2007 Season in Review
The 2nd season of the PPFFL has come and gone and, just like the NFL, it got bigger and better than ever. Without further ado, here are some awards, occurrences, and general notes that should inform and entertain you....
2007 PPFFL MVP:
Tom Brady is the obvious choice for MVP. Let's face it, the award was locked up around Week 6 when he helped lay half-a-hundred on Dallas in the Stadium With a Hole in the Roof. From there, the numbers just kept multiplying as Bill Belichick focused on his quest to humiliate each and every team the Patriots faced. The Maestro very much appreciated Belichick's vengeance.
Draft Blunder(s) of the Year:
On a related note, this year's MVP was taken with the 8th pick of the draft in August, after the likes of Marc Bulger, Chad Johnson, Carson Palmer, Steven Jackson, and Reggie Bush. Now, Palmer and Jackson had good seasons last year, but in a league where QBs score a ton of points, how can Bush and Ocho Cinco come off of the Big Board before an elite QB that was given three #1 receivers in the offseason? It needs to be pointed out, however, that The Maestro drafted Drew Brees (who actually led the league in completions) before he tabbed Brady in Round 2.
Most Easily Distracted:
Having an elite quarterback at your disposal is a blessing that benefits only a handful of NFL coaches. How maddening can it be, then, for Wade Phillips to have the one guy whose brain completely shuts down every time he goes on a date with a blonde that's looking for a little publicity. Last season it was Carrie Underwood, followed by the Memo Paris of the NFL, Jessica Simpson who turned Tony Romo from a Pro Bowl caliber QB into a slobbering idiot. Romo was so messed up last year in the playoffs that he was not only brutal under center, but he couldn't even execute the hold on a chip shot FG that would have won a game the Cowboys had no business winning. This season, the single and clear headed Romo started off looking like the second coming of Roger Staubach. He played that way for most of the season, with the exception of one week, until he again hooked up with Ms. Simpson around Week 15. With her clad in a pink Romo jersey and sitting in the Texas Stadium luxury boxes, he stunk out loud in a game Dallas needed to win to lock up home field advantage thoughout the playoffs. After the game, T.O. pointed out what we already knew and have discussed in this space numerous times. Romo countered with the assertion that he had one bad game and dating a pop star on the express train to a theatre in Branson, MO wasn't the reason he was bad. That explanation held even less water when he looked worse in the season finale in Washington. Jerry Jones would be smart to have Texas Stadium security deny entrance to any blondes wearing pink Romo jerseys this week. Oh, and the one really crummy game Romo had before he hooked up with Daisy Duke version 2? Week 2 in Miami. Yeah, the women in Miami (at least the ones who can afford to go to a Dolphins game) are tan, blonde, and big bosomed. It's amazing Romo didn't miss any practice the following week with a strained neck.
GM of The Year (Measured by Volume):
For the second year in a row, Bob led the league in transactions. The strategy once again led to a next to last finish. This season, however, he wasn't straining to stay out of the cellar over the last couple of weeks (thanks to The Dominator). In what had to be a dizzying experience, over a 4 week period, The Outlaws waived Kansas City running back Larry Johnson, acquired him, waived him again, then acquired him again. All of this happened without Johnson ever being included in the starting lineup. He finally did get to play for The Outlaws a couple of weeks later, left the game with an injury, then was waived for good. The last month of the season was quiet for Bob on the free agent front and, coincidentally or not, was when he had his best weeks of the season, even mildly threatening to catch up to The Bouncers before Romo started bringing Jessica Simpson to games and killing any chance The Outlaws had to move into 4th place.
Draft Blunders (Part 2):
Randy Moss was drafted in the 7th round by The Maestro, after the following players had been taken: Shaun Alexander, Laverneaus Coles, Frank Gore, Calvin Johnson, Greg Olsen, Edgerrin James, and the defenses of Baltimore and San Diego. In case you missed it, Moss scored more TDs than those other players combined.
Brian Westbrook wasn't taken until Round 5. Others drafted a little late for their abilities were: Joseph Addai (9), Dallas Clark (10), Jason Witten (11), and Donlad Driver (11).
Among those not drafted were Plaxico Burress, Deuce McAllister, Brandon Jacobs, Brandon Marshall, Greg Jennings, and Eli Manning.
Those who had their names called on that August day (something we should all be ashamed of): Greg Olsen, Aaron Walker, Lorenzo Neal, Mike Bell, Byron Leftwich, Lee Evans, Jericho Cotchery, Darrell Jackson, and Alex Smith (the crappy QB, not the mediocre TE).
The Loyalty Award:
The Dominator proved to be the most loyal to his defense, as he seemed to play the Redskins unit through hell and high water. When giving up 52 points would have been enough for a fantasy owner to go looking for a new defense, The Dominator stuck with the 'Skins. The 'Skins played well over the last quarter of the season, showing why it was wise to have faith in them. The Dominator, though, didn't get to reap all of the benefits as one of Washington's best weeks of the season was in their season finale against Dallas, one week after The Dominator had dumped them in favor of Jacksonville. The 'Skins were like a jilted lover, showing The Dominator what they can do for a fake GM next year that won't be so willing to turn his back on them near the end of the season.
Stupid Pet Peeve:
Does anyone in the media know how to correctly pronounce the NFL's lead villian's name? Everyone and their brother says Bil-i-check, when it is actually Bel-i-chick. One of the worst offenders is local carrot top Grant Napear. It's amazing he can't get it right as he's a lifetime New York Giants fan and worships at the feet of Bill Parcells, the same guy who brought Belichick to the NFL. Then again, Grant is also the guy who thinks Philadelphia's starting QB is named Dunnavunn.
Rookies of the Year:
As they were the only first year team in the PPFFL, this award goes to The Bouncers. In all fairness, they did really well when you consider their combined ages don't come within 9 years of our next youngest owner. Their decision to play Heath Miller at TE over Jeremy Shockey for most of the season, though, was a curious one, until Shockey was injured and missed the last month of the season. As for the player who was the PPFFL Rookie of the Year, the obvious choice is Adrian Peterson.
Charlie Sheen's Favorite Games:
Here is a sample of the games shown in prime time to the whole nation (at least those with basic cable) on ESPN's Monday Night Football: Cards @ Niners, 'Skins @ Eagles, Titans @ Saints, Giants @ Falcons, Niners @ Seahawks, Titans @ Broncos, Dolphins @ Pittsburgh (the 3-0 game played in a monsoon), Saints @ Falcons, and, the game that nearly ended televised sports as we know it, Bears @ Vikings (featuring Kyle Orton and Tarvaris Jackson matching wits and throwing arms). It's hard enough to tune in early to watch Stu Scott, Steve Young, and Emmitt Smith incoherently tell you what is about to happen. It's even tougher when you know you could be spending the next 210 minutes watching Jay Cutler and Vince Young look like they are purpousely throwing with the wrong arm. How many times do we have to hear Ron Jaworski say, "That was one of the worst plays I've ever seen", only to have him say it again 5 minutes later? This year's Monday night schedule was a boon to the other networks, including CBS, which no doubt got better ratings than they expected for shows like "Three and a Half Men" due to the crappy games on ESPN.
Finishing Kick Award:
The award for finishing the season the best goes to The Dragons. Dave recovered from his last place finish in 2006 to overtake the Kellogg Krushers in the last couple of weeks this season. Riding the arm of Kurt Warner and the legs of Brian Westbrook, he put on the best final month in the PPFFL's brief history. It might have meant a whole lot more if 1st place hadn't been decided before the leaves started changing color.
Worst GM for a Week:
It wasn't all wine and roses for The Maestro. Just take a look at this lineup for Week 1: Tom Brady, Randy Moss, Adrian Peterson, Jason Witten....wait a minute, those are the guys who were on his bench in Week 1. Those guys sat in favor of the likes of Drew Brees (who was horrible), Darrell Jackson, and Jamal Lewis. Drafting the first group of guys was savvy, sitting them out in Week 1 to play the other guys was flat out stupid.
Least Valuable Player:
The unofficial title of the award is the Antwaan Randle El Award for Total Suckitude and it goes to the guy who gave the least but was seemingly played the most in the PPFFL. In the running were Washington's defense (as described above), Edgerrin James, Heath Miller, and Reggie Bush. This year we have to split the award in thirds, as it will be shared by three men who spent most of the season playing TE for The Dragons. Vernon Davis, Todd Heap and Alex Smith, step on up! It's amazing The Dragons finished where they did when you consider their starting tight ends spent most of the season sitting out with injuries or pretending they were invisible on the field. This marks the second straight year the winner came from The Dragons, meaning someone whose name is called by Dave on a warm August day in 2008 will be in for a frustrating NFL season.
Pillow Fight of the Year:
There were several candidates for this honor, most notably any AFC East game that didn't involve New England. The winner, though, didn't emerge until Week 17. Jets 13, Chiefs 10 in overtime. The Jets finished the season 4-12 by beating the 4-12 Chiefs on a 43 yard Mike Nugent field goal with 9:43 left in the extra period. Incredibly, 76,737 fans bought tickets to this game (hopefully most were smart enough to stay home). It is rumored that, following the coin toss for overtime, the Chiefs captains offered the Jets captains $1,000 apiece if they would just drive down the field, score, and put everyone out of their misery.
Primaries are a Waste of Time:
Do we really need to have all of these caucuses and primaries when it is obvious that America would be best served if Brett Favre handled the country's executive duties during the time when he isn't practicing, studying film, or setting records on the gridiron? Most of our sports media, notably Chris Berman, sure thinks so.
Let up a little Madden, will you?:
Shaun Alexander went from being NFL MVP to the cover of the Madden '06 video game to being one of the softest running backs in history. Since being MVP, Alexander is averaging less than 3.5 yards a carry and has taken the art of running for 2 yards then falling down to a new level.
If we can keep it scoreless until the 2-minute warning, we have a chance:
Did half of the NFL's offensive coordinators take a class geared toward keeping their offense from scoring? Some teams, like the Niners and Panthers, looked like they went out of their way not to score this year. As was stated in a weekly review earlier in the season, it was like Mike Nolan and his staff were on a quest to have the NFL return to the days of leather helmets and no forward passing (in all fairness to Nolan, he did have Alex Smith and Trent Dilfer under center most of the season).
Personal Feelings:
I have no prediction for the Super Bowl, although I will say that I am really hoping the Patriots lose before they can hoist the Lombardi Trophy amidst the falling confetti. Brady and Moss were the catalysts for my PPFFL title, but the relationship ends there. No segment of sports fans deserves to have winners less than the people of New England. They were once slightly annoying losers because their highly paid players always found a way to suck or choke in the playoffs. Now that the Red Sox and Patriots have won championships, New Englanders have become more annoying than any fan base ever. Where they used to complain about New York fans, they have become infinitely worse. Things were just fine when Boston's teams choked every year. If the Patriots win the Super Bowl and then, heaven forbid, the Celtics win the NBA title, the rest of the country won't be able to take it. W might have to launch a nuclear attack on the greater Boston area just to spare the rest of the country having to deal with the obnoxious chowderheads.
Looney Tunes:
No, this isn't a call to T.O. or Chad Johnson. This is the signal of the end of this summary and the end of another successful PPFFL season. Next season will be here before we know it. Until then, do great things....That's all, folks.
The Commish
The 2nd season of the PPFFL has come and gone and, just like the NFL, it got bigger and better than ever. Without further ado, here are some awards, occurrences, and general notes that should inform and entertain you....
2007 PPFFL MVP:
Tom Brady is the obvious choice for MVP. Let's face it, the award was locked up around Week 6 when he helped lay half-a-hundred on Dallas in the Stadium With a Hole in the Roof. From there, the numbers just kept multiplying as Bill Belichick focused on his quest to humiliate each and every team the Patriots faced. The Maestro very much appreciated Belichick's vengeance.
Draft Blunder(s) of the Year:
On a related note, this year's MVP was taken with the 8th pick of the draft in August, after the likes of Marc Bulger, Chad Johnson, Carson Palmer, Steven Jackson, and Reggie Bush. Now, Palmer and Jackson had good seasons last year, but in a league where QBs score a ton of points, how can Bush and Ocho Cinco come off of the Big Board before an elite QB that was given three #1 receivers in the offseason? It needs to be pointed out, however, that The Maestro drafted Drew Brees (who actually led the league in completions) before he tabbed Brady in Round 2.
Most Easily Distracted:
Having an elite quarterback at your disposal is a blessing that benefits only a handful of NFL coaches. How maddening can it be, then, for Wade Phillips to have the one guy whose brain completely shuts down every time he goes on a date with a blonde that's looking for a little publicity. Last season it was Carrie Underwood, followed by the Memo Paris of the NFL, Jessica Simpson who turned Tony Romo from a Pro Bowl caliber QB into a slobbering idiot. Romo was so messed up last year in the playoffs that he was not only brutal under center, but he couldn't even execute the hold on a chip shot FG that would have won a game the Cowboys had no business winning. This season, the single and clear headed Romo started off looking like the second coming of Roger Staubach. He played that way for most of the season, with the exception of one week, until he again hooked up with Ms. Simpson around Week 15. With her clad in a pink Romo jersey and sitting in the Texas Stadium luxury boxes, he stunk out loud in a game Dallas needed to win to lock up home field advantage thoughout the playoffs. After the game, T.O. pointed out what we already knew and have discussed in this space numerous times. Romo countered with the assertion that he had one bad game and dating a pop star on the express train to a theatre in Branson, MO wasn't the reason he was bad. That explanation held even less water when he looked worse in the season finale in Washington. Jerry Jones would be smart to have Texas Stadium security deny entrance to any blondes wearing pink Romo jerseys this week. Oh, and the one really crummy game Romo had before he hooked up with Daisy Duke version 2? Week 2 in Miami. Yeah, the women in Miami (at least the ones who can afford to go to a Dolphins game) are tan, blonde, and big bosomed. It's amazing Romo didn't miss any practice the following week with a strained neck.
GM of The Year (Measured by Volume):
For the second year in a row, Bob led the league in transactions. The strategy once again led to a next to last finish. This season, however, he wasn't straining to stay out of the cellar over the last couple of weeks (thanks to The Dominator). In what had to be a dizzying experience, over a 4 week period, The Outlaws waived Kansas City running back Larry Johnson, acquired him, waived him again, then acquired him again. All of this happened without Johnson ever being included in the starting lineup. He finally did get to play for The Outlaws a couple of weeks later, left the game with an injury, then was waived for good. The last month of the season was quiet for Bob on the free agent front and, coincidentally or not, was when he had his best weeks of the season, even mildly threatening to catch up to The Bouncers before Romo started bringing Jessica Simpson to games and killing any chance The Outlaws had to move into 4th place.
Draft Blunders (Part 2):
Randy Moss was drafted in the 7th round by The Maestro, after the following players had been taken: Shaun Alexander, Laverneaus Coles, Frank Gore, Calvin Johnson, Greg Olsen, Edgerrin James, and the defenses of Baltimore and San Diego. In case you missed it, Moss scored more TDs than those other players combined.
Brian Westbrook wasn't taken until Round 5. Others drafted a little late for their abilities were: Joseph Addai (9), Dallas Clark (10), Jason Witten (11), and Donlad Driver (11).
Among those not drafted were Plaxico Burress, Deuce McAllister, Brandon Jacobs, Brandon Marshall, Greg Jennings, and Eli Manning.
Those who had their names called on that August day (something we should all be ashamed of): Greg Olsen, Aaron Walker, Lorenzo Neal, Mike Bell, Byron Leftwich, Lee Evans, Jericho Cotchery, Darrell Jackson, and Alex Smith (the crappy QB, not the mediocre TE).
The Loyalty Award:
The Dominator proved to be the most loyal to his defense, as he seemed to play the Redskins unit through hell and high water. When giving up 52 points would have been enough for a fantasy owner to go looking for a new defense, The Dominator stuck with the 'Skins. The 'Skins played well over the last quarter of the season, showing why it was wise to have faith in them. The Dominator, though, didn't get to reap all of the benefits as one of Washington's best weeks of the season was in their season finale against Dallas, one week after The Dominator had dumped them in favor of Jacksonville. The 'Skins were like a jilted lover, showing The Dominator what they can do for a fake GM next year that won't be so willing to turn his back on them near the end of the season.
Stupid Pet Peeve:
Does anyone in the media know how to correctly pronounce the NFL's lead villian's name? Everyone and their brother says Bil-i-check, when it is actually Bel-i-chick. One of the worst offenders is local carrot top Grant Napear. It's amazing he can't get it right as he's a lifetime New York Giants fan and worships at the feet of Bill Parcells, the same guy who brought Belichick to the NFL. Then again, Grant is also the guy who thinks Philadelphia's starting QB is named Dunnavunn.
Rookies of the Year:
As they were the only first year team in the PPFFL, this award goes to The Bouncers. In all fairness, they did really well when you consider their combined ages don't come within 9 years of our next youngest owner. Their decision to play Heath Miller at TE over Jeremy Shockey for most of the season, though, was a curious one, until Shockey was injured and missed the last month of the season. As for the player who was the PPFFL Rookie of the Year, the obvious choice is Adrian Peterson.
Charlie Sheen's Favorite Games:
Here is a sample of the games shown in prime time to the whole nation (at least those with basic cable) on ESPN's Monday Night Football: Cards @ Niners, 'Skins @ Eagles, Titans @ Saints, Giants @ Falcons, Niners @ Seahawks, Titans @ Broncos, Dolphins @ Pittsburgh (the 3-0 game played in a monsoon), Saints @ Falcons, and, the game that nearly ended televised sports as we know it, Bears @ Vikings (featuring Kyle Orton and Tarvaris Jackson matching wits and throwing arms). It's hard enough to tune in early to watch Stu Scott, Steve Young, and Emmitt Smith incoherently tell you what is about to happen. It's even tougher when you know you could be spending the next 210 minutes watching Jay Cutler and Vince Young look like they are purpousely throwing with the wrong arm. How many times do we have to hear Ron Jaworski say, "That was one of the worst plays I've ever seen", only to have him say it again 5 minutes later? This year's Monday night schedule was a boon to the other networks, including CBS, which no doubt got better ratings than they expected for shows like "Three and a Half Men" due to the crappy games on ESPN.
Finishing Kick Award:
The award for finishing the season the best goes to The Dragons. Dave recovered from his last place finish in 2006 to overtake the Kellogg Krushers in the last couple of weeks this season. Riding the arm of Kurt Warner and the legs of Brian Westbrook, he put on the best final month in the PPFFL's brief history. It might have meant a whole lot more if 1st place hadn't been decided before the leaves started changing color.
Worst GM for a Week:
It wasn't all wine and roses for The Maestro. Just take a look at this lineup for Week 1: Tom Brady, Randy Moss, Adrian Peterson, Jason Witten....wait a minute, those are the guys who were on his bench in Week 1. Those guys sat in favor of the likes of Drew Brees (who was horrible), Darrell Jackson, and Jamal Lewis. Drafting the first group of guys was savvy, sitting them out in Week 1 to play the other guys was flat out stupid.
Least Valuable Player:
The unofficial title of the award is the Antwaan Randle El Award for Total Suckitude and it goes to the guy who gave the least but was seemingly played the most in the PPFFL. In the running were Washington's defense (as described above), Edgerrin James, Heath Miller, and Reggie Bush. This year we have to split the award in thirds, as it will be shared by three men who spent most of the season playing TE for The Dragons. Vernon Davis, Todd Heap and Alex Smith, step on up! It's amazing The Dragons finished where they did when you consider their starting tight ends spent most of the season sitting out with injuries or pretending they were invisible on the field. This marks the second straight year the winner came from The Dragons, meaning someone whose name is called by Dave on a warm August day in 2008 will be in for a frustrating NFL season.
Pillow Fight of the Year:
There were several candidates for this honor, most notably any AFC East game that didn't involve New England. The winner, though, didn't emerge until Week 17. Jets 13, Chiefs 10 in overtime. The Jets finished the season 4-12 by beating the 4-12 Chiefs on a 43 yard Mike Nugent field goal with 9:43 left in the extra period. Incredibly, 76,737 fans bought tickets to this game (hopefully most were smart enough to stay home). It is rumored that, following the coin toss for overtime, the Chiefs captains offered the Jets captains $1,000 apiece if they would just drive down the field, score, and put everyone out of their misery.
Primaries are a Waste of Time:
Do we really need to have all of these caucuses and primaries when it is obvious that America would be best served if Brett Favre handled the country's executive duties during the time when he isn't practicing, studying film, or setting records on the gridiron? Most of our sports media, notably Chris Berman, sure thinks so.
Let up a little Madden, will you?:
Shaun Alexander went from being NFL MVP to the cover of the Madden '06 video game to being one of the softest running backs in history. Since being MVP, Alexander is averaging less than 3.5 yards a carry and has taken the art of running for 2 yards then falling down to a new level.
If we can keep it scoreless until the 2-minute warning, we have a chance:
Did half of the NFL's offensive coordinators take a class geared toward keeping their offense from scoring? Some teams, like the Niners and Panthers, looked like they went out of their way not to score this year. As was stated in a weekly review earlier in the season, it was like Mike Nolan and his staff were on a quest to have the NFL return to the days of leather helmets and no forward passing (in all fairness to Nolan, he did have Alex Smith and Trent Dilfer under center most of the season).
Personal Feelings:
I have no prediction for the Super Bowl, although I will say that I am really hoping the Patriots lose before they can hoist the Lombardi Trophy amidst the falling confetti. Brady and Moss were the catalysts for my PPFFL title, but the relationship ends there. No segment of sports fans deserves to have winners less than the people of New England. They were once slightly annoying losers because their highly paid players always found a way to suck or choke in the playoffs. Now that the Red Sox and Patriots have won championships, New Englanders have become more annoying than any fan base ever. Where they used to complain about New York fans, they have become infinitely worse. Things were just fine when Boston's teams choked every year. If the Patriots win the Super Bowl and then, heaven forbid, the Celtics win the NBA title, the rest of the country won't be able to take it. W might have to launch a nuclear attack on the greater Boston area just to spare the rest of the country having to deal with the obnoxious chowderheads.
Looney Tunes:
No, this isn't a call to T.O. or Chad Johnson. This is the signal of the end of this summary and the end of another successful PPFFL season. Next season will be here before we know it. Until then, do great things....That's all, folks.
The Commish
posted by Patrick Zalasky at 9:41 AM
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