Tuesday Review v2.8

There was no change in the standings this week, but, for the first time since Week 2, someone outscored The Maestro. In fact, a pair of teams scored more than our league leader as the Kellogg Krushers and The Bouncers were doing the Lambeau Leap in their living rooms as Brett Favre and Greg Jennings were leading the Packers to victory in Denver last night.

Current Standings (Week 8):
The Maestro 1,093.82 (110.07)
Kellogg Krushers 973.44 (115.82)
The Dragons 854.49 (107.06)
The Bouncers 828.29 (111.15)
The Outlaws 767.37 (88.00)
The Dominator 738.85 (102.21)

The Maestro reclaimed the "I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy" Award. Left on the bench in Week 8 was Joseph Addai (28.45), while the former wunderkinds Adrian Peterson (4.05) and Maurice Jones-Drew (5.10) were acting like they played for the 'Niners. Runner-up for the award was The Dragons, who mysteriously left Brian Westbrook (20.60) on the bench in favor of Frank Gore (3.05), who plays in an offense so basic and bland that vanilla is accusing Mike Nolan and Jim Hostler of giving it a bad name.

Bill Belichick's season long quest to unmercifully run up the score on every opponent the Patriots face is the only thing that kept The Maestro from suffering a free-fall this week. Tom Brady (62.32) got to pad his stats against another overmatched team well into the 2nd half of a game that was decided before some people on the West Coast rolled out of bed on Sunday morning. Tennessee's defense (13.00) was the next best scorer for the week (big surprise, until you consider they were playing the Raiders), which, as we've discussed before, is not a good thing. Let's amend that rule to say, "Having your defense be one of your top scorers isn't good unless you score over 150 points for the week, your defense scored over 20 points, or your superstar quarterback plays deep into blowouts as a way to pad his stats and make a statement to the rest of the league that stood by innocently when it was revealed that the team he plays for blatantly cheated."

My country 'tis of thee, isn't it great to see Brett Favre (39.22) having so much fun on Monday Night Football? It sure was for the Kellogg Krushers, as they rode America to the top scoring week in the PPFFL. Joining the party were the New England defense (21.00) and Wes Welker (19.45), who both took part in the game whose video will be distributed to every coach in a BCS conference as a tutorial on how to score points with the computers while giving your school a viable Heisman Trophy candidate. Reggie Bush (12.65) got the requisite numbers against one of our two brutal teams here in Northern California. And, Steven Jackson (10.50), once a fantasy superstar, is rumored to be close to shutting things down for the season with a bad back. That proves one of two things: Either Jackson is a front runner and is tired of being associated with a team that is nearly halfway to losing every game this season; or, it might be important to show up to and participate in training camp instead of holding out and whining about not being paid enough money.

Solidly in the massive gap called the middle of the league are The Dragons. Dunnavunn McNabb (32.81) led the way as he usually does, and was joined in excellence by Marques Colston (28.25) and Reggie Wayne (24.40). Goodness! You would have thought that The Dragons' wide receivers were suiting up for the Patriots. Turns out one was catching passes thrown by one of the best QBs of all time, and the other was playing against the 'Niners. It hasn't been confirmed on film yet, but it looks like Mike Nolan has gone back to last year's defensive strategy on playing with fewer than 11 players. Drew Brees was quoted Sunday evening as saying, "Granted I went to Purdue and majored in General Studies, but I swear I only counted 7 or 8 guys on their defense a few times." The sad thing is that Nolan has apparently also begun using this strategy with his offense, too.

The Bouncers turned in a solid week, once again proving that you don't need to know Algebra to be the successful owner of a fake football team. Leading the charge was the San Diego defense (27.00) in what was a pretty big week for defense...well, except for one team (more on that below). Also looking good were Greg Jennings (22.05) and T.J. Houshmanzadeh (17.05), while Peyton Manning (23.10) was good, but had a coach with the dignity to sit him down in a blowout, costing him the chance to pad his stats. Being a good guy and not humiliating your opponent may be a ticket to Heaven, but it's not good for the people who picked your players for their fake teams. If karma is real and there is a meteroite zooming toward the roof of the RCA Dome on Sunday afternoon, it will likely crash through the roof and land on the New England sideline, bringing joy to many. Those that loathe the Patriots will be delighted to see many casualties among the players they have grown to hate, and the people of Indianapolis will be ecstatic at the legitimate reason for building a new stadium.

As the only team to fall short of 100 points in Week 8, The Outlaws will undoubtedly spring a flurry of roster activity upon us for Week 9. There is a running joke in the PPFFL offices that any player who breaks a decent run, catches a couple of passes, or scores a touchdown will be playing for The Outlaws the following week. It's kind of like day trading in football players. Anyhow, had it not been for the Pittsburgh/Cincinnati game on Sunday, this may have resembled The Dominator's Week 7. Carson Palmer (29.20) and Willie Parker (17.70) were joined in double figures by only Chris Cooley (10.55). Cooley, by the way, was the lucky recipient of the mercy TD that New England allowed Washington to score. In what threw some fantasy league computers into a tizzy, the stats from the Miami/New York Giants game in London were adjusted for the exchange rate when transferred across the pond. The PPFFL server was able to convert the stats to US numbers, however, so the Giants defense still only scored 9.00 points this week.

Cracking the century mark for the first time in awhile was The Dominator. At the beginning of the season, we would have all had a hearty laugh if someone said they were going to build their team around the Browns duo of Derek Anderson (37.41) and Braylon Edwards (28.85). Well, we're not laughing now. And, if The Dominator ever gets out of last place, we might really be impressed with his personnel management. The big blunder this week was sticking with the defense of the Redskins (-1.00). I guess you could rationalize that New England has to slip up sometime, that they can't continue to score 50 on everyone. That being said, the Washington defense isn't quite on the same level of the '86 Bears, who would still probably give up four touchdowns to the Patriots.

Notes:

• Order of transactions is the same as last week.
• The World Series has ended and has given us more to hate about people from New England, but also blessed us with the wisdom of Tim McCarver. To wit: In game 3, shortly after Matt Holliday homered to bring the Rockies within 6-5, Brad Hawpe was batting with Todd Helton on first base. First of all, there was no logical reason for Hawpe to be up there, as he was far and away the crappiest player in the series, and was facing the lefty, Hideki Okajima. He worked the count to 3-2, however, and with only one out, McCarver and Joe Buck debated whether or not Clint Hurdle should have Helton run. McCarver was adamant that, with a hitter of Hawpe's ability, it would be foolish not to start the glacial Helton. Hawpe fouled off the first 3-2 offering while Helton stood at first, much to the dismay of McCarver, who railed that the Rockies were making themselves susceptible to the double play by keeping Helton stationary, neglecting entirely that Hawpe had already struck out 7 times in 9 Series plate appearances and Helton wouldn't exactly be getting a huge jump against the lefty. The next pitch predictably missed Hawpe's feeble swing by about a yard, but Helton stayed put, thereby extending the inning just a bit. McCarver, being the big man that he is, commented that he still would have sent Helton and that he likely would have been safe because the strikeout pitch was a change up. Apparently, McCarver was having a Dick Stockton moment and mistook Helton for Rickey Henderson.
• It is beyond description how bad Emmitt Smith is as an ESPN Monday Night Football analyst. What happened to the famed "Triplets", all of whom decided to go into broadcasting? Michael Irvin is an absolute mess. Emmitt talks so fast he can't remember what in the heck he is saying. And, although Troy Aikman is a great color guy, he shouts everything he says. Somewhere Charles Haley is laid back in his recliner, drinking a Colt '45, wondering why no network has given him a chance.
• If you were a young NFL quarterback and once was being considered as the top pick in the draft, would you have rather gone #1 and been doomed to spend the next half decade having your facemask smashed into the turf on every other play? Or, would you rather hold a clipboard and hug Brett Favre every time he throws a bomb for a touchdown? Yeah, I don't think Aaron Rodgers is sweating the way he slid from potential #1 to the 20s now.

Have a great week, and do great things, gentlemen.

The Commish

Monday Memo v2.8

There is a chance for someone to score more points than The Maestro in a week for the first time since Week 3. The Kellogg Krushers have a legitimate chance to lead the week in scoring if they get solid performance from Brett Favre on Monday Night Football. When you consider that America's QB has been on the Horse Trailer more than anyone, you have to like the KK's chances. The Dragons also have an outside chance to out score The Maestro, if Jason Elam kicks a few field goals and/or extra points.

Current Standings:
The Maestro 1,093.82
Kellogg Krushers 934.22
The Dragons 846.49
The Bouncers 799.22
The Outlaws 767.37
The Dominator 734.45

Representing the PPFFL in tonight's MNF collision are Brett Favre (Kellogg Krushers), Jason Elam (The Dragons), Greg Jennings and Mason Crosby (The Bouncers), and Donald Driver (The Dominator).

A wrap of all the week's doings coming tomorrow....

Week 8 Starting Lineups

The Maestro
QB: Tom Brady - NE
RB: Adrian Peterson - Min
RB: Maurice Jones-Drew - Jac
WR: Randy Moss - NE
WR: Plaxico Burress - NYG
TE: Desmond Clark - Chi
K: Stephen Gostkowski - NE
D: Tennessee

Kellogg Krushers
QB: Brett Favre - United States of America
RB: Reggie Bush - NO
RB: Steven Jackson - StL
WR: Steve Smith - Car
WR: Wes Welker - NE
TE: Dallas Clark - Ind
K: Rob Bironas - Ten
D: New England

The Dragons
QB: Dunnavunn McNabb - Phi
RB: LaDainian Tomlinson - SD
RB: Frank Gore - SF
WR: Reggie Wayne - Ind
WR: Marques Colston - NO
TE: L. J. Smith - Phi
K: Jason Elam - Den
D: Philadelphia

The Bouncers
QB: Peyton Manning - Ind
RB: Marshawn Lynch - Buf
RB: Cedric Benson - Chi
WR: T.J. Houshmanzadeh - Cin
WR: Greg Jennings - GB
TE: Jeremy Shockey - NYG
K: Mason Crosby - GB
D: San Diego

The Outlaws
QB: Carson Palmer - Cin
RB: Willie Parker - Pit
RB: Kenny Watson - Cin
WR: Laverneuaes Coles - NYJ
WR: Dante Stallworth - NE
TE: Chris Cooley - Was
K: Nate Kaeding - SD
D: New York Giants

The Dominator
QB: Derek Anderson - Cle
RB: Thomas Jones - NYJ
RB: Clinton Portis - Was
WR: Braylon Edwards - Cle
WR: Donald Driver - GB
TE: Kellen Winslow, Jr. - Cle
K: Joe Nedney - SF
D: Washington

Week 8 Transactions

The Dominator waives Deion Branch (WR - Sea) and acquires Donald Driver (WR - GB)
The Dominator waives Ben Watson (TE - NE) and acquires Kellen Winslow, Jr. (TE - Cle)
The Dominator waives Neil Rackers (K - Ari) and acquires Joe Nedney (K - SF)

The Outlaws waive Rudi Johnson (RB - Cin) and acquire Kenny Watson (RB - Cin)
The Outlaws waive Roy Williams (WR - Det) and acquire Vincent Jackson (WR - SD)
The Outlaws waive Nick Folk (K - Dal) and acquire Nate Kaeding (K - SD)

The Bouncers waive Adam Vinatier (K - Ind) and acquire Mason Crosby (K - GB)
The Bouncers waive the Baltimore defense and acquire the San Diego defense

The Dragons waive Vernon Davis (TE - SF) and acquire L.J. Smith (TE - Phi)

The Kellogg Krushers waive Matt Stover (K - Bal) and acquire Rob Bironas (K - Ten)

The Maestro waives Tony Gonzalez (TE - KC) and acquires Desmond Clark (TE - Chi)
The Maestro waives the Pittsburgh defense and acquires the Tennessee defense

Week 8 Schedule


SUN, OCT 28

Indianapolis at Carolina
10:00 AM
Cleveland at St. Louis
10:00 AM

NY Giants at Miami
10:00 AM

Philadelphia at Minnesota
10:00 AM

Pittsburgh at Cincinnati
10:00 AM

Detroit at Chicago
10:00 AM

Oakland at Tennessee
10:00 AM

Buffalo at NY Jets
1:05 PM

Jacksonville at Tampa Bay
1:05 PM

Houston at San Diego
1:05 PM

New Orleans at San Francisco
1:15 PM

Washington at New England
1:15 PM


MON, OCT 29

Green Bay at Denver
5:30 PM


Bye: Atlanta, Dallas, Kansas City, Arizona, Seattle, Baltimore

Tuesday Review v2.7

This week provided us with much of the same things the last few weeks have given us. The Maestro extended the lead to over 225 points, the Kellogg Krushers got further away from both 1st place and 3rd place, The Dragons held off The Bouncers for another week, and The Outlaws and The Dominator once again swapped places in the standings. As not much changed, I decided to take a look back to last season at the same point, to see if we have made any improvements in our quest to put together the best fake football teams that no money can buy. The answer is a resounding YES (well, for all but one of us).

Last year's standings after Week 7:
The Dominator 762.44
Cyhawks 725.02
The Dragons 698.05
Plan Z 684.48
The Spongebobs 629.97

Now, compare those to where we officially stand as of right now.

Current Standings (Week 7):
The Maestro 983.75 (151.73)
Kellogg Krushers 857.62 (123.87)
The Dragons 747.43 (106.47)
The Bouncers 717.14 (92.63)
The Outlaws 679.37 (108.29)
The Dominator 636.64 (42.60)

Every team, with the exception of The Dominator, is at least 50 points better than last season at this point, led by The Maestro (Plan Z) and Kellogg Krushers (Cyhawks), who have improved by 303 and 152 points, respectively. Seeing 80% of the league improve significantly, while our new franchise has scored enough to be challenging for 2nd place at this time a year ago, proves that we learned our lessons last year and are turning into real fake football team GMs...well, all but one of us have.

This week's "I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy" Award was hard to choose, because there weren't a lot of big performances that were wasted on somebody's bench. The award is presented to The Outlaws who sat Lavernaeus Coles (29.65) while playing the nearly invisible Roy Williams (4.15). Coles would have given the boost necessary to push The Outlaws over 700 points for the season and the benchmark of averaging 100 points per week. The Dominator would have been the hands-down, unanimous winner this week had half his team not been observing their BYE week, and those that weren't not doing any better than a cadaver (more on this below).

The Maestro, say it with me, was led once again by Tom Brady (65.08), who is on a quest to break nearly every Arena Football League record in the books. The guy has so much confidence, that he's simply chucking balls high and deep to Randy Moss (25.10), Three Flies Up style, knowing that a motivated Randy is one who can outjump every DB in the league and will hold onto anything that touches his hands. Joining the party, once again, was Maurice Jones-Drew (22.10) whose versatility leads to points even on the nights that the Jags are pantsed on national television. Other than those guys, there wasn't much else, as Adrian Peterson (12.00) was very mediocre and the rest of the squad was kind of lame. When three guys throw up over 110 points on their own, those performances can be excused.

Sliding further into the cavernous gap between 1st and 3rd were the Kellogg Krushers. Jumping on the Patriot bandwagon with the acquisition of Wes Welker (32.60) was a fantastic move, and balanced out Eli Manning's (24.42) struggle to figure out the exhausted 'Niner defense. Reggie Bush (16.00) continued to show signs of life, while Dallas Clark (13.30), Calvin Johnson (11.45), New England's defense (13.00), and Ronnie Brown (10.45) also cracked double figures, giving the Krushers another near octuple double. Even with another solid showing, adjustments will have to be made to compensate for the loss of Brown for the rest of the season. The guy finally achieves a level of consistency and gets rewarded with a forced vacation until 2008. Which might not be a bad thing when you look at Miami's 0-7 record and listen to the talk that they have a legit chance to go 0-16. Throw in the fact that the Rams are also 0-7 and might be worse than the 'Phins, and there is a real chance to get excited in a few weeks at the prospect of having a team go winless for the first time since the expansion Buccaneers went 0-14.

Strengthening the hold on 3rd place were The Dragons. Dunnavunn McNabb (25.92) slogged his way through another tough game, this time against the Bears, who had been torched the last couple of weeks. The team that gave Dunnavunn problems last week, the Jets, were steamrolled by Cincinnati's offense this week, leading us (or me) to question whether or not #5 is slipping a little bit. Maybe, after all of these years, Grant Napear is finally right and Dunnavunn truly is just an average QB. I guess if you say something for long enough, you will eventually be correct. How about the resurgent Terrell Owens (21.15)? He was Tony Romo's favorite target in a game Sunday where the Cowboys' offense gained roughly 1,140 yards, but only scored two offensive TDs, one by T.O. The other TD was scored by Marion Barber III (15.25), much to the delight of The Dragons' front office. Reggie Wayne (18.55) was the happy recipient of a lot of Peyton Manning's attention last night in the rout over Jacksonville. Not lost in the Denver victory over Pittsburgh on Sunday night is the fact that the only way the Broncos can win games this season is when Jason Elam (8.00) kicks a FG on the last play of the game. So far they are 3-0 in games that end that way and 0-3 in the others.

Denied for another week in their quest to move into the top half of the league were The Bouncers. Peyton Manning (31.18) had a decent week by his standards, but has a ways to go to reach the 2007 heights of the Evil Brady. Marshawn Lynch (13.90) had a pretty good day and Jeremy Shockey (12.95) found the painted turf, but T.J. Houshmanzadeh (12.55) slipped below the standards he has set this season, probably at the behest of Cincinnati's brain trust who sensed Chad Johnson just might murder someone if he was made to look like a high school backup again. The failure of The Bouncers to take over 3rd place can be squarely laid at the feet of the perplexing Shaun Alexander (4.25), who has really stunk since about Week 5 of last season. It also doesn't help that Marvin Harrison (3.80) was rested early last night when it became apparent that Quinn Gray is no David Garrard. Meaning that, instead of maxing out at one passing TD last night, the Jags had no chance to throw for any scores and the Colts could stack 11 guys in the box to stop the Jacksonville running game. Thus, Harrison wasn't needed on offense once the Colts cracked double figures.

Making a slight move with the 3rd best point total for the week were The Outlaws. Tony Romo (36.74) threw for a ton of yards, but only 1 score, dampering what could have been a tremendous scoring week. The defense of the New York Giants (24.00) went beyond what most people expected them to do against the Bambi-like offense of the 'Niners. Back from the dead, or at least from looking like he was dead, came Larry Johnson (21.15) in a game against Oakland that was uglier than a Glen Campbell mug shot. Those performances overcame the weak efforts put forth by Roy Williams (4.15), Travis Henry (2.55), and Chris Cooley (1.15). In all fairness to Henry, he was taunted prior to the game against Pittsburgh about having not yet conceived any children in the state of Colorado. When you have 9 kids by 9 different women and are obviously the best at what you do, taunts like that can really hit home. Especially when you've been in Colorado since July and haven't taken care of business yet. Rumor has it, he was only in the state of Georgia for 39 minutes before making sure he would have offspring there.

Sinking to a new low in Week 7 was The Dominator, who had the worst week in league history. His top scorer for the week was the Washington defense (16.00). Getting points from the defense, as has been written before, is great, but is an atrocity if it's the best score of the week. Chad Johnson (11.85) was the only other player to reach double figures, as Jason Campbell (9.25) was confounded by Arizona's defense. Returning the favor, Edgerrin James (4.15) couldn't do much against the 'Skins, and Neil Rackers (-2.0) managed to miss both an extra point and relatively short field goal, leading to the very rare negative scoring game for a kicker. Suffice it to say, the Arizona/Washington game probably sums up the whole week of suckitude for The Dominator. If that game wasn't bad enough, both Deion Branch and Ben Watson were held out in gametime decisions, costing this team at least 5 or 6 points (based on what the rest of the squad did). The intestinal fortitude of this team will be tested in the coming weeks. Let's hope the ship can be righted and this team doesn't go careening into any more trees at 90 mph.

Notes:

• Except for the odd week occurence of The Dominator and The Outlaws swapping positions, the order for waiver transactions remains the same.
• The NFC West continues to make offense look like the quest to find 10 people in Southern California who were born and raised in the United States. The 'Niners, Rams, and Cardinals were brutal with the ball once again, while the Seahawks looked good only because they were playing the Rams. Bill Walsh is going to come back from the grave and kick the crap out of somebody if these West Coast teams don't stop running his West Coast offense so ineptly. In all fairness, though, his offensive concepts may not have spread like they did had Trent Dilfer or Tim Rattay been under center, rather than Joe Montana.
• NEWS FLASH: Mike Ditka, esteemed ESPN expert analyst, thinks the Cowboys have much more work to do if they expect to make it to the Super Bowl and beat either the Colts or the Patriots. Really? I'm sure most people thought the Cowboys were right where they needed to be after being hammered at home by New England in Week 6. Thanks for clearing that up, Iron Mike.
• NEWS FLASH: Sean Salisbury, another of ESPN's talking monkeys (albeit one that will kick your butt if you don't listen to what he says), wants you to know that the problems in Miami can't all be laid at the feet of Cleo Lemon. They're 0-7 because of a total breakdown of the franchise. That may be true, Sean, but having Cleo Lemon as your starting QB can't give anyone the impression that your team will be winning any time soon.
• NEWS FLASH: Mark Schlereth, the only ESPN talking monkey that is also playing a detective on a daytime soap opera, thinks that to win in the National Football League you need football players who know how to play football and who are dedicated to doing whatever it takes to win football games in the National Football League and who give 110% every time the football is snapped and know what a priviledge it is to wear the uniform of a National Football League team. Okay, he didn't really say that, or at least I didn't hear him say it. There is about a 100% chance, though, that he has already enthusiastically said those words, or will be saying them in the near future.
• The reaction among the general population of San Francisco today to the news that Alex Smith may try to return this Sunday: "Who is Alex Smith and where did he go in the first place? He wasn't one of the dudes sitting in the tree in Berkeley, was he?"
• The reaction among Bay Area sports fans: "I didn't know the tight end from Stanford was with the 'Niners this year. How did he get hurt?"
• The reaction among 49ers fans: "Are you sure there isn't a way the 'Niners can trade a 2nd or 3rd round pick for Cleo Lemon in time for him to be ready to play on Sunday?"

That's it for this week, fellas. Have a great week, and do your best to monitor the injury news, because I sure as heck haven't been doing a very good job.

The Commish

Monday Memo v2.7

Tom Brady's attempt to shatter the single season TD record helped The Maestro extend an already huge lead. Brady's 6 TDs against the hapless Dolphins, including two thrown to Randy Moss, helped give our leader the top scoring week, at least for the time being. Much can change tonight, at least in the middle of the standings, as the Indianapolis/Jacksonville collision will have a half dozen active PPFFL players participating.

Current Standings:
The Maestro 961.65
Kellogg Krushers 844.32
The Dragons 728.88
The Outlaws 679.37
The Bouncers 673.16
The Dominator 636.64

The Bouncers look to make the biggest move tonight as they will have Peyton Manning, Adam Vinatieri, and Marvin Harrison (maybe) taking the field for them. A move into 3rd place is not out of the question, especially when you consider that Manning is not even close to being a Grossman. The Dragons will try to hold onto to the final spot in the top half of the league with the hands of Reggie Wayne. The Kellogg Krushers will still be in 2nd place by about 100 points each way no matter what Dallas Clark does tonight. And, The Maestro will be looking to move even more out in front with the 10 or so times Jack of the River will let Maurice Jones-Drew touch the ball tonight.

Full review of Week 7 coming tomorrow....until then, don't take any wooden nickels.

The Commish

Week 7 Starting Lineups

The Maestro
QB: Tom Brady - NE
RB: Adrian Peterson - Min
RB: Maurice Jones-Drew - Jac
WR: Randy Moss - NE
WR: Plaxico Burress - NYG
TE: Tony Gonzalez - KC
K: Stephen Gostkowski - NE
D: Pittsburgh

Kellogg Krushers
QB: Eli Manning - NYG
RB: Ronnie Brown - MIa
RB: Reggie Bush - NO
WR: Calvin Johnson - Det
WR: Wes Welker - NE
TE: Dallas Clark - Ind
K: Matt Stover - Bal
D: New England

The Dragons
QB: Dunnavunn McNabb - Phi
RB: Brian Westbrook - Phi
RB: Frank Gore - SF
WR: Reggie Wayne - Ind
WR: Terrell Owens - Dal
TE: Todd Heap - Bal
K: Jason Elam - Den
D: Philadelphia

The Bouncers
QB: Peyton Manning - Ind
RB: Shaun Alexander - Sea
RB: Marshawn Lynch - Buf
WR: Marvin Harrison - Ind
WR: T.J. Houshmanzadeh - Cin
TE: Jeremy Shockey - NYG
K: Adam Vinatieri - Ind
D: Baltimore

The Dominator
QB: Jason Campbell - Was
RB: Thomas Jones - NYJ
RB: Edgerrin James - Ari
WR: Chad Johnson - Cin
WR: Deion Branch - Sea
TE: Ben Watson - NE
K: Neil Rackers - Ari
D: Washington

The Outlaws
QB: Tony Romo - Dal
RB: Larry Johnson - KC
RB: Travis Henry - Den
WR: Donte Stallworth - NE
WR: Roy Williams - Det
TE: Chris Cooley - Was
K: Nick Folk - Dal
D: New York Giants

Week 7 Transactions

The Outlaws waive Justin Fargas (RB - Oak) and acquire Travis Henry (RB - Den)
The Outlaws waive Michael Turner (RB - SD) and acquire Larry Johnson (RB - KC)

The Dominator waives Matt Leinart (QB - Ari) and acquires Jason Campbell (QB - Was)
The Dominator waives Kellen Winslow, Jr. (TE - Cle) and acquires Ben Watson (TE - NE)

The Bouncers waive Santana Moss (WR - Was) and acquire Greg Jennings (WR - GB)
The Bouncers waive Mason Crosby (K - GB) and acquire Adam Vinatieri (K - Ind)

The Dragons waive John Carney (K - Jac) and acquire Jason Elam (K - Den)
The Dragons waive the Chicago defense and acquire the Philadelphia defense

The Kellogg Krushers waive Vince Young (QB - Ten) and acquire Eli Manning (QB - NYG)
The Kellogg Krushers waive Vincent Jackson (WR - SD) and acquire Wes Welker (WR - NE)
The Kellogg Krushers waive Nate Kaeding (K- SD) and acquire Matt Stover (K - Bal)

The Maestro waives the Arizona defense and acquires the Pittsburgh defense

Week 7 Schedule


SUN, OCT 21

Baltimore at Buffalo
10:00 AM

Minnesota at Dallas
10:00 AM

New England at Miami
10:00 AM

Atlanta at New Orleans
10:00 AM

San Francisco at NY Giants
10:00 AM

Arizona at Washington
10:00 AM

Tennessee at Houston
10:00 AM

Tampa Bay at Detroit
10:00 AM

Kansas City at Oakland
1:05 PM

NY Jets at Cincinnati
1:05 PM

Chicago at Philadelphia
1:15 PM

St. Louis at Seattle
1:15 PM

Pittsburgh at Denver
5:15 PM


MON, OCT 22

Indianapolis at Jacksonville
5:30 PM


Bye: Cleveland, Green Bay, San Diego, Carolina

Tuesday Review v2.6

It was a relatively normal week, with the exception of one team, as five teams scored between 85.71 and 120.95 points...and one team scored 181.71. The Maestro came within 8 points of the single week PPFFL scoring record, making the second time this season that he has put up the second best week of the short PPFFL history. That huge performance pushed The Maestro's lead to nearly a C-note over the second place Kellogg Krushers, and to about 260 points over the last place Outlaws, making it very difficult for the teams at the rear to make up enough ground to have any hope of finishing at the top after Week 17. There is still a lot of time left, though, and things can change quickly, as we saw last year, so nothing is out of the question.

Current Standings (Week 6):
The Maestro 832.02 (181.71)
Kellogg Krushers 733.75 (85.71)
The Dragons 640.96 (112.41)
The Bouncers 624.51 (97.43)
The Dominator 594.04 (120.95)
The Outlaws 571.08 (94.63)

The winner of this week's "I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy" Award is the Kellogg Krushers, who started Vincent Jackson (1.25) while leaving Devin Hester (29.60) on the bench. Hester is a big weapon when he is returning kicks to the house, as he has done the last couple of weeks, but becomes even more valuable when the Bears play him at wide receiver and throw to him deep, as they did on Sunday. It's tough to go with Hester week to week, though, because not everyone will kick to him regularly, and he's not exactly looking to John Elway to throw to him when he's on offense. Honorable mention for the award this week goes to The Maestro, who would have had the first ever 200 point week had he played Tony Gonzalez (29.10) instead of Jason Witten (5.35).

Riding a wave reminiscent of the Cyhawks from a year ago, The Maestro has opened a sizeable lead at the 6/17th mark. Tom Brady (62.51) and Randy Moss (14.95) are two of the main reasons, as the Patriots appear to be running up the score on everyone in an attempt to exact revenge on those who had the nerve to negatively react to their blatant cheating. A byporduct of running up the score is plenty of action for the kicker, leading to Stephen Gostkowski (13.00) cracking double figures. If it weren't for Brady, The Maestro's running game would be the talk of the week, as Adrian Peterson (43.05) and Maurice Jones-Drew (32.00) both had over 200 all purpose yards and multiple TDs while touching the ball fewer than 25 times. Do you think the Taylors, Chet and Fred, see the writing on the wall and know that the young guys putting up the big stats should be getting most of the action in Minnesota and Jacksonville from here on out? Or, do you think they will act like most other guys by whining and complaining if and when their coaches come to their senses and exclusively feature the younger, better players?

Dropping off of the pace a little bit were the Kellogg Krushers, owning partly to the first bad week this season for America's QB, Brett Favre (10.16). Who could blame the guy, though? The price of oil skyrocketed to over $85 per barrel, putting strain on the US economy and making people wonder how they are going to afford to heat their homes this winter. When you're America's QB and play in a cold weather city, that's going to wear on you, no matter how well you prepared to face the 'Skins defense. On the bright side for the Kellogg Krushers, Steve Smith (26.60) and Ronnie Brown (20.50), who couldn't care less about how other people will afford to heat their homes, had very nice weeks. For Smith, that's no small feat, as he was catching balls from Vinny Testaverde who was signed by the Panthers last Wednesday and only practiced twice before the game on Sunday. Vinny has truly become the Jesse Orosco of the NFL.

Last year's PPFFL MVP returned to form this week against the Raiders, and The Dragons are really happy he did. LaDainian Tomlinson (40.70) gained nearly 200 yards on the gound and, more importantly, scored four times. The only negative, if there really can be one, is that he didn't throw any TD passes this week, showing that he really wasn't trying as hard as he did last season. Dunnavunn McNabb (25.21) and Brian Westbrook (16.80) put up pretty good numbers in a tough game against the Jets, and T.O. (15.30) got some stats as his team was having their manhood taken away by the Patriots. That's okay for T.O., though, because he had better stats than Patrick Crayton or Jason Witten, and that's all that matters. In T.O.'s mind, he won. The astronaut helmet will stay in his closet at least until Sunday.

The Bouncers had a weird week, as they got huge games from T.J. Houshmanzadeh (30.25) and the Baltimore defense (23.00), but were let down by Shaun Alexander (1.75) and Santana Moss (-2.00). Moss has officially passed Marc Bulger in the race to be named this year's PPFFL Most Worthless Player, wherein he would receive the Antwaan Randle El Trophy at the end of the season. Somewhere in between the great and the lame were Jeff Garcia (26.03), Jeremy Shockey (8.15) and Cedric Benson (6.25). Hats off to Garcia, who keeps on producing wherever he goes, and never complains if he is asked to take a lesser role than that of a #1 guy. He's the kind of team guy that everyone always raves about. The Bucs were projected to be abysmal, similar to the forecast the Eagles were given after McNabb was hurt last year, yet Garcia stepped in both times and has made the teams winners. Plus, Jon Gruden really likes him because he finally has a QB he can look directly in the eye without the use of a step ladder.

Bouncing back from a really bad week was The Dominator. Give his scouting department huge props for finding diamond in the rough Derek Anderson (44.05). The Browns are still bad, but at least they have an offense exciting enough to put points on the board and keep the fans mildly interested. Anderson's favorite target, Braylon Edwards (26.35) was a last minute pick up this week and helped carry a team that wasn't much more than average everywhere else. Chad Johnson* (12.15) was second banana again to Quatro Cinco, but Thomas Jones (11.05) was better than his brother Julius has been. Antonio Gates (5.90) had the rare off week, while Clinton Portis (5.45) was either distracted by the escalating tension between Turkey and the Kurds of northern Iraq, or he didn't watch enough film of the Green Bay defense. It was tough to tell. Maybe demoting Clinton to the pit crew of a USAR Hooters Pro Cup race team for a week or two is what Joe Gibbs needs to do to motivate his #1 back.

*Chad Johnson will no longer be referred to by his self-imposed nickname, Ocho Cinco. Once another player on your own team has surpassed your performance, you must go back to being referred to by your given name.

Sliding back into the basement this week are The Outlaws. It could only be expected when the running backs in the starting lineup combined for less than 1 point (Rudi Johnson 0.40, Michael Turner 0.40). It was the antithesis of the backfield started by The Maestro. Fortunately, Chris Cooley (23.25) and Donte Stallworth (22.80) had great games, while Tony Romo (26.43) did okay after a shaky start. The Giants defense (10.00) and Nick Folk (9.00) were solid for a defense and kicker, but Lavernaeus Coles (2.35) was abysmal, no matter what position he may have been trying to play. Coles' problem is obviously that he has the speed to get deep on anyone but plays with a QB that needs hurricane force winds behind him to get the ball more than 17 yards down the field.

Notes:

• The Outlaws have first crack at available free agents, followed by The Dominator, The Bouncers, The Dragons, the Kellogg Krushers, and The Maestro.
• How about those Rockies? Winning 21 out of 22 is nearly impossible, even when you successfully stack a Little League team. Clint Hurdle looks like a genius right now, as everything he does turns up roses. That means next season he'll take himself too seriously, make some really bad decisions, and ride the Rocks right back to mediocrity. There's a name for that...it's called Dusty Baker Syndrome. Someone get Hurdle a crate of toothpicks.
• Give it up to the national football experts that tabbed the Packers and Buccaneers as two of the three best teams in the NFC through this point. Save your energy, because none of the talking heads or fiction writers actually predicted it. Now, if you called for the Saints and/or 49ers to be one of the top teams, well, you're not in a very exclusive group. Just goes to show why they keep building casinos in Las Vegas.
• The Kings go down to Las Cruces, NM to play Dallas tonight in a homecoming of sorts for a former Kings point guard and current coach...Randy Brown. Okay, Reggie Theus will probably get a lot more attention, even though Randy provided a lot of memorable moments in North Mexico, including the night in early 1990 when he banked in a half court shot at the buzzer in overtime to beat UNLV. That loss was the last one the Rebels would suffer until the following season's Final Four when they lost to Duke.

Well, that's a wrap for this week. Be safe and do great things, gentlemen.

The Commish

Monday Memo v2.6

Riding the arm of Tom Brady and the legs of Adrian Peterson and Maurice Jones-Drew, The Maestro fell just short of the single week scoring record and extended the distance between first and second place to nearly 100 points. The Patriots are either incredibly angry at everyone's cheating accusations and are taking out their vengeance, or they came up with another great way to steal the defensive signals of their opponents, because Brady looks like Mr. James during the old recess football games at St. Bob's. Meanwhile, Adrian Peterson, the one that plays for Minnesota, in case you were wondering, was holding his own personal 5k run against the once formidable Bears defense, and MoJoDrew was finally tabbed as the main back in Jacksonville by Jack of the River (obviously, the pleas from this space last week held some influence over the game plan devised by the Jacksonville offensive brain trust).

The rest of the league remained relatively static, as the Kellogg Krushers lead the third place Dragons by over 90 points, with The Bouncers not far behind in fourth. The Dominator made up some ground and got out of last place for now, closing the gap between the bottom third and middle third, but still has work to do to get out of the lower tier. The Outlaws are showing some newfound consistency, but likely won't be able to avoid being in last place when the final gun is fired tonight in Atlanta.

Current Standings:
The Maestro 832.02
Kellogg Krushers 733.75
The Dragons 640.96
The Bouncers 616.36
The Dominator 594.04
The Outlaws 561.08

Only two teams will have players on the field tonight when the Giants and Falcons collide in Dixie. The Bouncers will have Jeremy Shockey posing and talking trash, hopefully after he does something more noteworthy than catching a 5-yard pass, then falling down. The Big Blue Giants defense was awesome back in the late '80s and early '90s, but they won't be on the field tonight. Even so, the current Giants defense, which sacked Dunnavunn McNabb 12 times a couple of weeks ago, will be trying to pull The Outlaws closer to fifth place. It could be a tall task, as they will be facing the legendary Joey Harrington and his stable of receivers nobody in the PPFFL could name without first searching the internet.

The usual full review chock full of the usual whatever you want to call it will follow tomorrow. Until then...

...throw the ball away late in the game when you have no timeouts, are in field goal range, and can go to overtime with a chip shot figgie.

The Commish

Week 6 Starting Lineups

The Maestro
QB: Tom Brady - NE
RB: Adrian Peterson - Min
RB: Maurice Jones-Drew - Jac
WR: Larry Fitzgerald - Ari
WR: Randy Moss - NE
TE: Jason Witten - Dal
K: Stephen Gostkowski - NE
D: Arizona

Kellogg Krushers
QB: Brett Favre - United States of America
RB: Reggie Bush - NO
RB: Ronnie Brown - Mia
WR: Steve Smith - Car
WR: Vincent Jackson - SD
TE: Greg Olsen - Chi
K: Nate Kaeding - SD
D: New England

The Dragons
QB: Dunnavunn McNabb - Phi
RB: Brian Westbrook - Phi
RB: LaDainian Tomlinson - SD
WR: Jerry Porter - Oak
WR: Terrell Owens - Dal
TE: Todd Heap - Bal
K: John Carney - Jac
D: Chicago

The Bouncers
QB: Jeff Garcia - TB
RB: Shaun Alexander - Sea
RB: Cedric Benson - Chi
WR: T.J. Whosyamomma - Cin
WR: Santana Moss - Was
TE: Jeremy Shockey - NYG
K: Mason Crosby - GB
D: Baltimore

The Outlaws
QB: Tony Romo - Dal
RB: Michael Turner - SD
RB: Rudi Johnson - Cin
WR: Laverneaus Coles - NYJ
WR: Dante Stallworth - NE
TE: Chris Cooley - Was
K: Nick Folk - Dal
D: New York Giants

The Dominator
QB: Derek Anderson - Cle
RB: Clinton Portis - Was
RB: Thomas Jones - NYJ
WR: Ocho Cinco - Cin
WR: Braylon Edwards - Cle
TE: Antonio Gates - SD
K: Neil Rackers - Ari
D: Washington

Week 6 Transactions

The Dominator waives Hines Ward (WR - Pit) and acquires Braylon Edwards (WR - Cle)
The Dominator waives the Jacksonville defense and acquires the Washington defense
The Dominator waives Julius Jones (RB - Dal) and acquires Thomas Jones (RB - NYJ)
***Pretty bittersweet week in the Jones family - you know, if anyone besides us cared about what happened in this league***

The Outlaws waive Brandon Manumaleuna (TE - SD) and acquire Chris Cooley (TE - Was)
The Outlaws waive Jeff Reed (K - Pit) and acquire Nick Folk (K - Dal)
The Outlaws waive Larry Johnson (RB - KC) and acquire Michael Turner (RB - SD)
***Another week on the Waiver Express for Larry Johnson***

The Bouncers waive Ahman Green (RB - Hou) and acquire Cedric Benson (RB - Chi)
The Bouncers waive Travis Henry (RB - Den) and acquire Anthony Gonzales (WR - Ind)
The Bouncers waive Jon Kitna (QB - Det) and acquire Jeff Garcia (QB - TB)
***Travis Henry is headed for quite a bit of free time, which will no doubt lead to America's birthrate rising significantly...God might have something to say about that if He weren't a little heartbroken over The Bouncers waiving his favorite QB, Jon Kitna***

The Dragons waive Jason Elam (K - Den) and acquire John Carney (K - Jac)
***The Dragons only take kickers older than Dave - if Jacksonville would have been idle this week, the obvious choice would have been Morten Anderson***

The Kellogg Krushers waive Javon Walker (WR - Den) and acquire Vincent Jackson (WR - SD)
***Life lesson #2459 - Never ride in a limo with Javon Walker***

The Maestro waives Adam Vinatieri (K - Ind) and acquires Stephen Gostkowski (K - NE)
The Maestro waives the Pittsburgh defense and acquires the Arizona defense
***Look out, The Maestro is jumping on the "Desert Storm" bandwagon!!***

Week 6 Schedule


SUN, OCT 14

Minnesota at Chicago
10:00 AM

Miami at Cleveland
10:00 AM

Washington at Green Bay
10:00 AM

Cincinnati at Kansas City
10:00 AM

Tennessee at Tampa Bay
10:00 AM

St. Louis at Baltimore
10:00 AM

Houston at Jacksonville
10:00 AM

Philadelphia at NY Jets
10:00 AM

Carolina at Arizona
1:05 PM

Oakland at San Diego
1:15 PM

New England at Dallas
1:15 PM

New Orleans at Seattle
5:15 PM


MON, OCT 15

NY Giants at Atlanta
5:30 PM

· Bye: Buffalo, Denver, Detroit, Indianapolis, Pittsburgh, San Francisco

Tuesday Review v2.5

Apologies for the lack of a Monday Memo for this week. Part of the braintrust for The Bouncers needed a chaperone for a field trip to Colusa to see what a working trapping camp looked like back in the 1840s. I have to say that it was a very informative and entertaining trip, my favorite part being when the camp leader tore into some parents for coddling the kids he was yelling at for breaking a rule he explained less than 5 minutes earlier.

Week 5 showed little change in the standings, but came with even more separation between the top, middle, and bottom. Right now, we have three distinct races going on: One for first; one for third; and one for fifth.

Current Standings (Week 5):
The Maestro 650.31 (127.60)
Kellogg Krushers 648.04 (130.79)
The Dragons 528.55 (74.30)
The Bouncers 527.08 (73.51)
The Outlaws 476.45 (88.33)
The Dominator 473.09 (78.34)

Our league was plagued this week by a rash of starters who ended up sitting for medical reasons. Practically every team was affected by this, none moreso than The Bouncers, who saw three of their starters held out. ESPN.com will come under fire from the PPFFL if they don't start doing a better job disseminating injury information. Or, it might be helpful if I kept a little better track of things. To be fair to myself, though, on Friday morning, the Worldwide Leader listed Joe Addai, Marvin Harrison, Ahman Green and Todd Heap as all likely to start on Sunday.

This week's "I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy" award was a tough one to call because of the byes and injuries that decimated most of our rosters. There still has to be an award, though, so we give it to The Dragons this week for playing Terrell Owens (3.25) instead of Reggie Wayne (16.30). T.O. was atrocious on Monday Night Football, dropping a number of the good passes that Tony Romo managed to throw while he was getting picked off by nearly every citizen of western New York. I didn't see T.O.'s postgame Q&A qith the media, but assume it went something like this:
Media: Terrell, tell us a little about this incredible win.
T.O.: It was a great win for our team. It's great to be undefeated. Our quarterback sucks.
M: Romo threw 5 interceptions, but he also made some good throws that you dropped...how do you explain that?
T.O.: I didn't drop anything out there. I don't know what game you were watching. Steve Young didn't have any problems throwing me the ball.
M: What about the 2-point conversion you dropped?
T.O.: That pass wasn't even close. Jeff Garcia wouldn't have put it where the defender could have knocked it away with the fingertip of his glove.
M: Okay, what about the one you dropped after the onside kick? Folk would have only had to make about a 40-yarder if you caught it.
T.O.: What am I supposed to do? Donovan would have thrown it to me more often earlier in the game so that I was already in a rhythm. A good quarterback knows that.
M: Terrell, why are you wearing an astronaut helmet and nothing else?
T.O.: (Doing crunches) I don't know what you're talking about, man.

The Maestro held onto the top spot for another week, even though his slim lead got even slimmer. Consistency was the key as Tom Brady (37.30), Larry Fitzgerald (24.80) and Jason Witten (23.15) made up for the first bad game of the season for Randy Moss (5.30) and the vacation day taken by Joseph Addai. Maurice Jones-Drew (16.05) had his first big game of the season, in spite of Jack Del Rio. Watching the Jags and Chiefs on Sunday, it was hard to figure out Jack of the River. MJD rushed for nearly 100 yards on less than 10 carries, and broke a couple of screen passes for nice gains, but seemed to only play on 3rd down. Fred Taylor is a nice back, but shouldn't be getting 75% of the carries when other teams can barely tackle the little bowling ball. It would seem that MJD would be the feature back because 5 or 6 yards per carry is better than 4, and having a back that can catch the ball is nice when none of the receivers can (if you can really blame them when David Garrard is the one throwing the ball).

Nearly posting an octuple double were the Kellogg Krushers. Charles Johnson (1.15) was the only one to miss double figures on a team that was led by one of our greatest Americans, Brett Favre (34.94). Joining him north of ten points were Ronnie Brown (21.65), New England's defense (18.00), Dallas Clark (15.45), Reggie Bush (14.95), Steve Smith (12.65), and Nate Kaeding (12.00). Brown has been resurgent lately, posting his third straight big game. That's not easy to do playing for the Fish. It will be even tougher now that Trent Green is out with a concussion and Cleo Lemon will be taking the snaps. Green isn't exactly a dangerous gunslinger, but has enough of a reputation to make teams respect the pass a little. Lemon has the reputation of being crummy, meaning opposing defenses will be putting 10 guys in the box to stop Brown. If Miami's offensive coordinator is like a lot of others in the NFL this year (cough, Niners, cough), he will still try to run the ball all the time while throwing screens and 3-yard outs, then wonder why the team isn't scoring any points.

Heading the second tier of teams in the PPFFL are The Dragons. If not for a savvy move (forced by a bye for Philadelphia) to Phillip Rivers (33.75) at QB, this may have been a really bad week. As it was, Rivers, along with the Bears defense (12.00) and about a third of what we saw from LaDainian Tomlinson (10.00) last season were enough to keep a tenuous hold on third place. Frank Gore (6.75), Marques Colston (5.55) and our buddy T.O. (3.25) were only slightly better than the trio The Bouncers started that all ended up sitting out their games. On the bright side, Jason Elam (3.00) kept the broncos from being shut out at home by San Diego, although, if you had the Broncos and 37 points, you lost.

Riding the right arm of Peyton Manning (39.96) and a bunch of guys who were held out of their games were The Bouncers. It might behoove them to have their organizational meetings prior to Thursday of every week so that they can have more time to come up with alternatives to guys who might be sketchy at to whether they will be playing. Just a couple of extra points, added to what Marshawn Lynch (6.90), Jeremy Shockey (9.65), the Ravens defense (9.00), and Mason Crosby (8.00) did would have vaulted these guys into the top half of the standings. It's a new franchise, so it is understandable that there will be a learning curve. At least they aren't in the bottom third of the league, where we find...

...The Outlaws, who had the best week of the bottom four and pulled themselves out of the basement. It's nice to be able to say that after all of the roster shuffling last week. Tony Romo (28.03) was somehow able to have a respectable fantasy night when it appeared he was going to surpass Rex Grossman's Monday Night debacle last season. The Giants defense (14.00) was a nice addition to the squad, as was Lavernaeus Coles (12.45). Heath Miller (12.20) and Willie Parker (8.10) did fairly well as the Steelers hammered one of the three totally inept offenses that call the NFC West home. There is no division in the National Football League that has more unimaginative, inept offensive coordinators than the NFC West. The Seahawks, Niners, and Rams all seem to have decent offensive talent, but none of them can get out of their own way on offense. Only the Cardinals have managed to put points on the board consistently, possibly because they have a coach with the sack to yank Leinart and play a guy with the arm to get the ball to their talented receivers. Maybe the rest of the teams should take some notes, not on yanking their QB, but on actually throwing the ball to the wide receivers. Oh, and not running the ball into the middle of the line on every 3rd-and-8.

Bringing up the rear, in very unfamiliar territory, is The Dominator. Being nearly 180 points out of first place is nothing to panic about after only 5 weeks, but getting behind by that much in only 5 weeks should at least raise some eyebrows. This team has had major problems at QB for most of the season, and wasn't looking too good after Derek Anderson's (23.59) 1st half in New England. Fortunately, Anderson bounced back with an Eli in the 2nd half and threw a couple of meaningless TDs while running up some nice yardage while his team was being blown out. Antonio Gates (21.65) had a nice game in the thin Rocky Mountain air, but that's where the good news ends. Neil Rackers (11.00) and the Jacksonville defense (9.00) were 3rd and 4th in points for this team, which is bad news. Kickers and defenses should not be relied upon for scoring, what they contribute is usually just icing on the cake. Icing that could be the greatest in the world still wouldn't change the crummy taste of the cake if it is made up of Edgerrin James (5.85), Clinton Portis (4.55), and Deion Branch (2.70). Maybe The Dominator needs Portis to take the rest of the squad to a back country dog fight somewhere to release the tension, build some team cameraderie, and get these guys back to playing at the high level we saw in Weeks 1 and 2.

Notes:

• The Dominator has first crack at available free agents this week, followed by The Outlaws, The Bouncers, The Dragons, the Kellogg Krushers, and The Maestro.
• Tony Kornheiser's stay on Monday Night Football looks to be a short one. Last night's game was as exciting and bizarre as one can get, and Tony had absolutely nothing good to offer. While Tirico and Jaws were calling and breaking down the action on the field, Tony was stuck trying to throw out silly puns, none of which were remotely funny. It's probably time MNF dumped the idea of having a "fan's" perspective in the booth. It didn't work with Dennis Miller and doesn't seem to be working with Kornheiser.

That's it for this week. Be good and don't do anything I wouldn't do.

The Commish

Week 5 Lineups

The Maestro
QB: Tom Brady - NE
RB: Joseph Addai - Ind
RB: Maurice Jones Drew - Jac
WR: Randy Moss - NE
WR: Larry Fitzgerald - Ari
TE: Jason Witten - Dal
K: Adam Vinatieri - Ind
D: Pittsburgh

Kellogg Krushers
QB: Brett Favre - United States of America
RB: Ronnie Brown - Mia
RB: Reggie Bush - NO
WR: Steve Smith - Car
WR: Charles Johnson - Det
TE: Dallas Clark - Ind
K: Nate Kaeding - SD
D: New England

The Dragons
QB: Phillip Rivers - SD
RB: LaDainian Tomlinson - SD
RB: Frank Gore - SF
WR: Terrell Owens - Dal
WR: Marques Colston - NO
TE: Todd Heap - Bal
K: Jason Elam - Den
D: Chicago

The Bouncers
QB: Peyton Manning - Ind
RB: Marshawn Lynch - Buf
RB: Ahman Green - Hou
WR: Santana Moss - Was
WR: Marvin Harrison - Ind
TE: Jeremy Shockey - NYG
K: Mason Crosby - GB
D: Baltimore

The Dominator
QB: Derek Anderson - Cle
RB: Edgerrin James - Ari
RB: Clinton Portis - Was
WR: Ocho Cinco - Cin
WR: Deion Branch - Sea
TE: Antonio Gates - SD
K: Neil Rackers - Ari
D: Jacksonville

The Outlaws
QB: Tony Romo - Dal
RB: Larry Johnson - KC
RB: Willie Parker - Pit
WR: Roy Williams - Det
WR: Donte Stallworth - NE
TE: Heath Miller - Pit
K: Jeff Reed - Pit
D: New York Giants

*From here on out, whether you want him to do well or not, Brett Favre will be referred to as the QB for the United States of America because, as Chris Berman reminded us, "rooting for Brett Favre is like rooting for America". Amen, fat boy. Amen.

Week 5 Transactions

What a busy week it is for transactions. Byes and less than acceptable performances have led all but two teams to make changes, with the biggest overhaul being made by, SURPRISE!!!, The Outlaws. It's been so crazy this week that, for only about the second time, I actually had to put some of this stuff off in order to work. Who'd a thunk it?

The Outlaws waive Lamont Jordan (RB - Oak) and acquire Justin Fargas (RB - Oak)
The Outlaws waive Chris Chambers (WR - Mia) and acquire Donte Stallworth (WR - NE)
The Outlaws waive Torry Holt (WR - StL) and acquire Lavernaeus Coles (WR - NYJ)
The Outlaws waive Chris Cooley (TE - Was) and acquire Brandon Manumaleuna (TE - SD)
The Outlaws waive Laurence Maroney (RB - NE) and acquire Larry Johnson (RB - KC)*
The Outlaws waive the San Diego defense and acquire the New York Giants defense

The Dominator waives the Washington defense and acquires the Jacksonville defense
The Dominator places Marc Bulger (QB - StL) on the IL and acquires Derek Anderson (QB - Cle)

The Bouncers waive Isaac Bruce (WR - StL) and acquire Santana Moss (WR - Was)
The Bouncers waive Alex Smith (QB - SF) and acquire Jon Kitna (QB - Det)

The Kellogg Krushers waive the Minnesota defense and acquire the New England defense

*Did George Steinbrenner ever trade for someone, let him sit on the bench for a week without playing, then trade him back for the guy who he dumped in the first place? Because, if not, Bob just pulled something with Johnson and Maroney that even Big Stein never did.

Week 5 Schedule

SUN, OCT 7

Miami at Houston
10:00 AM

Atlanta at Tennessee
10:00 AM

Jacksonville at Kansas City
10:00 AM

NY Jets at NY Giants
10:00 AM

Carolina at New Orleans
10:00 AM

Arizona at St. Louis
10:00 AM

Cleveland at New England
10:00 AM

Seattle at Pittsburgh
10:00 AM

Detroit at Washington
10:00 AM

Tampa Bay at Indianapolis
1:05 PM

San Diego at Denver
1:15 PM

Baltimore at San Francisco
1:15 PM

Chicago at Green Bay
5:15 PM


MON, OCT 8

Dallas at Buffalo
5:30 PM


Bye: Cincinnati, Oakland, Minnesota, Philadelphia

Tuesday Review v2.4

There was some definite separation this week, as the top two teams put a pretty fair distance between themselves and the rest of the league. The Maestro and the Kellogg Krushers both have surpassed the 500 point mark for the season, while The Dragons and The Bouncers are in the mid 400s. The Dominator and The Outlaws have yet to exit the 300s. This is a marathon and not a sprint, though, so much can and will happen before we get to the end of Week 17.

Standings (Week 4):
The Maestro 522.71 (145.97)
Kellogg Krushers 517.25 (153.83)
The Dragons 454.25 (80.01)
The Bouncers 453.57 (104.91)
The Dominator 394.75 (59.48)
The Outlaws 388.12 (58.03)

Week 4 was the first with byes, and that may have played havoc with some lineups, evidenced by the top 2 teams scoring so much more than everyone else. The importance of QB play was also hammered home, once again, as the three teams that scored less than 100 points all had QBs who failed to reach 25 points. As we progress through the bye weeks, we'll see a little roster shuffling, meaning the sharper owners may be able to steal some productive players from their competitors.

This week's "I Sure Wish I Would Have Played That Guy" Award goes to The Outlaws, who just can't seem to figure out when to pick the hot QB. Carson Palmer (20.68) and Tony Romo (47.98) have both had their spectacular moments this season, along with a low point or two. Unfortunately, The Outlaws never seem to know when that hot day will be. Palmer's struggles last night must have been painful to watch after seeing Romo running around and throwing the ball on Sunday like he was a kid playing in the street with his neighborhood buddies. Speaking from experience, not many things are as frustrating as choosing to play a guy who has a mediocre game while the other guy puts up numbers like he's playing at Texas Tech.

The Maestro held onto the top spot this week on the strength of the big Monday night for Tom Brady (42.02) and Randy Moss (29.10). Those two accounted for nearly half of the team's points for the week, and look to be the ones who will be carrying this squad all season. Joseph Addai (19.30) had a big game before going out early with a shoulder injury. Jason Witten (15.55) benefitted from the Tony Romo sandlot game, while Adrian Peterson (14.80) and Plaxico Burress (11.20) produced something in games where their teams weren't quite clicking on all cylinders.

How sweet it must have been for the Kellogg Krushers to be a part of history on Sunday, as Brett Favre (45.43) became the most prolific touchdown thrower in NFL history. Much like Barry Bonds, who can't claim to be the all time home run king because someone in Japan (not to mention those roided out softball freaks) hit more homers, Favre has to take a back seat to Aaron Garcia who has thrown for 809 TDs in the Arena League. Get to work, Favre! You have a long way to go to be the king. Devin Hester (25.85) was the beneficiary of the 34-point pantsing the Lions gave the Bears in the 4th quarter Sunday, as he got to return 6 kicks in less than 15 minutes. I don't think the Bears are quite who we thought they were. Ronnie Brown (25.35) got his stats, even though the Fish lost the Pillow Fight of the Week at home to the Raiders. Dallas Clark (21.80) was huge for the Colts after they lost Addai and Harrison, making up for another subpar week for Steve Smith (6.60). If Smith doesn't break out soon, it's likely that he will pull a Raenthal and kill either one of the Panther QBs, or DeAngelo Hall, who seemed to put Smith in this funk.

Sliding back this week were The Dragons, due mostly to the egg laid by the Eagles on Sunday night. Dunnavunn McNabb (7.96) spent the night running for his life when he wasn't picking himself up off of the turf. It was like the 49ers' offensive line flew back east, put on green helmets, and played a day/night doubleheader. LaDainain Tomlinson (21.70) had his best week of the season, albeit in a loss at home to the utterly crappy Chiefs. Losing to that sorry band of stiffs just magnifies what everyone already knew: for a head coach, Norv Turner sure is a great offensive coordinator. The Bears' defense (19.00) put up great fantasy numbers, even though their team was killed by their totally inept QB, Rex Gros....I mean, Brian Griese. Kyle Orton is next up for the Bears on the QB depth chart, followed reportedly by Aaron Garcia, Carlos Zambrano, and Sam Yoder, a senior at C.K. McClatchy H.S. whose team has only won once in forever, but is a kid who, according to Bears coach Lovie Smith, "possesses great leadership abilities for someone so young and who can't possibly be as bad as the knuckleheads I already have."

Rallying on Monday night to crack 100 points for the 4th week in a row were The Bouncers. Through Sunday, Peyton Manning (44.21) and Mason Crosby (12.00) were the only guys to crack double figures. T.J. Houshmanzadeh (23.95) came to the rescue on Monday, though, proving again that consistency is much more valuable to a team than being a flashy blowhard who can't always hang with the big boys (ahem, Chad Johnson). The rest of the lineup was shaky at best, as Marvin Harrison (1.40) went out early with an injury, Jeremy Shockey (1.85) was ignored by Eli, and the Ravens' defense (2.00) was feeling the effects of some key injuries (and the fact that Steve McNair made sure they were on the field for about 54 of the 60 minutes on Sunday). For such young guys, The Bouncers have been very consistent to this point. They probably need to break out with a huge week, though, to move into a position where they can contend.

In what was one of the ugliest weeks in the history of the PPFFL, The Dominator got nothing from anyone but Deion Branch (16.50) and Edgerrin James (11.20)...and even they didn't contribute a lot. Marc Bulger (4.68), who in all fairness is playing hurt, is taking the early lead in the race for the most worthless player in the PPFFL (won last season by Antwaan Randle El). In looking a lot like Alex Smith and Matt Leinart, Bulger is helping promote the theory that offensive coordinators in the NFC West coach their units to let the defense through unblocked so their QBs can run around a bit before throwing a short incompletion...while getting swarmed under by three or four guys. If it weren't for the Seahawks, the whole division could have possibly gone through the season without completing a pass that flew more than 7 yards in the air, seeing that none of the OCs call any plays where the receivers run farther than that down the field.

If it was possible to get uglier than The Dominator's week (and it was), The Outlaws nearly became the first team to put zero players in double figures. Carson Palmer (20.68) was the lone guy to make it to 10 this week, and, to add insult to injury, he was more than doubled up by the guy sitting the bench. The rest of the squad looked like this: Roy Williams (8.65), Willie Parker (7.30), San Diego's defense (6.00), Heath Miller (5.30), Lamont Jordan (5.05), Chris Chambers (3.05), and Jeff Reed (2.00). An unfortunate injury helped drag this squad down, as Jordan was running all over the Miami defense before injuring his back late in the 2nd quarter. Considering how well the Raiders moved the ball in the 2nd half, Jordan could have put up some really good numbers. It's still relatively early, but being nearly 150 points behind is never good, meaning our two oldest owners need to do some serious catching up...and soon.

Notes:

• The Raiders are going to the Super Bowl! All kidding aside, as bad as Kansas City is, as bad as Denver has played, and the fact that San Diego is being dragged down by Norv means that the Raiders might not only win a division game this season, they might actually win the division. These guys won't be participating in the Pillow Fight of the Week for at least another 3 or 4 weeks...or until they lose a couple in a row and match up with the Chiefs.
• Terrell Owens showed up for the press conference on Sunday wearing giant sunglasses that looked quite feminine. What's the significance? Well, last week, after a big win over the Bears where T.O. put up nice numbers, he wore a cheery argyle sweater, no glasses, and gave the press enthusiastic, team oriented answers where he praised everyone from Tony Romo, to Wade Phillips, to the guy who carries Jerry Jones' face-lift maintenance kit. This week, after a big win over the Rams, where T.O. was overshadowed by Patrick Crayton, he showed up wearing shades and was much less enthusiastic in praising the team. If T.O. doesn't get his stats, you can expect that he will skip a press conference soon, or show up wearing an astronaut helmet, followed by working out nude in his driveway while dogging everyone involved with what appears to be the best team in the NFC.
• Matt Light presented the offensive starters for the Patriots last night in a much different way than we are used to. Instead of doing the typical and thugging everything up by giving each player a dumb nickname or saying they're from the "school of hard knocks", "the street", or "the U", Light gave us an analysis of the strengths of the Patriot offense. Seeing as Light is a small town guy who went to Purdue, this shouldn't be shocking, but it did catch the ESPN commentators off guard a little bit, causing Ron Jaworski to jokingly say he thinks Light may be after his job. No worries, Jaws. Even though Light was a refreshing change from the usual way the lineups are presented, he's not better than you at giving analysis. He is, however, a million times better than Theismann, mostly because he has something in his brain that tells him when it's time to stop talking.

The order of free agent claims goes like this: The Outlaws, The Dominator, The Bouncers, The Dragons, Kellogg Krushers, and The Maestro.

Okay, take it easy....

The Commish

Monday Morning Memo v2.4

Brett Favre set the all time passing touchdown record and carried the Kellogg Krushers back to the top, at least for now. The bottom 4 teams as of this morning all have players taking the field tonight in what has the makings of an offensive shootout.

Current Standings:
Kellogg Krushers 517.25
The Dragons 454.25
The Maestro 451.59
The Bouncers 429.62
The Dominator 389.10
The Outlaws 367.44

Tonight's collision in southwestern Ohio has Tom Brady and Randy Moss taking the field wearing the colors of The Maestro under their pads; T.J. Houshmanzadeh representing our adolescent entry, The Bouncers; Ocho Cinco preening and posing for The Dominator; and Carson Palmer playing what The Outlaws really hope is a better game than the one Tony Romo played on Sunday.

To address yesterday's roster shuffling, if you find out that one of your guys has been scratched due to injury on Saturday or Sunday morning, let me know (preferably by phone) and I will be more than happy to shuffle your lineup. I can't keep up with all of the injury news, especially on the weekends, so feel free to buzz in with any changes that may be necessary. There are a couple of rules, though:

• You can only do this if a player is legitimately injured. No changes can be made if you are watching ESPN on Sunday morning and your starting WR looks hungover while he is warming up. For clarification, I will quickly look up the guy's current status on the internet to validate your claim.
• Changes have to be requested prior to the 10:00 AM games starting. Once those games kick off, there can be no changes made to the lineup on Yahoo!, no matter what time the game begins that the player in question is supposed to participate.

Thanks for your cooperation with this rule that was specifically designed for a league where the owners have a life outside of their imaginary football teams. I'm sure this wouldn't fly in a league where guys ignore their wives and kids (well, the 5% of them that actually have actually had a date in the last decade) for days and weeks at a time to run their teams. Our league, though, is just a little more low key.

Have a good one...Back tomorrow with the review of Week 4.

The Commish

Lineup Changes 9/30/07

Due to some errors in official injury reports that weren't clarified until this morning, these changes were made to a couple of the lineups:

The Kellogg Krushers replace Javon Walker (WR - DEN) with Devin Hester (WR - CHI)
The Dominator replaces Anquan Boldin (WR - ARI) with Deion Branch (WR - SEA)