antonio Gates (1.35) were nearly invisible. Throw out a fumbled punt by Indianapolis deep in Bengal territory and it's conceivable that Rudi Johnson (12.80) wouldn't have made it into the end zone last night. Weeks like this are much more tolerable when you have blown everyone out since Week 9 and are cruising to the finish line. On a side note, was the Sunday night game a precursor to the way San Diego will look in the playoffs? Schottenheimer can't possibly want to give Rivers too much responsibility if he is capable of looking like he did against the Chiefs. Are we liable to see Tomlinson handle the ball 35 or 40 times a game, just so there is no chance Rivers can screw things up with an untimely interception? Let's just say that Marty's track record suggests that it is awfully possible.
The Dominator must have been happy to see the Colt offense get back on track riding the right arm of Peyton Manning (55.64). The guy who first brought us the 50-point week hadn't had one in awhile, severly hampering The Big Guy's ability to make a run at Ang. Steven Jackson (21.35) was the only thing worth watching on offense in the Rams/Raiders display of slapping, scratching, and hair pulling. Willie Parker (15.60) once again had a nice day, meaning the Steelers won because Roethlisberger was busy handing off instead of throwing the ball to the other team. And, Adam Vinatieri (11.00) proved once again that he isn't some idiot kicker who gets liquored up and runs his mouth. The smart money says that he will be nailing the pressure kicks in the playoffs for the Colts and not missing them 40 yards to the right, like their previous guy, who couldn't even last a full season kicking for The Big Tuna.
Sliding up to 3rd this week, therefore destined for 4th next week, is Plan Z. Their franchise record week came mostly because they didn't have anyone that truly stunk. The ageless Marvin Harrison (30.30) was the star of the week. Many people were probably writing him off after some of his rough games this season, but Plan Z saw something in him and didn't give up hope that he would return to form (shame on those who called him an octogenarian or said he was ready for a retirement home). The Texans obviously failed to get film of the Patriots that had audio, meaning Tom Brady (26.78) was able to conduct his postgame interviews without whining and throwing out excuses for his less than Montana-esque play. Brunswick Jones-Drew (17.70) was his usual TD scoring self and Reggie Wayne (17.20) got Harrison's leftovers. Second to only the Rams' defense this week was New England (22.00), who bullied the Texans for 3-and-a-half hours. It's amazing that the recent Texans/Raiders game didn't end with a score of 4-2. Then again, offenses that crappy always give the defenses a chance to get into the end zone.
The Spongebobs were victimized this week by Drew Brees' (14.79) first bad week since they picked him up. Other than Frank Gore (21.90) and Javon Walker (15.20) there was nobody to pick up the slack. Gore sure is making a run to become part of the elite in the NFL. The guy runs so hard that it looks like defenses don't want to try to tackle him late in the game. If Alex Smith ever turned into a decent QB, Gore might run for 2,000 yards...assuming he doesn't blow out his knees, like he did in college. In another fantasy football statistical anomaly, the Bears defense (5.00) gave up 31 points to the anemic Bucs, but still scored points. And, in a sign that Bob was destined to fall to 4th this week, Nate Kaeding (8.00) was his team's 4th best scorer. If your kicker is in the top half of scorers, you're not going to be happy.
This week, there was no team that made a savvier move than The Dragons, who picked up the St. Louis defense (24.00) for their trip to Oakland. Great scouting means that, when confronted with the prospect of both Aaron Brooks and Andrew Walter playing, you have to acquire the opposing defense. Unfortunately for our Yolo County entry, their offensive players looked like they could have been playing for Oakland. We've already covered the Rivers disaster, but haven't yet mentioned Anquan Boldin (8.25), Kellen Winslow, Jr. (8.05), or T.J. Houshmanzadeh (6.45). Thomas Jones (13.20) was pretty good in the shootout at Soldier Field, but Deuce McAllister was pretty average (10.40) while the Saints struggled against Warshington. Two weeks to go, guys...just two more weeks.
Notes:
Christmas trees are up, decorations have been hung, and Santa is in early preparations for his trip around the world. In other places, for people of other faiths, Hannakuh Harry is stocking up on the socks and underwear he will be giving out as gifts, while Ramadan Rahim is resting after delivering rocket propelled grenades and anti aircraft missiles to all of the kids in the Middle East during Ramadan. An apology for those of other faiths who might read this, I realize that some stereotypes are a little over the top. For instance, it is ignorant to think that Hannakuh Harry won't also be delivering ear muffs and mittens, too, to those kids in colder climates.
The last week of Autumn in the PPFFL brought the usual....no change at the top and a swap of 3rd place and 4th place. With only 2 weeks to go, it appears that the standings are set, with the exception of the battle between Plan Z and The Spongebobs for the honor of literally occupying "the middle of the pack". So much for drama and suspense.
Official Standings (Week 15):
Cyhawks 1,821.06 (78.12)
The Dominator 1,622.44 (125.39)
Plan Z 1,520.68 (140.28)
The Spongebobs 1,509.59 (74.34)
The Dragons 1,337.62 (72.69)
Mediocre is one of the words that comes to mind when surveying the Week 15 totals. Another is blah. Other than Plan Z setting their franchise high for points in a week and The Dominator finally seeing Peyton Manning get back on track, it was disco time, as the other 3 teams were in the 70s. The Cyhawks are obviously the Travolta of the group as they have been wildly successful in the past and likely will be again over the next couple of weeks (let's just hope that Ang's head doesn't double in size over the next decade, like Travolta's did between the time he was Barbarino and when he played Vincent in Pulp Fiction...was he rubbing flaxseed oil on his knees, too?). The Spongebobs, meanwhile, will likely play the role of the Average White Band, posting successes like "Play That Funky Music White Boy", but never actually making it all the way to the top. The Dragons, naturally, are the Rick Dees and Disco Duck characters in this analogy.
Speaking of The Dragons, they took hold of the "I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy Award" for Week 15. As of late Sunday afternoon, it looked like Plan Z would win it again due to their mismanagement of the QB position. Ron Mexico (41.54) had his best game of the season, while Tom Brady (26.78) stepped it up to at least be mediocre. Sunday night, though, it all changed. Phillip Rivers (-1.66) had only the second negative game of the season for an active PPFFL player in the San Diego victory over Kansas City. This was after Tony Romo (34.01), who incidentally was dumped by Jessica Simpson (explaining his solid performance), had a much better game on Saturday night. For that reason, and also because the dead guy from the 2002 World Series also performed better, The Dragons take home the award this week.
Scoring only about half of what they have been used to probably wasn't the way the Cyhawks wanted to see Week 15 unfold, but all is still well because of their insurmountable lead. This week, only the MVP (26.20) showed up and posted numbers that were familiar to our top team. Regular stalwarts Carson Palmer (9.07), Steve Smith (7.80), Ocho Cinco (4.90) and Antonio Gates (1.35) were nearly invisible. Throw out a fumbled punt by Indianapolis deep in Bengal territory and it's conceivable that Rudi Johnson (12.80) wouldn't have made it into the end zone last night. Weeks like this are much more tolerable when you have blown everyone out since Week 9 and are cruising to the finish line. On a side note, was the Sunday night game a precursor to the way San Diego will look in the playoffs? Schottenheimer can't possibly want to give Rivers too much responsibility if he is capable of looking like he did against the Chiefs. Are we liable to see Tomlinson handle the ball 35 or 40 times a game, just so there is no chance Rivers can screw things up with an untimely interception? Let's just say that Marty's track record suggests that it is awfully possible.
The Dominator must have been happy to see the Colt offense get back on track riding the right arm of Peyton Manning (55.64). The guy who first brought us the 50-point week hadn't had one in awhile, severly hampering The Big Guy's ability to make a run at Ang. Steven Jackson (21.35) was the only thing worth watching on offense in the Rams/Raiders display of slapping, scratching, and hair pulling. Willie Parker (15.60) once again had a nice day, meaning the Steelers won because Roethlisberger was busy handing off instead of throwing the ball to the other team. And, Adam Vinatieri (11.00) proved once again that he isn't some idiot kicker who gets liquored up and runs his mouth. The smart money says that he will be nailing the pressure kicks in the playoffs for the Colts and not missing them 40 yards to the right, like their previous guy, who couldn't even last a full season kicking for The Big Tuna.
Sliding up to 3rd this week, therefore destined for 4th next week, is Plan Z. Their franchise record week came mostly because they didn't have anyone that truly stunk. The ageless Marvin Harrison (30.30) was the star of the week. Many people were probably writing him off after some of his rough games this season, but Plan Z saw something in him and didn't give up hope that he would return to form (shame on those who called him an octogenarian or said he was ready for a retirement home). The Texans obviously failed to get film of the Patriots that had audio, meaning Tom Brady (26.78) was able to conduct his postgame interviews without whining and throwing out excuses for his less than Montana-esque play. Brunswick Jones-Drew (17.70) was his usual TD scoring self and Reggie Wayne (17.20) got Harrison's leftovers. Second to only the Rams' defense this week was New England (22.00), who bullied the Texans for 3-and-a-half hours. It's amazing that the recent Texans/Raiders game didn't end with a score of 4-2. Then again, offenses that crappy always give the defenses a chance to get into the end zone.
The Spongebobs were victimized this week by Drew Brees' (14.79) first bad week since they picked him up. Other than Frank Gore (21.90) and Javon Walker (15.20) there was nobody to pick up the slack. Gore sure is making a run to become part of the elite in the NFL. The guy runs so hard that it looks like defenses don't want to try to tackle him late in the game. If Alex Smith ever turned into a decent QB, Gore might run for 2,000 yards...assuming he doesn't blow out his knees, like he did in college. In another fantasy football statistical anomaly, the Bears defense (5.00) gave up 31 points to the anemic Bucs, but still scored points. And, in a sign that Bob was destined to fall to 4th this week, Nate Kaeding (8.00) was his team's 4th best scorer. If your kicker is in the top half of scorers, you're not going to be happy.
This week, there was no team that made a savvier move than The Dragons, who picked up the St. Louis defense (24.00) for their trip to Oakland. Great scouting means that, when confronted with the prospect of both Aaron Brooks and Andrew Walter playing, you have to acquire the opposing defense. Unfortunately for our Yolo County entry, their offensive players looked like they could have been playing for Oakland. We've already covered the Rivers disaster, but haven't yet mentioned Anquan Boldin (8.25), Kellen Winslow, Jr. (8.05), or T.J. Houshmanzadeh (6.45). Thomas Jones (13.20) was pretty good in the shootout at Soldier Field, but Deuce McAllister was pretty average (10.40) while the Saints struggled against Warshington. Two weeks to go, guys...just two more weeks.
Notes:
- Get your rosters in, as the NFL Network has something on Thursday. It remains to be seen if it will actually be entertaining football.
- What's the deal with the NFLN using Cris Collinsworth as color commentator for the Thursday night game, but not for the Saturday night game? Does Bryant Gumbel have a clause in his contract stipulating that he can only work with someone once a week? Dick Vermiel is a good color guy, but trying to decifer what Coach, who obviousy was battling laryngitis, was trying to say wasn't the easiest thing in the world.
- The tidbit about Romo being dumped by his dimwitted celebrity girlfriend was coutesy of Traci. She keeps good track of celebrity hookups by religiously watching shows like "Entertainment Tonight", "Access Hollywood", "The Insider", and many others. Or, as she and many, many more people in America call them, The News.
That's it for today. Have a great week and a wonderful Christmas...or, if you feel like making a spectacle out of yourself go for broke and do something that Springer would be proud of. That's Jerry Springer the "talk show" host, not Russ, the crappy relief pitcher who has held a grudge against Barry Bonds for nearly a decade.
The Commish
posted by Patrick Zalasky at 8:46 AM
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