Tuesday Review v4.16
It's been awhile, gentlemen and for that I apologize. Nearly a month has passed since the last information was posted on this fake football site, but that doesn't mean you all haven't been in the thoughts of those slaving away in the league office. The time has come, though, to get back to posting on the things happening in our league, the NFL, and sports as a whole.
Fortunately for me, and unfortunately for some of you, the standings have changed very little, if at all, since the last time anything was posted publicly. It is a very real possibility that we will be having our first two time league champion, and back-to-back champions, at that. The Cyclones have made a strong December push and have all but assured themselves another PPFFL championship. There will be some drama in Week 17 as to who will finish in what places behind them, as The Maestro is on the heels of The Big Ragu in the chase for 2nd place; Team STY and The Outlaws are battling for 4th place; and The Dragons are drawing a bead on the Gnomies in their quest to rise out of the cellar before the season ends.
Official Standings:
Cyclones 1,927.79
The Big Ragu 1,860.44
The Maestro 1,837.74
Team STY 1,688.20
The Outlaws 1,679.10
The Dominator 1,648.44
Gnomies 1,463.92
The Dragons 1,423.17
The "I Sure Wish I Played That Guy" Award for the past few weeks goes to everyone in the league. Since the last time information was posted here, Brandon Marshall has gone berzerk, in a good way, including his 21 reception game against the Colts. He accomplished that while being on the roster of....nobody. Granted, the guy went berzerk in a bad way during training camp and got suspended. Still, once he returned he was the receiver of choice for Kyle Orton, particularly on that day in Indy. For such astute running of your fake teams (myself included), the "ISWIWHPTG" Award for December collectively goes to all of us. We should be really proud of ourselves.
The Cyclones have positioned themselves to be our first two-time and repeat champions on the arm of Peyton Manning, the last pick in the first round of our draft in August. The Colts run toward an undefeated season was just the tonic to keep Peyton on the field and putting up stats to help the owners of the fake teams he is on. Enter Colts management and coach Jim Caldwell to put a damper on the run to finish 19-0. They laid down in the second half in Week 16 against the Jets (of all teams) and took the gas pipe for the first time all season. Caldwell explained that he didn't want any of his key players, in particular Manning, to get hurt, as well as give them a little time off so they can be fresh for the playoffs. Really? Manning hasn't suffered a significant injury his whole career (his o-linemen rarely allow him to be hit). As for time off, the week off while the wild card games are played isn't enough? Caldwell better watch out, because his players might be complaining about not getting enough work down the stretch of the season after they lose at home in the playoffs.
The PPFFL Newcomer of the Year is going to be The Big Ragu. He will edge out......nobody for this award, since he's the only newcomer this season. It was a big year for him, though, as the Patriot offense bolstered him while also disappointing him. The Pats weren't as potent as they were when they were stealing defensive signals from all of their opponents, but they were still tough to stop. Much discussion has ensued about the "inconsistency" of Tom Brady. Some think he may have lost his touch a little. Some think the absence of a solid running game has hurt. Some point to Randy Moss and his tanking plays as the problem. And, some argue that coming back from major knee surgery takes more than a year and that Brady should be back to his record setting ways next season. I say that the schedule, and the AFC East in particular, has finally caught up to the Patriots. Their division used to be the worst in the league, as the Jets, Dolphins, and Bills all were at some point during the '00s one of the worst teams in the league. There have been years when two of them have danced with the dregs of the league. Not so this season, as the Jets and Fish have both been respectable. The rest of the schedule has also caught up with New England. Early in the century, they played four consecutive regular season games against Indianapolis, all victories. That trend has shifted, as Indy has hosted most of their games as of late and has won four straight. The only season they haven't beaten the Pats recently? The 2007 season, when the Patriots went undefeated and the teams didn't play.
The Maestro has been pretty consistent all season, and has an outside chance to finish in second place for the second year in a row. Aaron Rodgers has emerged as an elite QB in the NFL, carrying his real team into the playoffs for the first time since Our Favre threw away the 2008 NFC Champinship game on the frozen tundra against the Giants. Wes Welker has also been a mainstay on this fake team, as his 122 catches in 13 games have been astounding. With all of those grabs, though, he has only scored 4 touchdowns. What can this be attributed to? My guess is the neverending quest to keep Randy Moss from melting down and doing something he, the Patriots, Roger Goodell, and traffic cops everywhere will regret. You see, catches that keep drives alive and gain tough yardage aren't attention getters. Touchdowns, though, are what makes everybody jump to their feet and praise the football gods for granting them such great fortune. To keep Randy pacified, Tom Brady makes sure he looks his way in the red zone. Affording Randy a "Look at Me!" moment or two each week keeps him happy, while Welker does all of the hard work and keeps the offense humming (while Randy oftentimes quits on routes and refuses to go over the middle).
Battling to finish in the top half of the league standings is Team STY. Drew Brees has carried the load all season long, even through the struggles of the last two weeks. The loss to Dallas was something that could have been predicted. A team that isn't used to such success late into the season walked into the house of a good team that had been beaten down for a whole week over one loss. The Cowboys came out motivated and basically dominated the game. Many expected the Saints to bounce back, especially against the Bucs, who had barely been better than the Rams all season. The Saints jumped out to an early 17-0 lead, but obviously let up as they let the Bucs score the last 20 points of the game (thanks mostly to Garrett Hartley honking a chip shot at the end of regulation). Sean Payton better right the ship heading into the playoffs, because the best season in Saints history will quickly be buried under a wave of criticism if they don't at least host the NFC Championship game.
The St. Louis Browns of our league (look them up sometime for reference) are having a season to remember, and might even finish in the first division. The Outlaws have shaken off three seasons of frustration to make a run at levels heretofore unknown to them. It has been an effort punctuated by stability and togetherness. A franchise that was once eager to add every player who had a good week (see also: Browns, St. Louis), is now seeing the fruits of draftng a team and sticking with it for the long haul. No more "Larry Johnson Express" for these guys. The ageless Kurt Warner (surprise - a QB is leading the way) has been the leader of this team all season. Unfortunately for his fake team, he will likely be used sparingly in Week 17, as the Cardinals' fate has already been sealed. With Warner being a tad bit injury prone, coach Whisenhunt will likely sit him early in the season finale. They're playing the inconsistent defense of Green Bay, though, so a 300-yard, 4 TD first half is not out of the question for the pride of Northern Iowa and the Hy-Vee.
Making their own run at the first division is The Dominator. He's been lying in obscurity most of the season, stuck in the middle of the standings, but has recently started to close the gap on the teams in front of him. Obscure is the key word, as Matt Schaub, the most obscure of all top QBs has been leading the way. Let's face it, when you're playing for a team who is the reincarnate of a team that played in another city, and has uniforms that look like they belong in the Arena League, you're going to be obscured a bit from the rest of the league. Week 17 really looks to be a battle royal between this team and the two directly in front, as only 40 points separate them. With the uncertainty surrounding how much playing time the key guys on solid playoff teams will receive, anything can happen. Meaning, our fake season has come down to trying to generate interest over which team is going to finish in 4th place. Well done, gentlemen.
The leaders at the end of Week 1 are now trying to avoid finishing in last place. The Gnomies have fallen about as far as you can over the course of a season. This team has epitomized the fact that every league needs someone who looks good on paper, but fails to deliver on the field. Or, on the computer, as is our case. Whatever the case, top pick Adrian Peterson has performed well below expectations, even with the solid numbers he's putting up. The forays into the end zone just haven't been as frequent as expected and his penchant for putting the ball on the turf has been more prevelant this year than it was last. Credit the former to Our Favre, who likes to gunsling in the red zone instead of ramming the ball right at the defense with the best (arguably) back in football. Cut him some slack, though. He's closing in on 500 career TD passes. If he really does burn bridges with Brad Childress this season and isn't welcomed back in Minnesota, he'll need some impressive stats to show prospective employers that he can still get it done. How else will he reach such a magical number?
Trying desperately to remove themselves from the cellar are The Dragons. A late season surge has at least brought them to within striking distance of 7th place. Forty points is tough to make up in any week, but Week 17 carries with it a lot of uncertainty, so it can be done. The negative tone was set early for this team, as mainstay Brian Westbrook was knocked out early and often during the season. The rest of the team staggered through weeks like they were all nursing concussions. Dunnavunn McNabb did everything he could to help his fake team, but with only DeSean Jackson to help him stretch the defense, the Eagles relied on a quick score, then let the defense hold on strategy most of the season. That doesn't always bode well for fake teams, who need their QBs to throw a lot and put up big numbers. The Eagles are playing Dallas for the NFC East title this weekend, so there is a solid chance that Dunnavunn will be airing it out early and often, especially if Tony Romo keeps playing well and putting points on the board for Dallas. Watch out, though, for attractive blondes wearing pink Romo jerseys to the game. If there are too many of them, Tony's attention will likely be diverted to the stands and the Eagles will knock Dallas out early, as they did in last season's 44-6 shellacking. That was the game after which Romo allegedly collapsed in the shower and T.O. burst into tears during his postgame interview. Fortunately, he was wearing his Lazy Town rain gear, keeping his expensive threads underneath safe from the torrent of tears.
Notes:
It's been awhile, gentlemen and for that I apologize. Nearly a month has passed since the last information was posted on this fake football site, but that doesn't mean you all haven't been in the thoughts of those slaving away in the league office. The time has come, though, to get back to posting on the things happening in our league, the NFL, and sports as a whole.
Fortunately for me, and unfortunately for some of you, the standings have changed very little, if at all, since the last time anything was posted publicly. It is a very real possibility that we will be having our first two time league champion, and back-to-back champions, at that. The Cyclones have made a strong December push and have all but assured themselves another PPFFL championship. There will be some drama in Week 17 as to who will finish in what places behind them, as The Maestro is on the heels of The Big Ragu in the chase for 2nd place; Team STY and The Outlaws are battling for 4th place; and The Dragons are drawing a bead on the Gnomies in their quest to rise out of the cellar before the season ends.
Official Standings:
Cyclones 1,927.79
The Big Ragu 1,860.44
The Maestro 1,837.74
Team STY 1,688.20
The Outlaws 1,679.10
The Dominator 1,648.44
Gnomies 1,463.92
The Dragons 1,423.17
The "I Sure Wish I Played That Guy" Award for the past few weeks goes to everyone in the league. Since the last time information was posted here, Brandon Marshall has gone berzerk, in a good way, including his 21 reception game against the Colts. He accomplished that while being on the roster of....nobody. Granted, the guy went berzerk in a bad way during training camp and got suspended. Still, once he returned he was the receiver of choice for Kyle Orton, particularly on that day in Indy. For such astute running of your fake teams (myself included), the "ISWIWHPTG" Award for December collectively goes to all of us. We should be really proud of ourselves.
The Cyclones have positioned themselves to be our first two-time and repeat champions on the arm of Peyton Manning, the last pick in the first round of our draft in August. The Colts run toward an undefeated season was just the tonic to keep Peyton on the field and putting up stats to help the owners of the fake teams he is on. Enter Colts management and coach Jim Caldwell to put a damper on the run to finish 19-0. They laid down in the second half in Week 16 against the Jets (of all teams) and took the gas pipe for the first time all season. Caldwell explained that he didn't want any of his key players, in particular Manning, to get hurt, as well as give them a little time off so they can be fresh for the playoffs. Really? Manning hasn't suffered a significant injury his whole career (his o-linemen rarely allow him to be hit). As for time off, the week off while the wild card games are played isn't enough? Caldwell better watch out, because his players might be complaining about not getting enough work down the stretch of the season after they lose at home in the playoffs.
The PPFFL Newcomer of the Year is going to be The Big Ragu. He will edge out......nobody for this award, since he's the only newcomer this season. It was a big year for him, though, as the Patriot offense bolstered him while also disappointing him. The Pats weren't as potent as they were when they were stealing defensive signals from all of their opponents, but they were still tough to stop. Much discussion has ensued about the "inconsistency" of Tom Brady. Some think he may have lost his touch a little. Some think the absence of a solid running game has hurt. Some point to Randy Moss and his tanking plays as the problem. And, some argue that coming back from major knee surgery takes more than a year and that Brady should be back to his record setting ways next season. I say that the schedule, and the AFC East in particular, has finally caught up to the Patriots. Their division used to be the worst in the league, as the Jets, Dolphins, and Bills all were at some point during the '00s one of the worst teams in the league. There have been years when two of them have danced with the dregs of the league. Not so this season, as the Jets and Fish have both been respectable. The rest of the schedule has also caught up with New England. Early in the century, they played four consecutive regular season games against Indianapolis, all victories. That trend has shifted, as Indy has hosted most of their games as of late and has won four straight. The only season they haven't beaten the Pats recently? The 2007 season, when the Patriots went undefeated and the teams didn't play.
The Maestro has been pretty consistent all season, and has an outside chance to finish in second place for the second year in a row. Aaron Rodgers has emerged as an elite QB in the NFL, carrying his real team into the playoffs for the first time since Our Favre threw away the 2008 NFC Champinship game on the frozen tundra against the Giants. Wes Welker has also been a mainstay on this fake team, as his 122 catches in 13 games have been astounding. With all of those grabs, though, he has only scored 4 touchdowns. What can this be attributed to? My guess is the neverending quest to keep Randy Moss from melting down and doing something he, the Patriots, Roger Goodell, and traffic cops everywhere will regret. You see, catches that keep drives alive and gain tough yardage aren't attention getters. Touchdowns, though, are what makes everybody jump to their feet and praise the football gods for granting them such great fortune. To keep Randy pacified, Tom Brady makes sure he looks his way in the red zone. Affording Randy a "Look at Me!" moment or two each week keeps him happy, while Welker does all of the hard work and keeps the offense humming (while Randy oftentimes quits on routes and refuses to go over the middle).
Battling to finish in the top half of the league standings is Team STY. Drew Brees has carried the load all season long, even through the struggles of the last two weeks. The loss to Dallas was something that could have been predicted. A team that isn't used to such success late into the season walked into the house of a good team that had been beaten down for a whole week over one loss. The Cowboys came out motivated and basically dominated the game. Many expected the Saints to bounce back, especially against the Bucs, who had barely been better than the Rams all season. The Saints jumped out to an early 17-0 lead, but obviously let up as they let the Bucs score the last 20 points of the game (thanks mostly to Garrett Hartley honking a chip shot at the end of regulation). Sean Payton better right the ship heading into the playoffs, because the best season in Saints history will quickly be buried under a wave of criticism if they don't at least host the NFC Championship game.
The St. Louis Browns of our league (look them up sometime for reference) are having a season to remember, and might even finish in the first division. The Outlaws have shaken off three seasons of frustration to make a run at levels heretofore unknown to them. It has been an effort punctuated by stability and togetherness. A franchise that was once eager to add every player who had a good week (see also: Browns, St. Louis), is now seeing the fruits of draftng a team and sticking with it for the long haul. No more "Larry Johnson Express" for these guys. The ageless Kurt Warner (surprise - a QB is leading the way) has been the leader of this team all season. Unfortunately for his fake team, he will likely be used sparingly in Week 17, as the Cardinals' fate has already been sealed. With Warner being a tad bit injury prone, coach Whisenhunt will likely sit him early in the season finale. They're playing the inconsistent defense of Green Bay, though, so a 300-yard, 4 TD first half is not out of the question for the pride of Northern Iowa and the Hy-Vee.
Making their own run at the first division is The Dominator. He's been lying in obscurity most of the season, stuck in the middle of the standings, but has recently started to close the gap on the teams in front of him. Obscure is the key word, as Matt Schaub, the most obscure of all top QBs has been leading the way. Let's face it, when you're playing for a team who is the reincarnate of a team that played in another city, and has uniforms that look like they belong in the Arena League, you're going to be obscured a bit from the rest of the league. Week 17 really looks to be a battle royal between this team and the two directly in front, as only 40 points separate them. With the uncertainty surrounding how much playing time the key guys on solid playoff teams will receive, anything can happen. Meaning, our fake season has come down to trying to generate interest over which team is going to finish in 4th place. Well done, gentlemen.
The leaders at the end of Week 1 are now trying to avoid finishing in last place. The Gnomies have fallen about as far as you can over the course of a season. This team has epitomized the fact that every league needs someone who looks good on paper, but fails to deliver on the field. Or, on the computer, as is our case. Whatever the case, top pick Adrian Peterson has performed well below expectations, even with the solid numbers he's putting up. The forays into the end zone just haven't been as frequent as expected and his penchant for putting the ball on the turf has been more prevelant this year than it was last. Credit the former to Our Favre, who likes to gunsling in the red zone instead of ramming the ball right at the defense with the best (arguably) back in football. Cut him some slack, though. He's closing in on 500 career TD passes. If he really does burn bridges with Brad Childress this season and isn't welcomed back in Minnesota, he'll need some impressive stats to show prospective employers that he can still get it done. How else will he reach such a magical number?
Trying desperately to remove themselves from the cellar are The Dragons. A late season surge has at least brought them to within striking distance of 7th place. Forty points is tough to make up in any week, but Week 17 carries with it a lot of uncertainty, so it can be done. The negative tone was set early for this team, as mainstay Brian Westbrook was knocked out early and often during the season. The rest of the team staggered through weeks like they were all nursing concussions. Dunnavunn McNabb did everything he could to help his fake team, but with only DeSean Jackson to help him stretch the defense, the Eagles relied on a quick score, then let the defense hold on strategy most of the season. That doesn't always bode well for fake teams, who need their QBs to throw a lot and put up big numbers. The Eagles are playing Dallas for the NFC East title this weekend, so there is a solid chance that Dunnavunn will be airing it out early and often, especially if Tony Romo keeps playing well and putting points on the board for Dallas. Watch out, though, for attractive blondes wearing pink Romo jerseys to the game. If there are too many of them, Tony's attention will likely be diverted to the stands and the Eagles will knock Dallas out early, as they did in last season's 44-6 shellacking. That was the game after which Romo allegedly collapsed in the shower and T.O. burst into tears during his postgame interview. Fortunately, he was wearing his Lazy Town rain gear, keeping his expensive threads underneath safe from the torrent of tears.
Notes:
- Many congrats to SeaBass for booting the 61 yarder at the end of the first half in Oakland's game in Cleveland. In a decade short on highlights (with the exception of the 2002 Super Bowl team), SeaBass and Shane Lechler have given Raider fans something to be proud of. If your team's offense is going to lead to close to a dozen punts each week and its best scoring opportunities will be field goal attempts in excess of 45 yards, it's comforting to know you have the best punter of all time and one of football's best kickers.
- Now, if only Tom Cable would let SeaBass have a shot at a 70-yarder early in the season in Denver or anytime in a dome. He's the guy who is currently the most capable of shattering that barrier.
- Peaches Napear is becoming a running joke among the anchors on ESPN for his outlandish outbursts whenever the Kings do something well. His orders to sell tickets on air seems to have led to even more spastic outbursts this season, even if you account for the increased success of the team and their penchant for playing exciting, down to the wire games. Peaches was most mocked for his screaming about Tyreke Evans' game winning shot in Milwaukee. The reaction didn't much match the atmosphere in the arena, where the place was less than half full and those in attendance were rueing the fact that the game was almost over and they would soon be trudging to their cars in -34 degree wind chill.
- Hand it to Peaches, though, for landing a substitute gig on Jim Rome's radio show. He really punked Jim Caldwell for his decision to sit his starters midway through the 3rd quarter against the Jets. Too bad he knows little about anything besides what happened during the previous 24 hours, the Kings, and New York Giants football. It didn't matter, though, because once the typical idiots who usually call Rome's show heard there was a sub behind the mic, they all turned off the radio and went back to coloring in their coloring books.
- Sticking with Sacramento radio personalities, Mike Lamb's Sunday football show for Fox Sports Radio is now broadcast on KHTK. For a couple of weeks, I was under the impression he was doing the show for KHTK, as his co-host sounded just like the other young, moronic, dips that fill in during down time on the station (and that's not including the captain of the morons, the mush-mouthed Carmichael Dave). I realized the show was broadcast from the Southland when the eye-candy traffic/news chick (maybe the show is simulcast on TV somewhere - in which case the lighting much be set up just right to keep Lamb's immense shadow from obscuing everyone) came on to talk about Christmas plans with her family. Anyway, Lamb, being the guy that he is, doesn't stray from saying a bunch of stuff that means nothing, while maintaining the innate ability to argue with himself....without pausing to begin another sentence.
- If you don't like this, you don't like fake football reviews written for fewer than 10 people to read! Sorry, Peaches can be contagious....like polio, SARS, or H1N1.
- To all of you Laker fans out there, particularly those who bought tickets to last Saturday's Kings/Lakers game at Arco: you have passed Boston fans in the lead to be the most obnoxious in all American sports. Once Kobe's skills recede, assuming the commissioner doesn't force other teams to follow the NBA's unwritten rules and trade their stars to LA for nothing in return, you'll probably feel a little guilt when you hop off of the Laker bandwagon and start rooting for whoever is atop the league. Or, maybe you'll lose interest in basketball and simply go back to filling up your cases of coloring books.
That's all for this week. A full review of the season will follow at some point following the action of Week 17, wherein our league champion will officially be crowned.
Do great things.....
The Commish
posted by Patrick Zalasky at 8:52 AM
1 comments
